I posted this response on a forum I'm on and thought it's was worth putting here too. The thread was called Looking for Hope- How'd You Do It? It's on a message board for coping with miscarriage...
Thought I'd jump in and add my two cents worth (and I apologize in advance for it being long). First off, I'm so sorry for your losses. I've been where you all are, twice. M/C [miscarriage] leaves you in a very difficult and wierd place, a place most of us never thought we'd be. How do you change that, how do you move on?
I think in some ways, we don't. M/C will always be a part of us. It's shapes our identity, forever changing how we look at life. We no longer look at pregnancy as something that equates to holding a baby in your arms. The innocence is lost.
But that's where each person has a choice. The pain and hurt you feel right now is real and it should never be brushed aside, especially from yourself. It will gradually change and get easier to deal with. It won't feel quite so raw. More like a lingering sadness. Sometimes it'll hit you when you least expect it. And in some ways it's good not to forget. It reminds us how fragile life is. And how beautiful.
I'm slowly coming to the realization that I have to consciously choose not to be the victim here. I'm choosing to be a survivor. Because I have survived, we all have. We're making it through one day at a time. And hopefully, we'll all find our way towards trying agin. But how, you may ask?
In my humble opinion, it's because the dream is so much stronger than the nightmare. Our desire to have a child leads us to risk it all each and every time we try. To risk heartbreak and empty arms to have a chance at one of the most amazing moments any of us can imagine: holding our child for the first time. Those of you who have children already, know this and perhaps for you, you'll reach this realization faster than others. Or perhaps not. So we risk it all, in some cases, over and over again, because the dream is just that strong.
So what is the point to all this rambling? I sure don't profess to have it all figured out. My life feels like it's in tatters, my beautiful strong marriage is rocky and I'm coping with depression along with a chronic pain condition that has flared becuase of the m/c and all the stress.
I guess my point is, that it will get better. Proably not today and maybe not tomorrow. But at some point in the near or distant future, we'll all look back and know that we came out this experience more strong, and determined and humble. We'll move forward knowing that our worst fears had come true but yet we still made it. We may not be the same women we were before, but maybe, we can hope we're better.
And maybe that's the best we can hope for. And yes, despite your fears about not making it through... you will. You are that strong!
All my best wishes and thoughts. I'm a regular all over these boards and always here to talk...Hang in there...
Just thought I'd share this. It's a good reminder for myself when I have a bad day that I don't truly believe my world is ending. :)