I feel stuck. I love ICLW (International Comment Leaving Week). It's a great time to get to know other bloggers and share stories, ideas and comfort where needed. In a small way, it's been ruined for me; my heart isn't in it anymore.
It started with an edition of Barren Advice at Mel's where someone was expressing their difficulties visiting their regular blog haunts after finding out that the person is now pregnant. Mel's sensitive answer addressed all angles of the question and was lovely. It was something someone said in the comments that has left me lost. Someone basically said that receiving comments from those who were pregnant, even after infertility or loss, could be really difficult. That even if we were meaning well, the comments could still be hurtful.
I can understand requiring some extra sensitivity but I walked away from the discussion (even after posting my own feelings on it and then reading their subsequent comments) feeling a little sad, even hurt.
I'm sure that part of my reaction is hormonal but there's a part of me that just doesn't understand how my comments are less worthwhile just because I'm pregnant. Hell, this pregnancy hasn't even been deemed "viable" yet! I don't feel like I've joined the ranks of some special pregnant club where everyone is happy and blissful. In fact so many my bloggy-friends who are pregnant I can assure you don't feel like this either. We're terrified constantly, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know that I am just as capable of sensitive, compassionate and appropriate remarks now that a life is (hopefully) growing in me, as I was when twice before, life was pouring out of me.
But I'm not perfect. If I accidentally crossed a line at some point, I would hope that someone would (kindly) let me know. I'm not a spiteful person. I'm not going to tell someone how sorry I am that they are going through a rough time while rubbing my belly. I'm not a complete idiot! But I'm not perfect either. Neither is anybody else.
So why is my voice less valid now? Am I making too big a deal about this? Maybe. But I can't let it go. I want to participate in ICLW, but every time I hover my cursor over a blog who's description doesn't show pregnancy, I stop myself.
I don't know what to do.
Edited to add: So if I'm not commenting on your blog much and I normally do, maybe I'm afraid I'll say something wrong. Most of the regulars I read are great supporters for me during this difficult time but there are those I follow that I don't always get to comment on. I'm second-guessing my commenting all over the place these days, so please don't take it personally.