Thursday and Friday were difficult days.
When you work full time, you probably spend more time in a day with your co-workers than you do with your family. For me, my co-workers are my work-family. I get really close to some of them, especially over time.
On Thursday afternoon I watched two of them leave without even knowing that it would be last time I saw them. A third also left that day.
I cried. Lots.
Restructuring. A word you've either been hearing lots about or will be. At first I was angry about how quickly it all happened but now I've had time to get perspective, I understand how necessary it all was. I just hate that was necessary in the first place.
So to make things more interesting, my job has been expanded and I have a new office. But to clarify, it's not a promotion. I'm just helping out someone in management who needs support, but not an assistant. But she also is taking over Directorship of our company charity, which means we'll be working very closely on next year's golf tournaments. I'm actually very excited about this because we both have the same practicality and common sense when it comes to event planning. This could be the start of a beautiful working relationship...
In other news, it's December 1st. It's almost Christmas. We had our tree trimming at work today and while it was lovely, I'm just not there yet. Our apartment is pretty much disaster (what else is new?) and we have a lot of cleaning and tidying to do before the tree and decorations can go up. Maybe I'll feel better when that's all up. We're even planning to do the balcony. So that's our plan this week.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to feel excited about a holiday that was supposed to be so much more for me this year. Prior to both miscarriages, I'd have been pregnant this Christmas. It's hard to reconcile in my mind that come Dec.25th, I 'd either have been 36 or 26 weeks pregnant. I would have been as big as a house or sporting a nicely defined baby bump. I'd have been planning and dreaming of all the things we'd need to do or get before the baby arrived. We'd have been debating over names, or maybe have settled on some.
Instead, things are different. We're still planning and dreaming, but they're different. These new plans and dreams are more cautious, somewhat tentative. But they're not less hopefully or optimistic. They're just, well, different. Everything seems different these days. Am I different then?