Welcome

This blog is no longer being updated, but if you like what you see here, be sure to join me over at Life Pared Down!

Sunday, February 08, 2009

The Episode in Which She Momentarily Has a Panic Attack

The evening routine: brush my teeth, go pee, put in "those damn pills", crawl into bed quickly. Simple, routine.

Last night started out no different. I brushed my teeth, went pee, wiped...

I swear my heart stopped beating.

There on the tissue (I'm paranoid enough these days to always check) was pale red translucent blood.

Another wipe; more or less the same. One more; significantly paler, almost not there. Okay, I told myself, it's just some spotting.

I finished my routine and hopped into bed, telling R about the spotting. He looked concerned for a moment but then was fine when I told him that spotting was pretty normal during pregnancy. A lot of women have it.

I crawled into bed and settled in to read. I read my book for about 30mins and then turned off the light.

My chest started heaving, my breath caught in my throat. I was almost sobbing but I couldn't make any noise. R wrapped me up in his arms telling me everything would be fine. I calmed down and then tried to go to sleep.

But I couldn't. The fear gripped me so tightly, almost choking me. I kept thinking Please, please let this be okay for awhile longer! I just want to be happy for little bit longer. Please!! Why can't my body just be NORMAL? I decided I had to check again. Feigning the need to pee again, I got up and checked.

One wipe. Nothing. Another wipe. Nothing. My body, mind and heart all relaxed. Everything is fine.

This morning, all is as it should be. It was just a little spotting last night. Perfectly normal.

This morning a thought came to me. It was something my friend AW told me: I am the exception to every rule. Looks like everything is as it should be.

13 comments:

Melissa said...

Praying for you and your little one.

Another Dreamer said...

Oh no, that's scary :( Are you using vaginal progesterone supps? Those can sometimes irritate the cervix and cause spotting. Hoping it was just some normal spotting hun. I will be thinking of you (*hugs*)

bunny said...

Phew. That was scary. Sending you good vibes.

Dora said...

I completely understand how anxious this is making you. I've heard of so many women who had a lot of spotting and delivered healthy babies. Hang in there.

The Steadfast Warrior said...

I didn't know that about the porgesterone supps! Okay, that makes me feel a little better. Still no further spotting, so the Red Alert has been cancelled.

Megan said...

Praying for you.

Meg said...

Coming from someone who went to the ER multiple times for slight spotting, I can totally relate to the crippling fear any blood can cause. I am a firm believer that progesterone can irritate the cervix.

You are quite an exception the the rule.

Mrs. Gamgee said...

My heartrate went through the roof just reading the first few lines... I am praying and crossing everything for you and your blessing. I'm fully on board for the whole progesterone sup. theory. Hang in there! Hugs

Another Dreamer said...

Glad the red alert is still canceled! Hopefully it stays that way.

Mrs. Olson said...

Praying for you and your bundle of joy :)

this one said...

Ugh, sorry you had that scare. I hope and think it means nothing. I don't have experience with spotting but have read so many blogs with spotting that meant nothing.
Are you on progesterone for a LPD or just for this pregnancy to be safe?

Danielle said...

Sorry to hear about the stress.... hopefully it doesn't return

D

The Steadfast Warrior said...

this one- I'm on the progesterone for my LPD. Guess I'm on it for another, what?, 8 weeks? [sigh] I promise not to complain too much because I know it could make all the difference.