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Friday, June 23, 2006

Lessons to learn, trials to tackle and life goes on...

Today is a pretty good day. Considering the last week, that’s saying something. I’m attributing this slight feeling of well-being to the meds. Ah, yes, drugs can be a person’s best friend at times. I’m on three different ones that are all working to help my body recover and ease the excruciating pain I’ve been in.

All the muscles weakness I’ve had is pretty much gone. My energy levels and strength seem to be dependant on how well I sleep… hence a muscle relaxant to help knock me out each night.

I’m also on an anti-inflammatory and a pain-killer because the other two don’t help with the pain. All together they sound like a funny little song… meloxicam, clonazepam and tramadol, oh my!

But at least we’ve taken a step in doing something about whatever it is that is wrong with me. The current theory is that I may have fibromyalgia. A 22 year-old with a chronic pain condition… seems a little twisted to me.

But I went for a head CT this morning to rule out any effect of my mild concussion back in April. Should hopefully have the results before I see the internal medicine specialist on Tuesday. With any luck we’ll have all the pieces to the puzzle and be able to get a diagnosis and then go from there.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to cope. I take it one day at a time because my body doesn’t give me much of a choice right now. If I do too much, I can’t function afterwards and this pain I’m in affects everything I do.

For now, I’m just focusing on looking forward to school in September. It’s about as far ahead as I can look right now.

I think the biggest thing that has occurred since I’ve been on the meds is that I feel like me again. I can laugh and joke with people and interact like the overly social person I am. It might not last long and it comes and goes but at least I feel connected to the world around me.

Something else that has happened is that I’ve slowed down. I mean really slowed down. When your body moves at a snail’s pace, your mind and spirit also slow down. It’s amazing how fast we move each day. We don’t realize how truly crazy and stressed we all are until you are forced to stop and enjoy the world around you. Little things like the sun on my skin, the smell of salt water, or a beautiful flower just make me stop and smile. How do we go through life forgetting these things?

I in no way would wish for to be in this pain and be going through what I am but at the same time, maybe it’s another wake-up call for me to enjoy what I have.

I’ve been listening to the radio at work and Trooper came on with my favourite song. The chorus are words to live by and right now they are my motto for the summer. Sing a long if you know the words! :)

A very good friend of mine
Told me something the other day
I'd like to pass it on to you
Cause I believe what he said to be true
He said

We're here for a good time
Not a long time (not a long time)
So have a good time
The sun can't shine every day

And the sun is shinin'
In this rainy city
And the sun is shinin'
Oooooh, isn't it a pity
And every year, has it's share of tears
And every now and then it's gotta rain

We're here for a good time
Not a long time
So have a good time
The sun can't shine every day

And the sun is shinin'
In this rainy city
And the sun is shinin'
Oooooh, isn't it a pity
That every year, has it's share of tears
Every now and then it's gotta rain

We're here for a good time
Not a long time
So have a good time
The sun can't shine every day
_________________________________

Enjoy the beautiful weekend to come! Savour the little things.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Must have hit my head harder than I thought...

after all, I'm not one to deny lacking the occasionally brain cell but this is getting ridiculous. I can barely spit out words at times and I know this is typical but if I don't write stuff down, I won't remember it, and I mean anything.

So I called my doctor's office to tell him one very huge incident I forgot about... my mild concussion back in April. Hmmm... I think that would be a good thing for him to know, especially since he still isn't sure what's wrong with me.

So now they are working on getting an appointment fairly soon to get a CT scan of my head. Fun. Also, until we find something, I'm still supposed to go to the internal medicine specialist. Somewhere amongst all these tests, I hope we figure this out before I lose my mind completely.

But on a seriously good note.. I have good news (finally-it's about time)...

I GOT ACCEPTED TO LANGARA COLLEGE! So, I'll be starting in September. I am soooo excited!!!! Finally something tangible and positive to focus on.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

The little things in life...

There's something about the feel of the sun beating down on your skin that is soothing. You just soak it all in and let it warm you entirely. That's what I did yesterday afternoon while sitting on my newly fixed stairs. Just soaked it all up. And reflected... and cried a little. Ryan and I had a pretty good fight. This weird condition of mine has been hard on both of us. It just took a little venting to help eachother see where we're both coming from.He's frustrated because he wants to do something and would rather I do something about how I feel than just accept it. But I have tried to force my way past it, and I just can't. I'm not strong enough to will myself well.

So we take it one day at a time. and wait. It looks like I might get an appointment with an internal medicine specialist the week of the 19th. So I just have to be very careful and hold out until then.

Meanwhile, I am so looking forward to coming to the Island. I miss my family. It's been hard on my Mom to not be near me and not able to help. I really can't wait to see everyone. Will help me feel not so lonely out here.

On one last exciting note... I applied to Langara College on Friday. So here we go...