tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84730392024-03-13T12:34:12.464+00:00Destined to be an old woman with no regrets..."When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place" ~Unknown~The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.comBlogger494125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-11693313607661663962012-07-26T09:42:00.002+01:002012-07-26T09:44:16.942+01:00I've moved!The new space is all ready to go!<br />
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Check it out here:<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> <a href="http://lifepareddown.blogspot.com/">http://lifepareddown.blogspot.com/</a></span> and make sure to update your bookmarks.<br />
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I'm excited about the new space and have lots of great stuff planned. Come join me over there.<br />
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This space will stay up as a resource and an archive.The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-61772871705613744272012-07-02T14:55:00.001+01:002012-07-02T14:55:53.728+01:00HiatusI'm just taking a small hiatus while I get the new blog sorted out and deal with a few things that have made life busier than usual lately. I think it'll be a few weeks, but maybe less!<br />
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Stay tuned for info on the new blog!The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-28275464820897257302012-06-22T15:35:00.001+01:002012-06-22T15:35:23.155+01:00The Beauty of a StormWell, the weather forecast predicted heavy rain, and I suppose I can give them props for calling it right this time. As I was coming home from the Friday toddler group I attend, I couldn't help but notice how heavy the air was with humidity. It was raining, well, misting a little really, and I thought how it could potentially cause a thunderstorm.<br />
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I hated thunderstorms as a child. My most vivid memory is this one storm that really sounded like a train had collided with the house as it was passing along. Having grown up in a community smack dab in an agricultural region I was used to the heavy noise of a train.<br />
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This scared the hell out of me.<br />
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I vaguely remember crying and my mom coming in to comfort us (I shared a room with my younger brother then).<br />
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Now, thunderstorms don't exactly scare me, but they sure do get my heart racing. But this time, when that flash of lightning occurs, I wait with anticipation to see whereabouts it is, using the 1second= 1 kilometre rule. That moment when the horrifically loud clap sounds over your head and rattles your home immediately after the flash is thrilling at the same time as it's a little terrifying. I mean, you know what it is, so you can't really be scared, but I suppose it's the same adrenaline rush that causes people to want to watch horror films.<br />
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Inevitably though, there is a build up of pressure and the clouds just burst, pounding everything in rain. And even when you think it can't get any harder, it does, saturating everything and bouncing hard off of every surface. Sometimes it hails, sometimes it doesn't.<br />
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It passes and then the calm returns and the world seems that much more quiet, peaceful.<br />
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I should note that this was a particularly loud storm. K slept right through it.The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-20078313107167666142012-06-21T09:45:00.003+01:002012-06-21T09:45:19.539+01:00A Little ValidationI'm still here… really. Actually, last week was crazy busy as hubby was away, but more about that soon.<br />
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Been musing over things and making some decisions. I will be starting a new blog soon. Just working out all the details. For now, I'll keep writing here.<br />
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I had an amazing, if rather surreal, moment yesterday at the playground in the park near our flat. We had just gotten there and K beelined for the swings. I put her in and start pushing and chatting with her. In the next swing was a little boy (probably about 18 months) pushed by our dad. He made some comment about how his son constantly changed his mind (as the boy tried to climb out) and I laughed and agreed. Then he looked at me and said, "I don't mean to be rude, but where are you from?"<br />
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I get that a lot. There are quite a few North American ex-pats in our area and you can pick us out of a crowd quite easily. The accent helps with that.<br />
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I replied that I was from Canada. He smiled and said that he always wondered when he heard someone who wasn't from around here. I made my comment about the multitude of ex-pats and a woman chasing her own 2.5 year old boy near the larger swings smiled and nodded. She asked me where in Canada I was from in a very clearly North American accent. I said Vancouver. She got excited. Apparently, she was from the USA and had a friend living in Vancouver. Turns out the man was from Ireland and had moved to Glasgow a little while ago.<br />
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We got to talking and really quite seriously, she glommed onto us, peppering us with questions about settling here. She had been here a month and a half. Some of her questions/concerns included:<br />
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-needing adult conversation<br />
-not knowing how to meet people in a new place<br />
-dealing with the uncertainty of knowing you might only be there a little while (hard to commit to things)<br />
-finding ways to get out of the house more<br />
-dealing with the not so nice weather<br />
-missing home<br />
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It occurred to me that I was her a year ago. And there was this empowering thing for both of us in my being able to reassure her that what she was going through was normal, and that I could help her feel that her thoughts and feelings were validated.<br />
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I gave her my mobile number and am hoping she texts and that I see her again. She was a lot of fun and our kids are the same age (well, she has a second who's 6 months). It would be great to help her settle and here's the kicker for me… have a social life.<br />
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Who'd have thought.The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-1046460290890188412012-06-14T09:33:00.000+01:002012-06-14T09:33:38.692+01:00Ponderings…So um, yeah, hi.<br />
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Been awhile.<br />
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The visit with my family was wonderful in ways I'm not sure I can even express. I still have photos to edit and convert and a to-do list that is crazy long, but I'm still here… sort of.<br />
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Debating on something and I think I need feedback.<br />
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I always said I would never move on from this blog name/theme etc. Now I'm starting to think maybe it's time. Or maybe I need a second space.<br />
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Except that I don't think I can stay on top of a full second blog. I can barely keep up with my photography blog at the moment.<br />
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So while I sort out my priorities and what will work best for me, I'm polling the people here:<br />
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Do I start over with a new blog for a clean start (I have some interesting ideas for it)?<br />
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Do I keep this one for the more in depth musings and keep another for photos/recipes/life stuff?<br />
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Hmm…<br />
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While we ponder over this together, here's a pic. :p<br />
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<i>Attack of the 60-foot woman… and her camera. Run!</i></div>The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-49477897202431435842012-05-29T19:37:00.001+01:002012-05-29T19:37:20.725+01:00Cooking for the Soul: Easy Peasy Gourmet Summer SaladAfter 11 hours on trains (ie. lots and lots of sitting) and eating out constantly, I was never more happy to eat salad with dinner again. I really love salad, but dressings are always an issue. I want a healthy one and I don't want to pay lots for something I try and don't like and it ends up sitting in the fridge unused.<br />
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So I make my own. In a small bowl with a whisk. Nothing fancy.<br />
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Olive oil and balsamic is a simple classic. Just drizzle a little of each right over each. But for something a bit more complex (but still really easy to make), try this:<br />
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-juice from half a lemon<br />
-one clove of garlic, minced<br />
-twice as much extra virgin olive oil as you have juice<br />
-pinch of sea salt<br />
-a little ground pepper<br />
-half a teaspoon of grainy or dijon mustard.<br />
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1. Soak the minced garlic in the lemon juice to ease the sharpness of the raw garlic. I do this at the beginning of when I cook dinner, and then toss the rest of the dressing together before serving.<br />
2. Add the rest of the ingredients.<br />
3. Whisk. The mustard will bind it together so if you don't serve it right away, it shouldn't separate too much.<br />
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For the salad I place a large handful of greens on my plate. Top with sliced bell peppers (I love red, yellow or orange for this), very thinly sliced red onion, sliced strawberries. Drizzle the dressing over top and then sprinkle some nice shredded cheese on top (I like gruyere or parmesan).<br />
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Presto! You're done.<br />
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It's light, tasty and healthy. And the best part is you can add, omit or adjust things as you please. Enjoy!<br />
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<br />The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-83391522163416339892012-05-24T22:44:00.002+01:002012-05-24T22:44:18.930+01:00ReunionsAt 10pm, it's only now just dusk here. And cooler. Have I mentioned the amazing summer weather we're having? It's currently 20 degrees celsius. It is moments like this that I am grateful that the front of our flat faces North and that it stays rather cool in the summer. It wrecks havoc on our heating bill in the winter, but at least we don't need a fan, especially when there is a cool breeze is wafting through, like right now.<div>
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My family is here. My parents arrived this afternoon via Amsterdam and after settling into their hotel, came on over to the falt. K was sleeping finally after fighting taking her nap. But we play that game enough and I know she needs the sleep, as evidenced by her being so passed out, she didn't hear my parents and I enter her room to wake her up early so she had time to acclimate to the new-ish presences before we went for dinner.</div>
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I'm not sure I can adequately express how much it means to have hugged my parents again. To hold them tight and feel their familiar embraces. Tomorrow I get to see my brother and his girlfriend and do it again. It's both surreal and wonderful.</div>
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There are lots of adventures to be had over the next week and a half, and I'm very much looking forward to them.</div>
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<i>Summer haze in the park</i></div>
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<br /></div>The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-45529907305737601612012-05-21T16:15:00.001+01:002012-05-21T16:15:47.411+01:00Impending Visits and Other ThingsThe cool, slightly storming weather has disappeared and we have been suddenly graced with warmer dry weather. The timing couldn't be better as my family arrives here on Thursday! I'm very much looking forward to the visit and all the fun we will have. On the list of things to do/places to go are a trip to the Highlands and the Isle of Skye this coming weekend, and some shopping with the girls. My brother and his girlfriend are in Ireland right now and having a good time as noted by the facebook updates when they have a wi-fi signal.<br />
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In other news, hubby was away last week and it was a very, very long week. K was good though, but the days were long. By the end of them, I was exhausted and it took a while to decompress, so I ended up going to be later than I really should have. Then of course she decided to wake up earlier than usual…<br />
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Like I said, a long but good week. We spent a quiet weekend when he got home catching up and enjoying the dry weather.<br />
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Today is warming up to 16 degrees celsius and it's been sunny on and off. So we got out today to enjoy it, camera slung over my shoulder and jackets unzipped (and then later off).<br />
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<i>She was in the middle of spinning in circles…</i></div>
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<i>Bluebells grow all over the UK, including in people's gardens…</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-52491091443998512792012-05-15T08:29:00.002+01:002012-05-15T08:29:50.675+01:00Photo of the Day: Fresh Rain<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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If there's something that spring brings lots of here, it's heavy showers. The weather flits back and forth in a rather fickle way between dry and slightly sunny to torrential downpour and back again in 2-3 minutes easy.</div>
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The beauty about being out for a walk after said downpour is that everything is bathed in water after, and it's hard to be annoyed too long since all this rain is what makes the landscape around us so very green.</div>
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Looking at this particular image, that curled C of gathered water reminder me of a big fat caterpillar! Or maybe an accordian. Nah, I'm leaning towards the caterpillar.</div>
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<br />The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-56745634223964053282012-05-14T09:38:00.003+01:002012-05-14T09:38:49.939+01:00When the Cat's Away…Hubby is currently on route to Geneva for a few days to give a talk at a workshop, so it's just K and I and whatever mischief we can get into.<br />
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Well, not exactly. The spring storms have hit and for the next few days, it's not looking so nice. But I'm hoping that means we'll get a break the following week when my family converges on Glasgow for a visit! It's been over a year since we seen them and while I love Skype dearly, it's not quite the same. I was looking at the passport photo of K yesterday and it just shocked me to see how much she's changed since it was taken! Though my family has "chatted" with her over Skype, I really do think they will be shocked to see how big she's gotten. She truly is a small person in her own right, with attitude and opinions and everything. It truly boggles the mind to think of sometimes.<br />
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So five days with Baby-Girl on my own. I've actually finally gotten the hang of it and the last time R was away, we were just fine and had a good time. I know this time will be the same. K is over the cold she had the week before, which will make things easier since she's back to napping properly and isn't entirely miserable with her congestion.<br />
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Looking at my list this week, some is usual, others are a little different:<br />
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-cleaning<br />
-picking a few things up from the shops<br />
-laundry<br />
-trip to the library to get new books for K<br />
-call Letting Agent to get an engineer in to check the fan inside the oven (it rattles so badly I think it'll fly apart!)<br />
-make an appointment with the small business accountants<br />
-finish the last bits of my business plan and financials<br />
-at least one day with my camera,<br />
-fiddle with business card design (opting for some super basic, inexpensive ones since I can't do much more at the time)<br />
-Playgroup on Friday<br />
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And somewhere in there is all the reading and writing I do. Have I mentioned I'm on my own this week?<br />
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On a completely random note, K loves singing along to things and while she can't say the words really at all, it is terribly cute and makes me smile constantly. It's a nice break from the part of the terrible twos that is possibly the worst: The Hitting Phase. Yes, it is in full swing and man can she hit hard! :( We're doing our best to be consistent in not letting her and trying to get her to channel her frustration in better ways, but man it is ever hard! There are some moments I get rather upset because she thinks it's funny, and in those moments I just sigh and know she'll understand in time. These things don't click in their minds right away. Empathy is a complex skill to develop, and while she shows it in some ways, we know the rest will come in time.The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-6627981277484027432012-05-09T09:33:00.001+01:002012-05-09T09:33:27.537+01:00What's 12 Kilograms?<i>Skip the hand weights and carry a toddler around. </i><br />
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That's my advice for crazy good arm muscles. Said muscles I noticed last night and went, "huh!'" I don't mind carrying her (sans stroller of course), though she is quite capable of walking on her own for quite a ways, but more often then not she moves to stand in front of me and make me stop, throws her hands up in the hair and grins at me.<br />
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How can I say no to that grin? Especially when that grin is followed by snuggling into me with her head on my shoulder. I just soak up her smell and hold her tight, knowing all is well.<br />
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Small things.<br />
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On a final note… this is my 500th post!<br />
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<br />The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-84471326192145625012012-05-07T13:33:00.000+01:002012-05-07T13:35:50.469+01:00Escape!First off, thanks for all your comments about my weight loss. Truly, I'm still wrapping my mind around the change in my body, but now when I look at clothes in a shop, I actually can look at a smaller size and say that yes it really could fit me. Mind boggling I tell you! But on to my story for the day…<br />
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When the sun shows up here in Scotland, you better make the best of it, because it doesn't stick around for long. We do get small stretches of nice weather, but nice can be defined as 'not raining too hard' or 'not as cold'. Everything is relative and I've more or less given up on having an actual season called summer. Case in point, last year, the hottest it got was 21 degrees Celsius… in August.<br />
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But meanwhile, when I saw that this weekend (a long weekend here as today is a bank holiday), had two days of sunshine-like weather, we jumped at the chance to get out of the city a bit.<br />
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A short twenty minute train ride from our nearest rail station took us north-west of Glasgow to a place called Dumbarton. It's a small town and fairly industrial. It sits (as many places do in the area) on the River Clyde and is not too far away from where the the Clyde empties into the Firth of Clyde. The river is fairly noticeably tidal and you can see the kelp on the shores and smell the salt in the air.<br />
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I'm a coastal gal. I need my ocean!<br />
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So, yesterday we set off with snacks and water and a hope that the mild weather would cooperate with us. Not only did it cooperate, the sun came out and bathed us in warmth long enough to prove it existed, as is now noticeable by my slightly red face this morning.<br />
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We explored Dumbarton Castle, which is on Dumbarton Rock, an extinct volcano. The fortress (it has had many incarnations over the centuries), get this, has a recorded history of…<br />
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…1500 years!<br />
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Think about that for a second.<br />
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Don't worry, I can't truly wrap my mind around that either.<br />
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But it's quite high up and has over 500 steps to reach the different batteries and sections. At the very top you can see for kilometers both ways along the river and also see Ben Lomond, a high peak over at nearby Loch Lomand (about 30 minutes from the station we started at).<br />
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I think I needed this trip more than I realized, and also the sun too. I needed a change of pace and scenery to shake me out of the 'blahness' that hit me over the last few days.<br />
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£8.80 in return train fare.<br />
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172 photos uploaded from one of my 2GB memory cards.<br />
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3 hours of fun and sun.<br />
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A reminder that every once n a while you have to go out of your way to shake things up.<br />
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I have so many photos I can share, but here are a few to start.<br />
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<i>View looking west towards the ocean and the Inner Hebrides.</i></div>
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<i>Holding in my top so my clothes don't look nearly so baggy on me!</i></div>
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<br />The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-69882026732931588102012-05-04T16:18:00.002+01:002012-05-04T16:22:32.254+01:00The Amazing, Incredible Shrink-O-RaySo, every time I got to write a post, my mind goes blank. It's not that I haven't had anything to write, but that I most often have the posts form in my head when I'm out and about with Kio and then by the time I sit down to write I suddenly feel uninspired. I've got a fair bit that I'll be writing about in the next bit, but for today I wanted to share some news on the health front.<br />
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Last summer I decided that in order to help myself lose weight and find that healthier trimmer me that I <i>know</i> has been in there somewhere (I saw her the year of my wedding), I needed a goal. So I decided to train for a 10Km run that was happening on my birthday in Sept of 2011. It gave me 2 months to train and I was already back into running at that point.<br />
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Things were going really well and I was able to run over 3km straight. My goal was to run a total of 5km and walk the rest, hopefully doing the 10km in under 90 minutes.<br />
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Then I sprained my ankle. Damn! It wasn't <i>too</i> bad, but then again I was I couldn't walk much for 2 weeks and I was also trying to keep up with a toddler. Four weeks later, I rolled my already weak ankle right outside the hospital and ended up in a tension sock for a bit. I was out of commission.<br />
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But overall I was fairly healthy and we had been eating alright. Christmas wasn't a huge jump in weight considering there were no events for us to attend and it was a quiet meal, just the three of us.<br />
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Fast forward to April 26th, when I decided to jump on the scale after a couple of weeks had passed since I recorded my lowest weight since after I got married.<br />
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<b>Weight Loss Stats:</b><br />
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<u>Total lbs lost since July 2011</u>: 8.8 kgs (19.4lbs)<br />
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<u>BMI change</u>: 29.4 (obese) to 25.95 (25 is the boundary into the 'normal' zone)<br />
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<u>Waist shrinkage</u>: 5.5 inches<br />
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<u>Hip shrinkage</u>: 7 inches<br />
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UK Clothing sizes are different than North American. I thought they were two sizes different, but it turns out they are only one. Am I complaining that I've lost 2 sizes? Nope!<br />
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I'm not hung up on numbers at all. I know what a healthy body weight/shape is for me and the max I can weigh without my fibro bugging me,<br />
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And it <i>has</i> been bothering me lately. I was aching even at the point that I weighed myself. However, it has passed and I'm more or less good right now.<br />
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All I need to to is really focus on some strength training and make sure my muscles are all strong, and we'll have this whole thing made!<br />
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The biggest surprise (aside from the weight change) was trying on clothes at the GAP (shapes I can actually wear thank you) and realizing just how much my body has changed for the better.<br />
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I actually got a little teary. No joke.<br />
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Though, on the flip side, losing weight is really expensive… on my wardrobe. My clothes hang off me…The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-90225698289591198592012-04-23T15:56:00.001+01:002012-04-23T15:56:46.971+01:00Small Things and ImaginingsAhhhh, a new week!<br />
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Like the rain that came in and swept things clean, I have now enjoyed two night of good sleep, which means things are calming down and my body is calling off the red alert.<br />
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I actually, get this, went <i>over to a friends house for lunch</i>! I have to blink when I read that since it seems somehow odd and strange. Me? A friend I can visit? Really? But it's true! After coaxing K into her boots and jacket, and her opting to get into the stroller, we crossed the West End in a respectable twenty minute walk through some bitterly cold wind and hints of warm sunshine.<br />
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Now, my area has some smaller neighbourhoods in it and there are a range of prices. Typically though, we're a bit more expensive as far as housing costs go. We lucked out and the furnished flat we let (rent) is a bit less expensive than it might be. There are reasons for this, as I've discovered, but the realities are that we are unlikely to move until we move to Oxford next year. It's just the way it is.<br />
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Now, on the north side of the west end is a really nice area I'd <i>love</i> to live in. That's where my friend lives. Walking up to the lovely traditional terraced houses, I couldn't help but be envious of the small gardening spaces and the resident's garden in the middle of the crescent.<br />
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Their place is one of those ones that makes my interior decorator side go 'Oh!' It's so hard not to ogle the intricate Victorian mouldings on the ceiling. Now, they're busy parents of a 2 year old and a 5 month old baby, and they only moved in a year ago, so they haven't had much time to do anything with the place. It was all I could do not to jump up and down and say "I'll help!" if only to be able to imagine what decorating a space like that would be like.<br />
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I don't begrudge them their larger and beautiful space. They are both working professionals and have had their ups and downs. But hey, I can imagine a slightly larger (3rd bedroom anyone?) flat with cheap furniture that isn't twenty or thirty years old and falling apart. Certainly it would be nice not to have the bathtub sink a little at the drain end when I get into it. Did you hear that? Yeah, it comes away from the seal a bit. And yes, my letting agent knows. Apparently he's going to get a plumber in to look over everything and hopefully ease my fears about mould and rotting floors… sometime. I don't expect these things to happen very quickly anymore. This sounds very familiar to the time my house tried to kill me. But that's another story.<br />
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For now, I'm looking forward to next month when we hopefully have a small amount of money in which to print some of photographs, buy some cheap frames and make this place just a tiny bit ours for another year.The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-73160790961206284122012-04-21T20:08:00.001+01:002012-04-21T20:08:38.808+01:00Spring Showers...You know it's spring here when the weather changes every ten minutes. Sometimes that's an exaggeration, but quite often not. Even in the summer things can change so quickly it leaves you spinning.<br />
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The clouds have just burst open again, showering the ground in dampness that makes this place so green. I think that's why I really do love it it here as it reminds me of the temperate rainforests of the south coast of BC.<br />
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I was hoping for a longer and more thoughtful post today, but I'm exhausted. I haven't been sleeping well for various reasons and my body is not happy with me. I'm hoping for a really good night's sleep tonight and that I will wake up feeling refreshed and energetic. For now, I leave you with another photo I took back in the spring of 2007 when I was still learning how to use my new digital SLR camera:<br />
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Yes, I realize I'm on a flower theme lately. But it is spring after all...</div>
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<br />The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-5587493626251443712012-04-21T18:43:00.001+01:002012-04-21T18:43:07.562+01:00Welcome!Welcome to the new faces visiting for ICLW (IComLeaveWe)!<br />
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If you're not familiar with my blog, a very quick summary:<br />
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After two miscarriages, we now have a very active 2.5 year old girl, known here as K. I also was diagnosed with fibromyalgia back in 2006 and deal with flare ups from that as well as bouts of depression. I'm from Canada but relocated to the UK last year after my husband accepted a job in Scotland!<br />
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I'm a photographer and foodie who posts about both as well.<br />
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Thanks for stopping by!The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-76520365317919519872012-04-19T15:23:00.001+01:002012-04-19T15:23:20.550+01:00Photo of the Day: Free FallFree fall: the downward movement under the force of gravity only.<br />
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A moment of exhilaration that wraps itself around your being and spreads through you.<br />
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You fall…<br />
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… but in that moment you are free.<br />
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<br />The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-8514843800658180482012-04-17T14:46:00.000+01:002012-04-17T14:46:02.894+01:00Photo of the Day: AstersIn response to the query in my last image, here's a better look at the flowers underneath the tulips…<br />
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On a really cool, but somewhat annoying note in my development as a photographer, I've learned two very important details regarding image size and colour profiles for digital images on the internet. Without getting into details, what it means is that my online images will look better, but I have twice the work if I want certain images in print. <insert sigh=""> Oh well, it's worth it.</insert>The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-61786533803814046192012-04-16T13:50:00.002+01:002012-04-16T13:50:41.312+01:00Simple Joys...- warm sun on my face<br />
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- wind that isn't so cold it freezes my hands<br />
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- a washer/dryer that works consistently now<br />
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-a small face buried into my shoulder as I walk down the street<br />
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-random cackling from K for no reason that anyone but her can discern. Did she tell herself a joke? See something funny? Remember something funny she saw? Who knows…<br />
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-Pretty things to take photos of:<br />
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<br />The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-65549003672409828252012-04-15T12:15:00.000+01:002012-04-15T12:16:23.780+01:00Editing a New Self ImageI'm a Mac user after many, many years of owning a PC and using both at work and school. I'm a photographer and so getting my MacBook Pro was very exciting. I actually decided to make the switch after using my husband's MacBook to put together a video slideshow with music for a client I had done some commercial work for. Not only did I do stock images for their banquet hall, but I shot an event their and they played my slideshow on a bit screen. It was pretty damned cool that I got to stretch my skills and it was one of many sessions I did for them.<br />
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One thing that is clear now compared to even then, is that the quality of the images I take has improved drastically, as had my editing.<br />
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I don't edit all that much really. White balance, contrast, saturation, sharpness, and conversion to B&W are my usual tweaks if I'm not playing around and wanting to do something funky.<br />
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What is interesting are the images of myself (not that there are many).<br />
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I will admit that when I take and edit an image of myself, I do edit out major blemishes in my skin, like this one:<br />
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(You can still see that they are there under the makeup, but trust me when I say they are not nearly as bad)<br />
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Why?<br />
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I've had hormonal induced acne since I hit I got my first period, which was at 15. It's been so bad that I have scarring on my face and I <i>hate</i> it.<br />
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Yes, it truly provokes such a visceral reaction in me because I find it has clouded my self image for so many years. Those who will remember my bitching about my cycles, may recall that I have annoyingly short cycles (21-25 days). In the 2-5 days before I start a cycle, I break out. Sometimes just a little; other times they are big and hurt and all I want to do is hide under a thick layer of makeup (which only makes me look worse).<br />
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So yeah, I break out roughly every 3 weeks or so, which means my skin has barely recovered from one cycle before I break out again. Ugghhh!<br />
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Now, I've tried so many different solutions. I've had prescription cleansers, birth control pills that were supposed to help skin too (and only messed up my hormonal balance worse- I can't tolerate BCPs at all). I've tried consistent facial cleansing routines using inexpensive drug store products, and even expensive all natural products. Nothing works for long…<br />
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Why? Because aside from the fact that my skin adapts to these products too quickly, it's hormonally induced and (I believe) related to the low progesterone that results in my LPD (Luteal Phase Defect). So until I have a solution for that (that I can afford), I don't foresee any magical cures for my acne. I should add though that my hormone imbalance is something I want to look into more…. at some point.<br />
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Suffice to say I cringe when I see myself in photos sometimes. So when I want to use an image for a profile here, or on Facebook, I edit it. I take that lovely little blemish brush on either of my editing programs, iPhoto or GIMP (three cheers for open source) and make those awful marks go away.<br />
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I look at the image I took recently, especially the B&W version I have up here, and go, 'gosh, you know, she's kind of pretty…' Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but my own beauty is hidden beneath a mask that for now, only a photo editing brush can reveal.<br />
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Perhaps I shouldn't care. But I do. My acne clouds my self-image and affects my self esteem at times. It has nothing to do with how I treat myself, but more the confidence I exude to the world around me. On the days where it isn't so bad or I get a small break from the acne, I wear makeup well and can see the same person in my edited images.<br />
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I have no illusions to looking anything other than I look. But I use that editing tool to show myself what I really look like, as opposed to creating some idealized version. That's not the point.<br />
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I just need a reminder of who that women in the photo is. She's there, if just a bit hidden at times.The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-36723718550463374352012-04-11T14:42:00.000+01:002012-04-11T14:42:10.094+01:00Lessons My Toddler Teaches MeWe've had the same argument over, and over, and over.<br />
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You might ask, "But how can you have an argument with a toddler who really isn't speaking?" According to my dictionary, an argument is defined as an exchange of diverging or opposite views, typically a heated or angry one.<br />
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Standard scene: After leaving a place where K has been taken out of the stroller, she refuses to get back in it when we need to leave to go home. Typically this could be the grocery store or a coffee shop or the library. Okay fine, she can walk home and I can hold her hand. Except then she will often refuse to walk as well, which leaves us on the sidewalk with her having a tantrum because I won't carry her the 20 minutes home AND push the stroller, and she stubbornly refuses to walk (which she has done many time before and is quite capable of and even enjoys).<br />
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First off, if I don't have the stroller, I don't mind carrying her at least part of the way. But she's 12 kilograms (a little over 26 lbs)! If I have the stroller and I carry her I have to balance her on my left hip with one arm holding her and then use my right hand to push the stroller (I'm right handed so it's best able to control the tri-wheeled jogging stroller I have).<br />
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Now add to this little scenario that fact that I specifically brought the stroller because I had to go buy food items at the shop (including a jug of milk) and I wasn't going to carry 2 bags of heavy groceries plus a toddler. Forget it!<br />
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This morning, we got groceries and she and I were both a little hungry so we stopped for a bit at a coffee shop. Then we go to leave and as usual she doesn't want to get in. I have one bag of groceries tucked underneath in the basket and one lighter one sitting on top. Fine, she can walk.<br />
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K races for the door and we get outside and through the crowd of people in front of the subway station and then I stop to sort ourselves out a bit. I go to put her in the stroller and she throws a screaming fit. Fine. So I tell her she can walk, but as usual as I try to set her down, she tucks in her knees to her body so her feet won't touch the ground, and I'm forced to either set her down on her rear or hold her.<br />
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What I've been doing pretty consistently is give her a choice. I simply can't carry her plus push a stroller laden with groceries all the way home (and up a hill too mind you). I just can't. Not only can't my arms take it, it hurts my back and by the time I get home I collapse exhausted, sore and unable to move. It's not worth it.<br />
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So I tell her she can either go in the stroller or walk home. Till this morning, neither option appealed to her and we usually ended up in a stalemate with me simply getting frustrated and giving in and carrying her.<br />
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Not today.<br />
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This time, I stayed calm and just kept repeating her two options and explained why I couldn't carry her a couple times. She's two and a half so I really don't expect her to understand it all, but I wanted her to try and get that I wasn't saying no to be mean but because there was a reason for it.<br />
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After a couple of minutes of me crouched on the ground with her sitting on one knee clinging to me, she slowly lets go and happily does a running skip sort of thing. I stand up, unlock the stroller brakes and ask her to hold my hand, which she does.<br />
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And we walk.<br />
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K proceeded to try out every funny way of walking she could and jump in every puddle which elicited lots of smiles and chuckles from people passing by. Sometimes she held my hand, other times she wanted to venture about.<br />
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Half way home I ended up carrying her across a crosswalk because we had to hurry to make the light. Of course after that she didn't want to walk any more! But we were close to the bridge over our neighbourhood river and she likes to look over it at the water. So I carried her there and then stopped so she could look for a bit. I tried to put her down after a minute, but she held on tighter, so I simply held her tight and she snuggled into my shoulder, watching people pass. One woman smiled at her and she eagerly started waving at her as she passed and continued to even after to woman was 15 metres away. The woman turned back and smiled, waving again, and K was thrilled! lol. After a few minutes I tried to set her down again so we could continue walking. Instead of taking my hand, she walks to the front of the stroller and tries to climb in.<br />
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Huh.<br />
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So I get her in and secure the belt and she's perfectly content to stay in the rest of the way back to our flat.<br />
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It might have taken us nearly 45 minutes to make the 20 minute trip home, but it was worth every single minute knowing that we had tested each other, negotiated and come to an agreement we could both accept.<br />
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At first my reaction was, 'Ha! I won'. But that really wasn't it at all. In the end, <i>we both won</i>, simply because we listened to each other. She got to make a choice and I got to set the parameters that would ensure not only that she was safe, but that I made it home in one piece physically and emotionally.<br />
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Now how's that for Parenting 101? Apparently, a calm heart, persistence and patience really do pay off.<br />
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Go figure...The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-48177933880924316712012-04-11T12:47:00.001+01:002012-04-11T12:47:41.926+01:00Photos of the Day: Ode to the West CoastFound these gems of images from photo cds I have uploaded on my laptop. They were originally taken with my old zoom film camera, my guess is with 400 ISO film, in Aug of 2003. The first is at a place on Vancouver Island called French Beach. The second a little farther north up the west coast of the Island called Jordan River (coincidentally it's where people surf on the south part of the Island). The funny part about the images is that they aren't the best (compared to what I take now) but I was still rather intent on being prolific. Except that the definition of prolific shifted dramatically from 24-32 images per roll, to 637 jpg images or 232 RAW ones once I ventured into digital.<br />
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That figure in the first would be my brother who was probably about six feet tall then, if not over. Not that I can recall exactly. But it gives you perspective on the waves…<br />
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<i>I am Wave, hear me roar!</i> </div>
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<br />The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-42705459137734346742012-04-09T14:38:00.002+01:002012-04-09T15:40:27.559+01:00Community Building for the Socially AnxiousSometimes when I really stop to think about it, I realize how overwhelmingly difficult it is to not only be a parent, but to be one in a different country. Had I gotten pregnant and given birth here, I would have had in intrinsic network of people to use for resources. I would have had friends to call up on those difficult days, play dates to set up and so forth.<br />
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Being a stay-at-home-mom who's working on being a work-at-home-mom is more challenging than I ever anticipated. There was nothing in my difficult journey to being a parent that could have ever prepared me for how damned hard it is to not only raise a child but be with them day in and day out.<br />
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In that same breath though I can barely express how much joy and love I have and receive from my daughter. As often happened in the first year of her her life, I started posts and then never got around to finishing them. Sitting in my post list was this little gem:<br />
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<i>Dearest Bean,</i><i><br /></i><i>Yesterday you turned six months. When you were born, indeed, even before that, I had planned to write you letters to let you know all that was going on in your life at that time. But it was not to be. You will discover, in time, that the saying is true: "Life is what happens when you are making other plans."</i><i><br /></i><i>I look into your smiling face as you giggle and wonder if you'll ever know just how much my heart aches in its love for you.</i></blockquote>
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I never wrote any more than that and I surely can't remember what else I wanted to say to her.</div>
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So much love. But ache is the right word too. Some days, trying to deal with a two and a half year old threatens the very last strands of sanity I have. But as always, the moment passes, the day is over and we start again.</div>
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Because I have this social anxiety in my life now, reaching out to strangers is incredibly difficult. Even just starting a conversation with another mom I don't know can make heart race. But as soon as the words come out and the dialogue started, I relax back into the friendly and sociable person I truly am. </div>
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People think that moving to Scotland means I live some sort of glamourous life; as if I am some trendy jet-setting mother off to show her child all the riches of the world. I am not. Really, it's just the same as being back home, except that I've lost a huge chunk of my support network, or the network I do have is 5-8 hours behind me in my day. That being said, the support I do get here is wonderful, if limited.</div>
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It was the unexpected curse of the newly relocated SAHM. I've met lots of other moms- at the playground, at playgroups and indoor play places. The issue? More often then not, they are working, even if just part-time. I'm not. So inevitably they don't have much time for me, since when they are off, they want to be spending time with their family and the friends they do have. There isn't a whole lot of time for that woman who just moved here that they don't really know yet.</div>
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But I'm lucky at the moment that I have found one friend to hang out with during the mornings, once a week or so, who just had her second child a few months ago. She's at home with both of them, so we can commiserate. I also have a feeling that if ever something happened and I needed help, I could call or text her and she'd be there for me.</div>
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I can't express how powerful and comforting that is. A year after I moved here, I'm only <i>just</i> starting to feel like I'm really settled and that I have a life here. Some days it doesn't feel like much, but I am ever grateful for it.</div>
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Going forward and knowing that I will be moving in a year, I can prepare ahead of time, if only mentally for the transition. I'll once again be the newbie trying to settle and fit in, but having done it once, I know what I need to do to build my little network around me. Doesn't mean it'll be easy though. Is it worth it in the end? I surely hope so!</div>The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-79582837300593600022012-04-08T18:27:00.001+01:002012-04-08T18:27:25.219+01:00Photo of the Day: Fawn Lilies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1_jO3yGmP5o/T4HKMKbmJZI/AAAAAAAAAeM/ATQK_g8bQLo/s1600/IMG_0732.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1_jO3yGmP5o/T4HKMKbmJZI/AAAAAAAAAeM/ATQK_g8bQLo/s640/IMG_0732.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8473039.post-18426445552083975042012-04-08T17:29:00.002+01:002012-04-08T18:28:10.108+01:00Cooking for the Soul: Thin Crust Pizza<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
-homemade or pre-made pizza dough (I found a kit of pre-made/pre-rolled stuff that came with a jar of sauce)</div>
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-pizza sauce</div>
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-toppings</div>
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-cheese (I used just a sprinkling of fontina cheese that was way too expensive to be eaten regularly but oh so divine)</div>
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Directions:</div>
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Roll, bake (400F, 200 C). 'Nuff said.</div>
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I can't even tell you how amazing this meal was. The spring veggie one was actually my favourite one, but the pineapple and ham (we used pancetta) made my day too.</div>
<br />The Steadfast Warriorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07974289349468760667noreply@blogger.com2