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Friday, January 02, 2009

A Whole New Year of Possibilites

So I made it! Woke up to a fresh new year. It was foggy in our neighborhood to begin with and later as the afternoon crept in the sun burst out in a brilliant display illuminating the North Shore mountains and all their snow covered glory. R asked me if it was some sort of poetry- I agree.

It's late on this first day of 2009 and I should be going to bed seeing as I have to work tomorrow (and I'm covering Reception all day to boot ). Instead I'm sitting here on our couch working my way through the Creme de la Creme List of Mel's. So many amazing posts, so little time to soak them all in. It will definitely take me time to get through them all. Mostly, I think I'm awed about the different ways people verbalize their deepest feelings. Here we are, all broken and/ or dented in some way in life, and we choose to put it all out there. For ourselves. For others. It's fascinating. As I see people comment on my Creme post, I am humbled at their responses. I think it has to do with the fact that when I started my own blog, it wasn't just a place for me to vent, as I tend to be a very vocal and emotional person. Instead, it was a place where I hoped that somewhere, sometime, and someplace, my words may help someone in someway. I write because I have known so many great obstacles throughout my life and they have shaped me (profoundly) into the person I am here; now. When I found the ALI community I rejoiced as here were so many people who had walked similar paths and who I could learn from. I wanted to hear the success stories. I wanted to cry with the let downs and losses. I wanted to, well, share and connect and feel a part of something bigger than my own tiny fragile world.

When I found Mel's blog, I understood that my world would be very different going forward. Between my family and friends and this new wonderful community, maybe I could find the strength to pick up the pieces and start a new puzzle. The old puzzle, you see has missing pieces that won't ever be replaced, but the new one is the same picture, just enlarged, expanded. The holes have been replaced by white space. Not emptiness but not an entirely tangible entity either. I'm building this new puzzle piece by precious piece, in this new year, with all of you. Thank you for joining me on this journey. Knowing that each and every one of you is there makes me feel stronger, less alone. It makes me smile and embrace happiness and possibilities.

CT and I selected our new Motto for the year. It, as usual, came randomly in a conversation. We have decided to stop making our own lives more complicated than they need to be. To encourage us along the way is a phrase my Dad used to spout when I was younger:

K.I.S.S.: Keep It Simple Stupid

In other news my charts should show a rise in temp tomorrow confirming that I did O (on the edge of my usual CD15-17) and I should be able to start the progesterone. I'm nervous about this new addition to my cycle and hoping it makes the biggest of differences. I'm also hoping taking the Vitamin B6 does it's trick too. To know whether or not I should stop the progesterone so AF can come if I should happen to not be pregnant, I'll be testing Jan.14/15th. Jan.14th is David's b-day- my oldest brother who died from cancer when I was 10. A day that began an amazing (albeit short life) could very well be the beginning of another tempting of fate. Here we go again, the TWW (two week wait) begins.


WiseGuy said...

Your post resonates so much with my own emotions.

Another Dreamer said...

I was soaking up the creme de la creme as well, I think I commented on yours lol. I was so happy when I found Mels blog, it opened up a whole new world for me.

Geohde said...

Thank you so much for stopping by my site and having such nice things to say. I've just read your backstory and I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I'm glad you've linked in to this community,