The evening routine: brush my teeth, go pee, put in "those damn pills", crawl into bed quickly. Simple, routine.
Last night started out no different. I brushed my teeth, went pee, wiped...
I swear my heart stopped beating.
There on the tissue (I'm paranoid enough these days to always check) was pale red translucent blood.
Another wipe; more or less the same. One more; significantly paler, almost not there. Okay, I told myself, it's just some spotting.
I finished my routine and hopped into bed, telling R about the spotting. He looked concerned for a moment but then was fine when I told him that spotting was pretty normal during pregnancy. A lot of women have it.
I crawled into bed and settled in to read. I read my book for about 30mins and then turned off the light.
My chest started heaving, my breath caught in my throat. I was almost sobbing but I couldn't make any noise. R wrapped me up in his arms telling me everything would be fine. I calmed down and then tried to go to sleep.
But I couldn't. The fear gripped me so tightly, almost choking me. I kept thinking Please, please let this be okay for awhile longer! I just want to be happy for little bit longer. Please!! Why can't my body just be NORMAL? I decided I had to check again. Feigning the need to pee again, I got up and checked.
One wipe. Nothing. Another wipe. Nothing. My body, mind and heart all relaxed. Everything is fine.
This morning, all is as it should be. It was just a little spotting last night. Perfectly normal.
This morning a thought came to me. It was something my friend AW told me: I am the exception to every rule. Looks like everything is as it should be.