Do you have a time of innocence you like to revisit? Leave a note and don't forget to stop by Mel's to check out what the rest of the class is showing...
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Show and Tell: A Tale of Remembered Innocence
If you're here for the first time (from ICLW), make sure to visit this post first before continuing...
Lately, I've been in a very "Walk-Down-Memory-Lane" sort of mood. At first I thought I wasn't sure why but really, I do know. It's because this cocktail of pregnancy hormones makes me susceptible to my mind wandering all over the place (I mean, more so than usual). Since I'm not ready to think about the future too seriously (SO not ready for that!), I go back and remember other times, other places.
Apr 2008: We had been through our first cycle TTC in March. Do you remember that first cycle? You know, the one where you really have no idea what you're doing in terms of timing and words like BBT, O and LP didn't mean anything? It was a time when I thought pregnancy equaled babies, before I discovered how wrong I was.
We went through April wondering and dreaming of the possibilites. I remember a walk we took through Stanley Park. We talked about how if we did get pregnant that month, how we could tell his family at his Grandfather's 80th b-day party in May. This thought excited us.
This was all before we thought that this cycle was a bust. Before a negative test and the appearance of af ruined the party. Before we found out after 11 further days of spotting after af left, that I was in fact pregnant but miscarrying. Before our dreams and innocence were shattered.
This is a photo from that walk. It's a snapshot of a time where we could dream without worry. It's a place I'm envious of because I know I can't go back there. I've had to dream new dreams with the reality of the past sitting on the edge reminding me of things lost but never forgotten.
I may not be able to go back there but I can look at it and remember.