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Friday, December 31, 2004

A toast to the Old and a toast to the New...

Well here we are... New Year's Eve.

I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas. I did. It was quiet and that was fine by me. My boyfriend is here for the week, which I am so glad for.

As I reflect on this day, I reflect on what a year it was. So many good things have happened. Promises were made for the future, I've success in school, I've been focusing on what I truly want to do with my life.

But terrible things have happened as well. I think about all of thepeople who have lost their lives this year. The War in Iraq, the dreadful hurricane season, terrorist bombing in Spain and the ever growing toll of the single most devasting natural disaster in history. The tsunami that hit South-East Asia is haunting. As the death toll rises, I cannot help but watch, helpless and heart broken. Yesterday it was up to 117,000 people. PEOPLE. More people than live in Saanich (pop. 104 000). What we must remeber is that this about real people who are suffering. Who have lost so much and for those who survived, face death from lack of food, water and medical attention.

I am taking my friends advice and donating some money when I get paid in January. It may not be much but it is better than nothing. Something is always better than nothing.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

"Think happy thoughts...think happy thoughts..."

I can't believe how difficult it is to get long distance services from someone other than Telus!!! I've been in the process of hooking up long distance with ACN. They so far have been okay, except for processing my order a little later than I expected. I have spent a good portion of my day going back and forth between ACN and Telus to figure out why I am unable to make long distance calls even thought the service has been hooked for three days now! Turns out it is all Telus' fault. There apparently was a restriction on my phone that wouldn't let me make long distance calls, collect calls or even call the operator (always thought that was a little weird). So I had them remove the restiction and the computer should have lifted it sometime this afternoon. It obviously hasn't happened because I still am not able to make a long distance call. Which makes talking to my boyfriend (who's with his family in Kelowna for Christmas) difficult because I have to wait for him to call me. But what really ticks me off is that I won't be able to call my best friend in Calgary whom I've known for 11 years to wish her and her family a Merry Christmas. Sigh.

I'm trying to be cheerful and full of the Christmas spirit, but things like this are not helping.

On the bright side (which I always try to look for) I did have a nice evening with my family. My brother's girlfriend came over and we all played cards. It was fun.

So I will await my Love's call and hopeful dream sweet dreams.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Friday, December 24, 2004

And I wonder why Charlie Brown is my fav Christmas cartoon...

Got off of work at 9pm. Was I ever glad to go. Had to call my head supervisor at home and tell him that are server went down. Not just went down... but crashed! As in I couldn't register anyone in anything and people couldn't ring in their passes. Seeing as I work at a Rec centre, this was a slight problem. We couldn't fix it so it has to wait until tomorrow.

Definitley glad to go home!

Very tired and worked a long day so I think I'll leave it at that.

Starting to look forward to Christmas. I know, its a miracle. I can see the headlines now:

"Lindsay doesn't get visited by three spirits and still finds the true meaning of Christmas"

Hmmm. Maybe not. I'm still searching for that seemingly unattainable meaning. And since I'm not religious, the task has been quite daunting.

So if anyone has any suggestions, please do offer them.

Monday, December 20, 2004

No SADS for me this year..

If this beautiful sunshine keeps up, I won't have to worry about SADS at all this winter. That, and I am much happier these days. Gee, I wonder why? Ahhh, the amazing effects of love. Isn't it great?

Thought I'd make it short today. I'll leave you all with a little saying by Leo Buscaglia that I have as a magnet:

"too often we underestimate
the power of a touch, a smile,
a kind word, a listening ear,
and honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential
to turn a life around."

Hmmmm... Food For Thought.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Clear as soup (cream of mushroom, not miso)

The fog ourside is amazing! It is so thick I could barely see up the street when I was walking home. I got off the bus and the light from the hospital cast the warmest orange glow over my neighborhood. It is really quite beautiful. That,and it is so mild out. Cool, but not cold.

Spent the hour bus ride continuing to be absorbed in my latest read: Unless by Carol Shields. Have to say that it is brilliant, although I thnk I'm going to have to read it again and look up every word I don't know. Have to say that thre are quite a few.

There are phrases in the novel that stike me as particually insightful or poignant. Here's the ones I like so far:

"It's necessary, I'm finding, to learn devious ways of consoling oneself and also necessary to forgive one's own eccentricities" - I think the last part is particularily true.

"The shame of ignorance is killing. "I nearly died," grown-ups say of their early dumb misunderstandings, and they mean that the revealing of their ignorance feels like a stoppage of the heart."

Have to admit that Shields is good... very good.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

I'm done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm done, I'm done,I'm done,I'm done!
(until January 10th at least)
Just thought I'd mention that.
Last exam was completed at 11:30 am.
Vacation... here I come!

No winter like a west coast winter...

Just got back from an outing at Butchart Gardens with the gang, where it rained in true Victoria-winter fashion. An old friend of ours from high school came along too. He hasn't been doing too well. His health is very poor. I look at him and hope that he will receive the liver transplant that he now needs again. It reminds me just how fragile life can be. One mistake can put you at the edge.

But I was so gald to see him. We all had a great time. The gang is made up of three of the best friends in the world a girl could ever ask for. They accept my insanity and hold me up when I am down. Together we have shared laughter (oh so much laughter) and even some tears. I can't imagine what my life would be life without them. Any one of them. They will be the first to tell you that am an extreme people person. I make friends very easily. But, the depth of those freindships in not always deep. But with these guys, they are a part of me. They are people I can imagine teasing when I'm eighty. I can just see it: Four eighty-year olds having a "get-drunk-at-Claire's-night"

I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. Every one of them. I am truly thankful for everything, and everyone, I have.

Friday, December 17, 2004

A poem:

bitter thoughts drift through the winter wind
soltice is near
bright lights bink, flash in my brain
drawn closer
engulfed, swirling, twisting

a fire blazes brightly
thawing my fear and doubts
cannot give meaning but
comfort does seep outward

Laughter and Smiles.
recognition through my mind's haze:

This is the point of it all.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Not quite done... here's some more...

Is it just me or does Christmas feel more and more like a cop-out? Not to be pessimistic (and those who know me know just how the opposite I really am) but it seems that some (or maybe a whole lot) of people use Christmas as a time to get there one good deed/ thought out of the way.

Christmas is promoted as a time of peace and goodwill towards all people. But what happened to the other 364 days of the year? Is it really okay just to offer one small pathetic token of goodwill haphazardly and call it a day?

I don’t think so!

I look around at the people speeding past me on the sidewalks and wonder, what exactly, the rush is. I can understand it if you’re running for the bus or are late for work, but people seem to walk with such speed and determination to make it to their next destination a little bit faster, a little bit better than the person they just passed.

Don’t get me wrong! I’m hardly a cynic. In fact, I’m one of the most optimistic people you’ll meet; the true idealist. Because I believe that if we only took one precious moment a day to truly get to know and understand another human being, they wouldn’t seem so different from ourselves. And by understanding that person, it would be that much harder to hate them. If we didn’t hate them, what would be the point of hurting them? (And keep in mind that there are many, many ways to hurt a person).

Personally, I think the whole exercise of making someone lesser than ourselves would be pointless. And if all these idealistic ideas make me strange, make me a hippie; make me a freak … than so be it. I’m all that and more.

And how does all this tie in to Christmas you ask? Well, I believe that one should make overtures of peace and friendship to everyone we encounter, everyday of our lives. Not just because it’s Christmas.

* * * * *

And yet, I find myself searching for the true meaning of Christmas. I’ve never been religious and I don’t believe in a single deity or god. But I am very spiritual; even more so recently. Having undergone a bit of a revelation, I search for some ultimate meaning in all the craziness that is the holiday season.

I know in part, it means re-establishing the deep connection I have with my family and friends. But to be honest, I try to do that al the time. So, I’ll continue my search. And if you have any thoughts on the matter, feel free to give them.

One of many thoughts for the day...

I've come to the conclusion that our thoughts are poetry.

I've never really considered it before but really, when you at it, each thought we have is deeply personal. It is an extension of ourselves and remains that way until we share it with the world.

My own poetry forms in my mind concoiusly and constantly. I think things all the time. They slip of my mental tongue like dew on a leaf. They slip and fall somewhere. But I'm not sure where. Often they are created and then disappear forever.

My poetry forms when I am least expecting it: Walking to work, standing at the bus stop. Mostly, my mind has a single moment of blankness. then it just rolls out the words and phrases.

I am slowly learning to capture them in print. By hand or keyboard, it doesn't matter. But the need to give them permanence is getting stronger day by day. Why,I'm not sure. But a Blog is the closest thing we have to an autobiography. It is the accumulation of thought and feelings of a person. It gives us the chance to share who and what influences us. We can reveal what we never imagined we would ever say to potentially many many strangers.

As strange as that is, in a way, that gives me comfort. Peace, if you will.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Counting the days...

One exam down... three to go! Finished my exam this morning (at a cheerful 8:30 am) in 45 minutes!. Most of it was easy but a few answers flew out of my head and refused to come back. Oh well. Who cares? It's just a test!

Might get to go into work today. Hope they need me... I NEED the money. My bank account would be ever so grateful!

Thursday, December 09, 2004


Oh yeah! One other thing that has also contributed to my positive mood (but isn't necessarily the source of) would be the fact that I wrote one last quiz and handed in one last project. Next? Four final exams.

Bring it on...

Yeah for the rain!

Could it have been any wetter today? I was standing at the bus stop and the bottom half of my pants were soaked by the time the bus came. Then I sat through class like that. I was freezing!!!

One could be bitter about such things but for some reason, I just can't seem to be down today. Normally around this time of the year I get SADS (seasonal affectiveness disorder- basically mean I get really depressed during the months with less sunlight). I have been fortunate to not have succumb to this tendency, even though it would be so easy to do with all the craziness of school. But I have been slowly changing; becoming more joyful. Could be empowerment (or the illusion of it anyway). In any case, I've always been a woman on a mission. Not sure what exactly it is yet. But when I do, I'll let you know.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Is There An end?

This week marks my last full week of classes. I have one major project due on Wednesday and a quiz the same day for the same class. That class is an evening class that ends next week.

Right in the middle of my exams; of which I have 4. Yeah Me!!

But after that I have three wonderful beautiful weeks off before I go back to class. Time to bring out my paintbrushes and paint like I've never painted before.

Where's my beret?

Friday, December 03, 2004

Till the day I die...

For the rest of my life I willnever forget the images of the three year ethiopian girl named Birhan who was dying of starvation. It has changed me in a way I can't yet understand. I want to share this with everyone because I beleive it to be so important.

I was watching Oprah this afternoon, and the story of Birhan broke my heart. In the heart of the Ethiopian famine in 1983, this girl was hours, if not minutes away from death. Canadian reporter Brian Stewart came across the tragic sight that changed his life forever. When the nurse announced that there was nothing they could do for her, Brian sadly carried on with the filming in the village. Five hours later, they went back to where the had left Birhan and her father, expecting to witness a funeral.

But a miracle occured...

The nurse had given Birhan a shot, and somehow, Birhan seemed to be doing better. The nurse was hopeful. If you can beleive it, 20 years later Birhan is alive and well, and through sponsorship, she is attending college. I look at her now and see the depth of her beauty and know there is something very special about her.

The show continued on with other stories of children who have changed the world. I encourage you to check out this link and (even though its Oprah) read about and see these amazing stories.


The other story that touched me was about the baby girls in China who are abandoned because they were not born male. You should read about them too.

Suffice to say, I cried and I cried. I'm not sure what I am going to do with these stories now, but I don know that I will never ever forget the image of the poor child dying in such a horrible way.

I couldn't find the origninal image of Birhan (you can see a recent one of her on the Oprah link), but if you check this link, the idea is there.


Friday, November 26, 2004

The cat's out of the bag!!!!!

Well, I did it. Tuesday,finally, after dwelling on the repercussions and worrying about our relationship later on, I told my Mom that I'm moving to Vancouver next September. Actually, more like she asked if I knew anything new and I told her what I knew. Yikes!

But hey, it could've been worse. I mean, she didn't yell or burst into tears (although there was a moment). But she isn't happy but will find a way to deal with. Today, we started the process a little and we will have a talk. Which we need and will be good.

It'll all work out in the end.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Why me???????????

Today reminded me a an Alanis Morissette song. You know, 'Ironic' ? Especially the part that goes...

"Well life has funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face"

Well... that's the kind of day I've had. Okay at times, but really shitty in the middle.

I just found out that the person I was almost set up to do a co-op work term with (whom I really liked and really got along with) , no longer works there. I really had my heart set on doing weddings with her. She was the perfect person to act as a mentor.

So it came as a bit of a shock when I called the Inn and found out she was no longer there. She never even called me to let me know, so I could know to look for a job elsewhere.

But I'm not totally out of options. There is a slim (and very slim, I might add) chance that the new wedding coordinator might take me on. But I won't hold my breath on that one. I also have another contact I can persue as well as look at possible mrketing jobs (relevant, but not what I want).

On top of all this, I have a major assignment/ project/paper due in every one on my six classes. Three are due in two weeks and the rest are due the following week. That's on top of another one I gad to hand in this afternoon. Suffice to say, I was a little stressed today. Came close to an anxiety attack, but I held it off until I could go for a run after my second class.

There is nothing like feeling my feet pound on the pavement to the beat of a CD I love. My fav to run to is Shania Twain's "Up!" All the songs have a strong beat (even the quieter ones) and that beat matches my natural jogging pace. Works out really nice.

So I went for a run at 4pm. The air was getter crisper as the sun began to sink. It sat on the horizon; a blazing orange ball of fire. As a ran, I let every moment of stress, panic and fear flow out of me. I ran until I felt cleansed. I ran until I was tired and couldn't run anymore. And in my unfit state, that took about 15 minutes. At which point, I walked the rest of the way back to school.

When I got back to campus, I rested, ate my dinner and went to my next (and final) class at 5pm.

And life goes on....

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

I can't believe that it's November 1st! And that I last wrote almost a month ago.

A lot has happened. Mostly I got absorbed in midterms. Had to write three and I've got two back. In Tourism Law I got 90% (go me!- that's a first by the way) and on my Human Resource Management test I got 67% (I can live with that). I'll find out about my last one tomorrow.As long as I pass, that's all that matters.

It's funny. Here I am in my fourth year of post secondary education, and I've only just figured out how to study! What's even more amusing is that I erally don't care about markis anymore. Of course I'd like to do really well. But if I don't, I really don't care. I mean, what's the point? I'm not going on to do a degree, and no one is going to ask me about what I got in a particular class when I'm sitting in a job interview. I mean, really! Thay don't make that much of a difference unles you are one of those people who has to get an 'A' in everything. Not that's there's anything wrong with that. I used be like that. But real life takes over and tends to show you what's really important. And in the grand scheme of things... no one's going to care what marks I got in school were when they hire me to plan their wedding.

On a different note, the weekend was pretty good. My boyfriend was in town (today is our one year anniversary). We had an enjoyable weekend. The sun held out for us on Saturday. We went for a at one of the loval park here in View Royal (that's the town I technically live in, even though it's a pretty small place in Greater Victoria). I enjoyed the sun and the crisp autumn breeze. Later that night we went to Taefelmusik Baroque Orchestra play at the Victoria Conservatory of Music. They were fabulous! I really love Baroque music and this Orchestra (from Toronto) is really well known all over the world. I t made for a nice evening.

Well I guess that's all for now. I should be working on an assignment that's due tomorrow. Bye for now.

Friday, October 08, 2004

Putting things into perspective...

There are days when I look at my life and wonder how things have come together they way they have. Since last year, every time I think I'm stuck in a mental or emotional rut, something happens to pu ll me out of it. Now, I do take credit for finally making decisions for myself and not always others. It was about time and I'm glad I did so. It doesn't make the next decsion any easier, it just reminds me that everything will work out in the end.

Things are pretty crazy right now. With six classes, I am amazed that I haven't totally lost my mind yet! In any case, I really love my classes... I just wish there weren't as many assignments. But don't worry, I'm not that naive. just a little bit of wishful thinking.

Right now I am in the middle of packing. I am going to Kelowna with my boyfriend to spend Thanksgiving with his family. I am really excited; I love spending time with his family.Just have to impress the grandparents whom I'll be meeting for the first time.

This weekend will be good for me. I eally need to get away and refocus. I feel like something in my life is slipping at the moment, and I'm not sure what it is. I need some time to just enjoy 'being'. It is such a simple thing, but often overlooked and forgotten. I need to remember that I can't help other people if I don't first help myself.

On the side of my hard drive is an area I have devoted to my magnetic poetry. It allows me to be creative even when I'm not entirely sure I can be at that moment. Currently this is what's up there:
close my eyes to dream

tomorrow whispers to me
reminds me of
the universe without limitations
a journey with unclear definitions

the truth walks in circles

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Remember to take a moment to breath deep and 'just be'.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Man am I pissed!

I just wrote this incredibly long posting in which I vented all the stupid things that thappened today (boy did that feel good), only to click the wrong button and lose it (Shit!). So I am going to bed before I totally lose it!

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Reflections on a not entirely wasted weekend...

Looking back at yesterday, I realized there was a pattern to the weekend: little homework accomplished. Oh well! I suppose I made up for some of it by thoroughly cleaning my room. I mean, we're talking a complete purging of as much crap as possible and some serious organization. I bought one of thoses plastic stands of drawers on wheels. I actually bought two, but when I was putting the wheels on the second one I realized that one corner was completely broken off and I had no where to put the wheel. Great! Now I have to find the time to go out to Superstore and exchange the stupid thing just so I can finish cleaning my room. (Sigh).

Time is one of those wierd things in which one's perception of it is constantly changing depending on the situation you're thinking of. For example: I have all these assignments and chapters to read but it feels like time is moving so fast that I'll never catch up and finish it all, and I just want it all to SLOW DOWN!

On the other hand, I look at what the next year holds for me and it's kind of scary but exciting all at the same time! I'll be finishing school, starting my new career (hopefully) and moving in with my boyfriend (wherever he ends up living- Victoria or Vancouver-we're not sure yet). This is all going to happen in September 2005. In reality that's a little less than a year away and counts as quite a chunk of time. When I look at all the good things that are going to happen I almost wish I could fast forward 11 months. I can't wait to live in the same city as my boyfriend. In reality, since we've been together, we only lived in the same city for 5 months! It's hard to go back and forth all the time, but we just keep going because we believe so stongly in our future together (and I do realize how sappy that sounds).

The point of all this rambling is that I feel I just can't keep up with time and all the emotions I'm feeling. Sometimes I just want to hide under a big rock... or better yet have someone get me off of this big rock!


Saturday, September 25, 2004

Hello! Welcome to my crazy world.

I am sitting at home in Victoria, drinking Rooibos tea and pretending to do homework. It's not that my project isn't important. It is... and it's due in a just over a week. However, it seems that my motivation lately has been lacking... A LOT!

I'm not sure why, but I have never had this incredible desire to sit for hours on end and try to process words out a textbook. I'm thinking that someone should invent an osmosis machine. Direct dump the contents of the texbook into one's mind and take it from there.

Sound's simple enough but also pretty impossible. Actually, that sounds like most things in life. Guess we have to get our amusements somehow.

I'm sure if I asked my boyfriend about it, he'd go off exactly why it wouldn't work. You see, he's doing a master's degree in physics. He loves to try and figure out how exactly things work. It's pretty cool, but does me little good when it comes to my own studying.

I guess I'll just resign myself to the fact that nothing will be invented before I graduate. At least it is an interesting project for a really neat class.

I'll take what I can get!