Viruses and Other Stupid Computer Problems

It seems my computer virus problems aren't going away anytime soon. [insert chosen curse word here]

I knew I'd have to wipe my computer eventually but I've been putting it off. Why? Do you know how many photos I have on here? I'm a prolific photographer and I've already taken everything up until last year off. [sigh]

So it seems I have to do this fairly quickly if I ever want to use my computer again.

The virus I have corrupted my old email. I started a new one. Now it seems to have hit my blog. This is the second time it's posted random posts without my permission.

May have to post from hubby's computer for awhile. If you don't hear from me for a time, you'll know why. And if more of that crap pops up on my blog, stay away from it and don't worry, I'll get to it quickly enough. Meanwhile I'll be sulking over my stupid laptop with it's maxed out hard drive and a virus my anti-virus can't seem to get rid off.

Time to bring in the professionals!

P.S. To the individuals with no morals and obviously too much time on their hands, who think it's great fun to mess around planting viruses, scr*w you! I'd say more, but I'm worried that I might go on a tirade and that simply isn't good for this preggo's blood pressure.

Finding Peace

We were having an interesting discussion in a thread on the forum I frequent. It was about our desire to 'make' things happen, to will pregnancy into being. The opening post was written by a fellow blogger I 'met' on this forum. She is pregnant (due close to when I am) after 6 years of infertility. I thought about her response in regard to my particular journey and wrote this:

Here I am, 15 months from that first fateful lost pregnancy and I'm just now seeing our journey with a clarity I couldn't have before. It was hard to come to grips with the fact that I couldn't 'make' my body stay pregnant, I just had to let it be. That understanding hasn't made this third pregnancy easier, after all, I am a flawed human with fears and a slightly dented heart. But I also realized that by giving up some of the control, I could be content and happy just to be pregnant for the moment. Each day that came and went was one step closer to the dream, the goal. But not worrying about having control over every tiny part of this new path has allowed me to actually enjoy the process. To find peace and healing in it. I'm a "Lost Baby Mama" and always will be as they are forever a part of me. But their absence doesn't have to take away from what is already present.

That, may be the hardest lesson I've had to learn. And the most rewarding.

Back to Reality

Yesterday it was sunny. The bright hot sun bared mercilessly down from the cloudless sky. We 'escaped' the heat of our apartment last night to head towards the water hoping for a cool breeze. We found it, sort of. As we walked away from the apartment, I commented, "Well, looks like Summer decided to come back".

It was possibly short lived.

Today, the weather is sort of like my mood. A little hazy and confused. The wind this morning was unbelievable. We shut the windows and balcony door because it was threatening to tear the place apart. With it came a light cloud layer, soft but grey. The sun tried several times to break through with little success.

The wind has calmed a bit to a stiff breeze, but it's cooling and refreshing. However, it's very humid. Even sitting here in the apartment has left the back of my legs sweaty from the heat I can't feel.

I had good intentions for this Sunday. I wanted to go to the beach, lather up with sunscreen and soak in some rays while reading a book. But alas, like last Sunday while we were away, my plans were dashed by cloud and cool breezes. Not ideal beach bumming weather to say the least.

I did however, finish reading my book. A week and a half ago I took out three 'summer reads' from the Library. You know, 'Chick Lit', although I'm pretty sure these women authors would cringe to hear me call it that. It's something you would hear an elitist reader say as a way to make you feel like you don't have very sophisticated reading tastes. "Oh, that's just some 'Chick Lit'". Truth be told, I don't care one bit and I really wanted some 'lighter' reading. Not lighter in that it has no plot, character development or emotional content, but simply something I could get absorbed into with my mind being totally overwhelmed. I have been on vacation after all.

The funny bit is, that the bigger my belly has gotten, the fewer brain cells I seemed to be using or at least have access to. Baby brain apparently is very real and as my Mom jokingly told me, it sticks around for quite awhile, then you get a reprieve after you're done having kids. Then menopause hits. Thanks Mom. Very reassuring.

All joking aside, I mentioned before that my previous (and overly ambitious goal) of reading the Giller Prize winner list this year was scrapped in favour of Harry Pot.ter. And given that the next movie is due to come out on Wednesday (and I desperately want to see it) I felt it a good goal to read the entire series. And I have. All except the 3rd and 4th books which I happened to watch the movies for and didn't feel like reading the books right after. I know, I know, lame...

Anyway, having finished the 7th book a week before my vacation, I was itching to get into something else. A library visit ensued. Work stress being what it was, it had been taking me a long time to get through any novel lately. What I happily discovered in my week and a half off, is that given some down time and lack of an alarm clock waking me up far earlier than I'd prefer, I can devour books whole with great pleasure (and a little gusto). Three books in 10 days is nothing to laugh at. I loved the last book so much I went back this afternoon and picked up the sequel (and to drop off the ones I'd finished).

Time to delve into another couple of chapters before I worry about dinner. Oh, and there's a funny little story that accompanies one of the books I read. If Fate aligns for me and this turns out, I might have a pretty funny story to tell for Show and Tell this week.

And yes, I realize this is two posts in a relatively short period of time. Consider it my way of making it up should things be absolutely insane with work this week. Considering the difference in my blood pressure (for the better) while I was on vacation, here's hoping I find a way to keep it at bay.

Maybe the wind will blow away the slight anxiety I'm already feeling about stepping back into the office tomorrow. Maybe more reading will help. Who knows...


P.S. Just as a note about the baby brain, you should have seen the typos I had to fix in order to make these two posts legible. It seems that being on vacation does not help with my typing skills.

A Random Occurrence

I was walking to the Skytrain and decided to walk a little longer to Waterfront Station and catch my train from there. Got to the light to cross the street when police on motorcycles come racing along the street. One stops in the middle of the intersection and halts all traffic. One rather elderly Asian women crosses the street anyway and he rushes over to walk her back across the street so she doesn't get hit. More motorcycles come racing along and then down the street I can see black cop cars with their lights flashing.

What in the world is going on? Is there some parade I didn't know about? I thought to myself.

The cars stream by and in the middle of the pack is a black car with Japanese flags waving out front. Definitely someone important I guess, a dignitary of some sort. The people around me are all muttering similar things. Then as the car passes us we see a face smiling out the window. A lovely older Japanese women is waving to us (the five of us standing at the corner). We wave back. A girl on a bike with her two friends are chatting about it.

"Oh, I know who she is. It's the Empress and her husband the Emperor. I heard they were coming for a visit. It's been like 50 years since they were last in Canada".

Curiosity piqued, I Goo.gled it just a few moments ago and found this article:

http://www.canada.com/news/Japanese+royals+visit+Canada/1750772/story.html

They intrigue me with their non-traditional ways. But it's her, that gets me. Her face was very clear from the car. Her smile was genuine today, at least it seemed to me and I was struck by how pretty she is, especially given her years. There's a kindness in her face.

I hear people talk about how they once saw this Royal visit or that one, but having never experienced one myself, I could never relate. There's a part of me that's fascinated by the people in these positions, most of which are figures of political power rather than real sources of it. Still, there's so much history embedded, how cannot we not be at least the tiniest bit awestruck when we come across such an individual?

Today, it's not about history or who they are that I'll remember, but the wide beaming, genuine smile of a women I momentarily locked gazes with.

Impending Milestone

Depending on which book/ source you read, the third trimester is either 26, 27 or 28 weeks. No confusion there!

I'm 26 weeks today and feeling like I'm not quite ready to be in the third trimester; maybe I'll be at 27 or 28- I'll wait till next week to decide. :) Had my OB appt on Tuesday and all was well, though, I am measuring a little big (29 weeks) and that could indicate a healthy but larger baby or it could be a touch of Gestational Diabetes. I've actually measured 2 weeks ahead the entire time but I seem to be gaining more weeks. My weight gain is normal (17 lbs so far). Also, for the first time in 3 months, I've had normal blood pressure again! I've had wonky readings the last three appointments. We're pretty sure it was the work stress, seeing as this normal reading happens to have occurred on time off. Hmmm, another thing to mention to my boss.

I did my 1-hour glucose tolerance test. I've heard so many stories about the awful orange drink. I braced myself to guzzle it down and discovered, to my delight, that it tastes exactly like Orange Crush. Slight carbonated, sweet orange pop. Yum! I seriously don't know what everyone complains about. It's really not a big deal. Then I hung out in an overstuffed leather rocking chair reading my book for the next hour. Then the minor bloodletting occurred. And now we wait.

Bean liked the pop. Or went crazy from it. Hard to tell.

Will find out if I have to do the 3-hour test next week. If my results are negative, I'll probably have to go for an ultrasound to have this girl measured and checked for growth. I'm really hoping an "average" sized girl here. Really looking forward to my non-cesarean birth- at least that's what I'm aiming for. My fibro body doesn't like surgery.

Meanwhile, here we are, with 14 weeks left to go...

Show and Tell: The Marks We Bear

**Pregnancy mentioned**

We all carry them. Marks. Some are visible, etched into our skin, indelible creations of imperfection showing us as the unique beings we all are.

Some are hidden. Carved into our souls, shown only when we grant ourselves or others access.

As I progress week by week, these marks amaze me. All of them. And it doesn't hurt that dh doesn't mind them and always tells me I'm beautiful. And one might think he was just saying it to score husband points but the look in his eyes when he says it tells me differently. I love this man more than I can describe!

The marks each tell a story. I have ones I was born with, like my famous abstract birthmark and received by accident like the "tattoo" I have- a graphite mark from a sharp pencil that went deep and permanently marked my hand.

And then there are the ones I've gained, earned even.

My marks are varied. I have scars form old acne, and current acne, which drive me crazy but that I've come to realize, I'll likely never get rid of. Pregnancy, has added it's own set of marks. I have what I lovingly call my "Harry Potter" marks. Almost lightning strike shaped stretch marks that cover my lower abdomen. I also have the "mask of pregnancy" which results in a brown patch on my forehead which is easily covered up by makeup.

On a whim on the two days off I had last week (I'm currently on vacation), I went out in public without makeup! Gasp! I rarely do this. It was freeing.

I think pregnancy has taught me to be less conscious of the marks I carry. Including the ones deeply hidden. Losing two pregnancies has left their own undefinable marks. But they are there with me always.

No matter what you go through in life, there are marks. IF, pregnancy loss, loss in general, all have their unique marks. But so do the happier things- love, friendship, joy. The marks are different but no less important.

As my Mom mentioned about my stretch marks, they are "badges of honour". I'm learning to wear them, all of them, with pride.

And to prove I'm serious, I'm doing something I never would have considered before. Here is a sample "badge of honour". No hiding here.

What marks do you have, either hidden or visible, that you have learned to accept, even embrace? Let me know and then stop by Mel's to see what the rest of the class is showing off...

Notes from the Road: A Road Trip Diary

Sunday July 5th:


I've got a few minutes to myself right now. I'm sitting in my in-laws' living room stretched out on a chair and ottoman feeling sleepy. It's almost 2pm. It's 26 degrees in the house but rather cool compared to the heat outside. Various parts of the family have left to run errands, leaving me happily to chop some veggies for my veggie platter for our BBQ in a few hours. I felt after 2 days of constant visiting and being around people that I needed a little quiet time to myself. My morning shower doesn't count. I've cut my veggies and made the dip - homemade of course. I'm mentioning food? Does this mean I'll share some of the goodness? Why sure... (no pic though)


Lindsay's Veggie Dip:


Sour cream
Mayonnaise (I actually use Miracle Whip)
juice from 1 lemon
fresh chopped basil, dill and parsley
Dijon mustard (you can use dry mustard powder if you don't have anything else- just don't use prepared yellow mustard)
ground cumin
garlic powder
salt and pepper

Let it sit for an hour to get the flavours going and add more of things if needed.

We don't have any garlic powder here at the moment so I compensated by adding a little more cumin. Now it tastes like cumin and not much else. Oh well, trial and error. Don't ask for quantities, go by your own taste buds. After all, I just made this up...
____________________________________________

Monday, July 6th

*10:11am- 363 kilometers to Vancouver. The return trip begins officially.

*Coming up the big hill on the Connector from Kelowna, I stare eye to eye with clouds hovering
among the tops of these mountains. It's like momentarily floating in the air, a feeling of weightlessness. An illusion that is quickly dashed as you curve down the other side of the hill.

*Driving along through the torrential rain that appeared out of nowhere, I glance into the backseat. On the left is a car seat and on the left is our new stroller, folded. A Saturday shopping spree with my mother-in-law. OMG, we have a travel system!! Bean's movements have gotten so much stronger since we left on Friday. 3 days later I no longer need to press on my belly to feel her. Just placing my hands can pick up the movement. Of course, it's fun to press down and have her press back as if to say, "Hey, cut cramping my space!" Watching my belly move on its own is also my new hobby. Enlessly fascinating.

*Okay, I revise my earlier assessment of this highway. Normally it's pretty boring. There are some big mountains and the occasional pot lake but generally it all looks the same. Today, however, is a bit of a carnival ride. The crosswinds are trying to move our little rental car into barriers and other lanes. The rain was novel for the first half and hour and now I wouldn't mind if it dried up. It makes pee breaks a little more friendly to get out for. [insert pep-talk here] "Seriously sweetheart, you need to cut that out! We've got another 40 km till the next pit stop and my bladder isn't too sure it can make it that far!"

More notes to come...

A Road Trip

Counting down the hours. R picks up our rental car at 9am, then we pack it and hit the road.

Looking forward to four days of sunny fun with family.

And hopefully some time to ourselves as well?

Back on Monday at some point. Till then...