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Thursday, November 06, 2008

Finding a place to start

November 4th:

Okay, I'm stuck and I'm not sure why...or maybe I do and I'm not sure what to do about it...
Yesterday I was all gung ho about calling my OB's office to try and get an earlier appt (ours is scheduled for Dec.18). Since I'm so certain about a luteal phase deficiency being my problem, the sooner I get the ball rolling on whatever test or treatments she'd want to do the better, right?


Well here I am. Stuck. I tried calling earlier but it was busy. I've been glancing at my phone for the last hour and a half trying to work up the nerve to call... but I can't.

I guess I'm afraid if I don't wait out the next six weeks and go in with even more concrete proof (via my charts), that she'll not take it seriously. But I don't know that she'll react that and really don't have any reason to believe so. She was great when I had the 2nd m/c and she was the one who did my D&C at the hospital. She has said that when we get the embryonic test results back, we'll go from there. She's obviously willing to help me stay pregnant.

So why can't I call?

November 5th: AM

So I did it. I made the call.

Yesterday I couldn't do it. I couldn't pick up the phone to call my OB's office and try to get an earlier appt. After thinking on it awhile, I realized I was scared- terrified even. Terrified to be here, at this place where you know there's something wrong and that without intervention, I will likely never carry a baby to term. That scares me so much. Such a big step, really, for someone who has had no obvious issues conceiving in the first place.

So I sat with this fear throughout the afternoon (and vented it on one thread yesterday) and overnight. And here we are today. It's a suprisingly beautiful day here in Vancouver and the sun is shining. I manged to get up for my workout this morning for the thrid time in four days (a huge accomplishment with my fibro calling the shots these days).

So this morning, I called my OB's office and asked about an earlier appt. But alas, it's not going to happen. My OB is away for three weeks as of tomorrow and my appt on Dec.18th is really the earliest I can get in. However, her assistant did suggest I see my GP and see he can get any testing I'll need done now, so we don't have to wait. Which means we'd have all the test results in by the time I see my OB!

So I called my Dr's office and I'm going in at 4:30 tomorrow. Me and my charts are taking the first step to making the dream a reality!

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