Bean is feeling a bit better, but I feel like I've been thrown against a brick wall! I didn't know my cheekbones, jaw and eye sockets could ache so much! Pout, pout...
Therefore, tomorrow's Friday Photo Challenge will be postponed till next week. However, if you want to reveal the answer to the What Is It? post (last week's challenge), please do so and leave a comment letting me know so I can go see if any of the guesses were correct. If I'm up to it, I'll post a photo of mine tomorrow.
Hope you're all doing better than I am. I'm going to have a lot of blog catch-up reading to do when I get better!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Under the Weather
I think I'm going to have to bow out of Commenting Week this time. Bean is sick with a cold and I'm pretty under the weather myself. She was being weird yesterday and last night I wasn't feeling the best. It both hit us this morning. I go from being all sweaty to being chilled.
Going to go find my blanket and curl up on the couch and watch the Olympics all day.
Did anyone watch Ice Dancing last night? I cried during Tessa and Scott's skate. It was like this intricate delicate ballet. So moving. And I'm so excited they won! Yay Canada!
Going to go find my blanket and curl up on the couch and watch the Olympics all day.
Did anyone watch Ice Dancing last night? I cried during Tessa and Scott's skate. It was like this intricate delicate ballet. So moving. And I'm so excited they won! Yay Canada!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Finding Where You Left Off
I didn't have the best sleep last night, so when I woke up this morning exhausted, I was pretty certain that my plan for the morning was a no-go. But, after some breakfast and a cup of coffee, I looked longingly out the windows at the brilliant blue sky, the sun bright and warming.
So I went.
In the fall, as a encouragement to help me get back into exercising, we went out and bought a new pair of runners. I paid more for them than I had planned, but when I tried them on, it was like marshmallows had been strapped to my soles. I pronate (my feet turn turn in) and need good arch support. These runners make each step like being on a spring. My back has never loved me so much.
I changed into my workout gear, laced up the runners, and threw my keys, cell phone and iPod into my jacket pockets. Outside, the air was cooler than I expected. Crisp but not cold- perfect for a run.
I walked part way up the street to warm up and then when it felt right, I picked up the pace. Each step cushioned and even, propelling me forward. I ran, finding a rythym with my breathing, relaxing into each movement. After a minute or two, I'd switch to a brisk walk until my heart rate settled and then it was back to running. For the most part I kept a 3 to 1 pace (3 walking, 1 running), which surprised me with how easy it was.
It was only 20 minutes but the time was my own and it was freeing. I hadn't been running in such a long time (2007?!?) and I think more than anything it was about reclaiming something I lost in these last three years. I lost the ability to push myself and at the same time be in tune with my body. With those steps, it was like a cleansing of sorts. When I got back to the apartment, I was tired but also energized.
Having awesome runners didn't hurt either.
So I went.
In the fall, as a encouragement to help me get back into exercising, we went out and bought a new pair of runners. I paid more for them than I had planned, but when I tried them on, it was like marshmallows had been strapped to my soles. I pronate (my feet turn turn in) and need good arch support. These runners make each step like being on a spring. My back has never loved me so much.
I changed into my workout gear, laced up the runners, and threw my keys, cell phone and iPod into my jacket pockets. Outside, the air was cooler than I expected. Crisp but not cold- perfect for a run.
I walked part way up the street to warm up and then when it felt right, I picked up the pace. Each step cushioned and even, propelling me forward. I ran, finding a rythym with my breathing, relaxing into each movement. After a minute or two, I'd switch to a brisk walk until my heart rate settled and then it was back to running. For the most part I kept a 3 to 1 pace (3 walking, 1 running), which surprised me with how easy it was.
It was only 20 minutes but the time was my own and it was freeing. I hadn't been running in such a long time (2007?!?) and I think more than anything it was about reclaiming something I lost in these last three years. I lost the ability to push myself and at the same time be in tune with my body. With those steps, it was like a cleansing of sorts. When I got back to the apartment, I was tired but also energized.
Having awesome runners didn't hurt either.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Photo of the Day: The Vancouver "Spring" Olympics?
It's been so lovely and warm these past days. I don't even need a jacket most of the time. At least it's sunny and not raining...
Swimming With the Big Fish
You know you've hit a whole new level in blogland when you get comment spammed regularily. I had to laugh at IF Optimist's response to this comment on my Turning Point post:
"You have to express more your opinion to attract more readers, because just a video or plain text without any personal approach is not that valuable. But it is just form my point of view"
You should really read her comment if you haven't because I nearly spat out my coffee laughing when I read it this morning. Thanks Darlin', you made my day!
Of course, the comment was "Anonymous". I've considered not allowing anonymous comments but I do have some readers who don't have blogs and occaisionally comment. If it gets really out of control, I'll reconsider but right now I'm rather amused with everything going on. I don't take it seriously because it's not an actual person commenting. I've been deleting the stupid stuff that gets posted, spam links included, but I have tell you how amusing it is for "someone" to leave a comment about how useful and informative my post was for their college assignment. It's happened twice now- both were Photo of the Day posts. How's that for a chuckle? I left the comment above up because it was funny. I think I express my opinion quite well, don't you?
But even more interesting were the two emails I received yesterday from people/groups wanting to advertise on my blog. One of them was an emergency preparedness site. He said that perhaps I'd be interested in having their advertisements on my blog since I had written about emergency preparedness. Umm, did I? Has he actually read my blog? I mean, I'm flattered, really, but unless you count labour preparations, miscarriages and ambulance rides to the ER, I think he's missed his mark. I did write about Haiti, but I think we can all agree that that is a completely different topic.
The other offer was an exchange of sorts. It's to join a free "Mommy Blogger" service and get coaching on how to increase blog traffic and make money off my blog. I just have to put up their widget. I'm not sure if it's just people going around and popping from one blog to another, so I apologize if you get these offers too and you're not interested. It's not my fault, I swear!
This is where I could use some advice. I consider myself a Life blogger who is now a mom, not a "Mommy Blogger". I wouldn't mind making money if it means putting up a few things but that's not what this blog is about. I don't want to take away from my writing and photography. I also don't want to alienate my readers.
What do you think?
"You have to express more your opinion to attract more readers, because just a video or plain text without any personal approach is not that valuable. But it is just form my point of view"
You should really read her comment if you haven't because I nearly spat out my coffee laughing when I read it this morning. Thanks Darlin', you made my day!
Of course, the comment was "Anonymous". I've considered not allowing anonymous comments but I do have some readers who don't have blogs and occaisionally comment. If it gets really out of control, I'll reconsider but right now I'm rather amused with everything going on. I don't take it seriously because it's not an actual person commenting. I've been deleting the stupid stuff that gets posted, spam links included, but I have tell you how amusing it is for "someone" to leave a comment about how useful and informative my post was for their college assignment. It's happened twice now- both were Photo of the Day posts. How's that for a chuckle? I left the comment above up because it was funny. I think I express my opinion quite well, don't you?
But even more interesting were the two emails I received yesterday from people/groups wanting to advertise on my blog. One of them was an emergency preparedness site. He said that perhaps I'd be interested in having their advertisements on my blog since I had written about emergency preparedness. Umm, did I? Has he actually read my blog? I mean, I'm flattered, really, but unless you count labour preparations, miscarriages and ambulance rides to the ER, I think he's missed his mark. I did write about Haiti, but I think we can all agree that that is a completely different topic.
The other offer was an exchange of sorts. It's to join a free "Mommy Blogger" service and get coaching on how to increase blog traffic and make money off my blog. I just have to put up their widget. I'm not sure if it's just people going around and popping from one blog to another, so I apologize if you get these offers too and you're not interested. It's not my fault, I swear!
This is where I could use some advice. I consider myself a Life blogger who is now a mom, not a "Mommy Blogger". I wouldn't mind making money if it means putting up a few things but that's not what this blog is about. I don't want to take away from my writing and photography. I also don't want to alienate my readers.
What do you think?
Friday Photo Challenge: What Is It?
The Photo Challenge aims to allow creative ways to explore a weekly theme through photography.
Follow these steps and join the fun:
1. Post your photo on your site. You are free to leave an explanation or none at all.
2. Leave your name and the link on this Challenge Post. Please use the PERMA-LINK (the link to your actual post, not the main link to your blog).
3. Share your thoughts about my photo and others on the list by leaving a comment. This is our chance to discuss the theme and how each of us thought to document it. Hopefully, this will be more than just "Nice photo".
While I would LOVE everyone to take a moment to take a photo, I realize that it may not always be possible. So, it is perfectly fine to post a photo you have taken previously, as long as it is representative of the theme and how you want to define it.
Oh, and don’t forget one very important thing… HAVE FUN!
______________________________________________
This week's theme: WHAT IS IT?
Follow these steps and join the fun:
1. Post your photo on your site. You are free to leave an explanation or none at all.
2. Leave your name and the link on this Challenge Post. Please use the PERMA-LINK (the link to your actual post, not the main link to your blog).
3. Share your thoughts about my photo and others on the list by leaving a comment. This is our chance to discuss the theme and how each of us thought to document it. Hopefully, this will be more than just "Nice photo".
While I would LOVE everyone to take a moment to take a photo, I realize that it may not always be possible. So, it is perfectly fine to post a photo you have taken previously, as long as it is representative of the theme and how you want to define it.
Oh, and don’t forget one very important thing… HAVE FUN!
______________________________________________
This week's theme: WHAT IS IT?
Take a guess about what it is. I'll post the answer next Friday (people can either do the same or post a photo of the item).
Next Week's Challenge (Feb. 26): THE COLOURS OF LIFE
Life weaves a bright and rich tapestry. Show off a piece of yours...
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Show and Tell: Olympic Spirit
I've had a couple opportunities to get out and experience the fun that is the Olympics. I wish I had tickets to an event but I do have front row tickets at my TV. Hoping to get out and get some more but here are few shots:
Saturday was a rainy day to see the least! Here's a really neat lantern display. They're all lit up at night.
A view of the crowds on the streets. The energy downtonw is amazing and festive.
Another view of the lanterns on a less rainy day.
And what Olympic Tour would be complete without a picture of the Olympic Cauldron.
Now pop over to Mel's and see what the rest of class is showing..
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The Turning Point
I've was laying low this past weekend. R was at a conference so it was Bean and myself. A couple weeks ago, I was freaking out just a little about being left alone for three days. But these last days have been amazing. I survived my weekend alone just fine thank you. And kudos to single moms everywhere. With no one to give you a break and being the one who has to get up every single time at night, it's definitely tiring.
But I have medication and I have to tell you that I feel like me again. I'm still not sleeping straight through the night but at least when I wake up I can go back to sleep fairly easily. Except when R is feeding the baby. Most of the time, I end up awake during the feed.
The most notable change is my emotional state. In talking to friends recently, they've noticed the difference and are quick to point it out to me. I'm happy. Did you read that right? I'm HAPPY!
And it feels great.
Bean turned 4 months old over the weekend, which means we're off shortly to go get round two of her vaccinations. After that, I have a lot of blog reading to catch up on.
But I have medication and I have to tell you that I feel like me again. I'm still not sleeping straight through the night but at least when I wake up I can go back to sleep fairly easily. Except when R is feeding the baby. Most of the time, I end up awake during the feed.
The most notable change is my emotional state. In talking to friends recently, they've noticed the difference and are quick to point it out to me. I'm happy. Did you read that right? I'm HAPPY!
And it feels great.
Bean turned 4 months old over the weekend, which means we're off shortly to go get round two of her vaccinations. After that, I have a lot of blog reading to catch up on.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Photo of the Day: Light Up the Sky
I was watching the Opening Ceremonies at home last night. What an overwhelming and moving show! It made me SO proud to be a Canadian and a Vancouverite. If you were watching, you'll know that after the team of famous athletes lit the caudlron inside BC Place, Wayne Gretsky was transported on a pickup truck through the pouring rain with the Olympic Flame to light the outdoor cauldron at the waterfront in Coal Harbour. I'm hoping to get a photo of the lit cauldron at some point in the coming week.
After the outdoor cauldron was lit, fireworks erupted. I was watching on TV and then realized that from my view, if the angle was just right, I just might be able to see some of the fireworks. For a moment, I got to be a part of the celebration that in the 3 hours before I was witnessing vicariously through my television.
A small piece of the magic...
After the outdoor cauldron was lit, fireworks erupted. I was watching on TV and then realized that from my view, if the angle was just right, I just might be able to see some of the fireworks. For a moment, I got to be a part of the celebration that in the 3 hours before I was witnessing vicariously through my television.
A small piece of the magic...
Friday, February 12, 2010
Friday Photo Challenge: CELEBRATIONS
The Photo Challenge aims to allow creative ways to explore a weekly theme through photography.
Follow these steps and join the fun:
1. Post your photo on your site. You are free to leave an explanation or none at all.
2. Leave your name and the link on this Challenge Post. Please use the PERMA-LINK (the link to your actual post, not the main link to your blog).
3. Share your thoughts about my photo and others on the list by leaving a comment. This is our chance to discuss the theme and how each of us thought to document it. Hopefully, this will be more than just "Nice photo".
While I would LOVE everyone to take a moment to take a photo, I realize that it may not always be possible. So, it is perfectly fine to post a photo you have taken previously, as long as it is representative of the theme and how you want to define it.
Oh, and don’t forget one very important thing… HAVE FUN!
______________________________________________
This week's theme: CELEBRATIONS
It was an amazing experience to witness the Olympic Flame go through our neighbourhood. The energy and excitement in the crowd was immense. This coming together is what the Olympics are all about. No matter our differences, we can come together in fellowship. I am so proud to have the Olympics in my city and yesterday reminded me that some moments come but once in a lifetime...
Unfortunately, the autolink site isn't working right now (again), so leave the link to your post in the comments section and I'll move eveything over later when the site is running once more. Can't wait to see your photos!
Next Week's Theme: WHAT IS IT?
Your mission should you choose to accept it, is to take a photo of something, in such a way as it's not immediately obvious. Our job is to guess what it is. This is kind of fun because it usually results in more abstract photos. Also, you can do this anywhere. If you need an example, check out my post HERE. I got caught up in things this week and haven't had a chance to post the answer but I'll do that on Wed. I'm going to try and put up this post on Thursday evening if I can since I end up being really rushed Friday mornings trying to get this out.
Follow these steps and join the fun:
1. Post your photo on your site. You are free to leave an explanation or none at all.
2. Leave your name and the link on this Challenge Post. Please use the PERMA-LINK (the link to your actual post, not the main link to your blog).
3. Share your thoughts about my photo and others on the list by leaving a comment. This is our chance to discuss the theme and how each of us thought to document it. Hopefully, this will be more than just "Nice photo".
While I would LOVE everyone to take a moment to take a photo, I realize that it may not always be possible. So, it is perfectly fine to post a photo you have taken previously, as long as it is representative of the theme and how you want to define it.
Oh, and don’t forget one very important thing… HAVE FUN!
______________________________________________
This week's theme: CELEBRATIONS
It was an amazing experience to witness the Olympic Flame go through our neighbourhood. The energy and excitement in the crowd was immense. This coming together is what the Olympics are all about. No matter our differences, we can come together in fellowship. I am so proud to have the Olympics in my city and yesterday reminded me that some moments come but once in a lifetime...
Unfortunately, the autolink site isn't working right now (again), so leave the link to your post in the comments section and I'll move eveything over later when the site is running once more. Can't wait to see your photos!
Next Week's Theme: WHAT IS IT?
Your mission should you choose to accept it, is to take a photo of something, in such a way as it's not immediately obvious. Our job is to guess what it is. This is kind of fun because it usually results in more abstract photos. Also, you can do this anywhere. If you need an example, check out my post HERE. I got caught up in things this week and haven't had a chance to post the answer but I'll do that on Wed. I'm going to try and put up this post on Thursday evening if I can since I end up being really rushed Friday mornings trying to get this out.
Monday, February 08, 2010
Shifting
Day 5 on my new med and I'm feeling not too bad this morning. Those first couple of days were tough. I felt like I did in the early days of my pregnancy, the nausea hitting at random times. But so far, this morning is okay. I still haven't had a solid night's sleep, but at least when I wake up, I go right back to sleep, which is huge.
It hasn't even been a week and I can already feel a difference. It's not like something in me switched on like a lightbulb. Rather, it's like slowly opening a window and airing out a room. The freshness breathes new life into you. For me, the anxiety is easing. I still have moments, but they are getting fewer and farther between and less intense.
I don't know if I can acurrately voice how lovely this is. It'll be awhile until I am really better but at least I know the medication is working.
Friday was a first for R and I. We went on a date. R's parents were in town and watched Bean for us while we went to see Avatar. Can I just profess my love for this movie? Being a sci-fi fan, this was right up my alley. Some people (ahem, my husband) say if you want a storyline, stay home a read a book, but I think the story was really relevant to the past and the present. We both were amazed by the seamless way live action was blended with the CG. We saw it in 3-d which took awile for me to get used to since I already wear glasses, so my brain was compensating twice. When we left, it took a bit for my legs to feel right. I mean, after all that flying I did, it is any wonder?
Having that date was lovely in so many ways. I think it allowed us to reconnect a little. To just spend some time together and just be us. It was longest we'd left the baby with anyone since she was born. When we left, I was definitely an anxious mother, but she was down and sleeping for the night, so his parents just had to keep an ear out for her.
My parents were over on Saturday for the day. I miss them both a lot these days. The influx of the grandparents was fun to watch as they took in Bean's growth and got to know her all over again. It reminds me just how much she changes. I see it constantly every day but it must be quite shocking to those who don't see her for weeks at a time.
Lastly, yesterday morning, R went to go rescue the baby from her crib when she woke up and shocked him by being face up. Considering the only way she will sleep is on her stomach, this new development of rolling over makes me feel less guilty about the stomach sleeping.
It hasn't even been a week and I can already feel a difference. It's not like something in me switched on like a lightbulb. Rather, it's like slowly opening a window and airing out a room. The freshness breathes new life into you. For me, the anxiety is easing. I still have moments, but they are getting fewer and farther between and less intense.
I don't know if I can acurrately voice how lovely this is. It'll be awhile until I am really better but at least I know the medication is working.
Friday was a first for R and I. We went on a date. R's parents were in town and watched Bean for us while we went to see Avatar. Can I just profess my love for this movie? Being a sci-fi fan, this was right up my alley. Some people (ahem, my husband) say if you want a storyline, stay home a read a book, but I think the story was really relevant to the past and the present. We both were amazed by the seamless way live action was blended with the CG. We saw it in 3-d which took awile for me to get used to since I already wear glasses, so my brain was compensating twice. When we left, it took a bit for my legs to feel right. I mean, after all that flying I did, it is any wonder?
Having that date was lovely in so many ways. I think it allowed us to reconnect a little. To just spend some time together and just be us. It was longest we'd left the baby with anyone since she was born. When we left, I was definitely an anxious mother, but she was down and sleeping for the night, so his parents just had to keep an ear out for her.
My parents were over on Saturday for the day. I miss them both a lot these days. The influx of the grandparents was fun to watch as they took in Bean's growth and got to know her all over again. It reminds me just how much she changes. I see it constantly every day but it must be quite shocking to those who don't see her for weeks at a time.
Lastly, yesterday morning, R went to go rescue the baby from her crib when she woke up and shocked him by being face up. Considering the only way she will sleep is on her stomach, this new development of rolling over makes me feel less guilty about the stomach sleeping.
Stuck in the Past
I just spent a two hour session with my mom on the phone working our way through our family tree on ancestry.com. We're HUGE into geneaology. I love researching things and solving puzzles. Some interesting facts:
-Currently, our farthest relation was born in 1250. Norman familiy. Hubby came home and when I told him this, he asked if anyone if the family was in the Crusades. Who knows...
-The above line goes back 17 generations (I counted). I'm the 18th.
-I am related to Captain William Bligh, of the Bounty fame. It's a big family so lots of people can also claim this. I'm his 5th great-grandaughter. However, the current puzzle is figuring out what his great-grandaughter's name is as she's our link. Interesting challenge.
-There is more Scottish blood on my Dad's side than there are clans in Scotland. Well, not really, but each line seems to end up being Scottish.
-My mom's side is really interesting. Her maternal side are German-Russians from a place called Bessarabia- an area between Romania and the Ukraine now called Moldova. Some really fascinating history there. We've been able to go back 10 generations, I think, but we've been finding more hints, so there is more work to be done.
But I think it's time to revert to the present and get myself some sleep. Hoping I can sleep through the night. My body is adjusting to the new medication but we're not quite there yet. More on that tomorrow.
-Currently, our farthest relation was born in 1250. Norman familiy. Hubby came home and when I told him this, he asked if anyone if the family was in the Crusades. Who knows...
-The above line goes back 17 generations (I counted). I'm the 18th.
-I am related to Captain William Bligh, of the Bounty fame. It's a big family so lots of people can also claim this. I'm his 5th great-grandaughter. However, the current puzzle is figuring out what his great-grandaughter's name is as she's our link. Interesting challenge.
-There is more Scottish blood on my Dad's side than there are clans in Scotland. Well, not really, but each line seems to end up being Scottish.
-My mom's side is really interesting. Her maternal side are German-Russians from a place called Bessarabia- an area between Romania and the Ukraine now called Moldova. Some really fascinating history there. We've been able to go back 10 generations, I think, but we've been finding more hints, so there is more work to be done.
But I think it's time to revert to the present and get myself some sleep. Hoping I can sleep through the night. My body is adjusting to the new medication but we're not quite there yet. More on that tomorrow.
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Photo of the Day: Yet Another Sunset
You would think I would get bored taking photos of the sunsets from our apartment, but somehow, I never do.
Friday, February 05, 2010
Friday Photo Challenge (2): VARIETY
Yay, we're in business! Technical difficulties are over...
__________________________________________
The Photo Challenge aims to allow creative ways to explore a weekly theme through photography.
Follow these steps and join the fun:
1. Post your photo on your site. You are free to leave an explanation or none at all.
2. Leave your name and the link on this Challenge Post. Please use the PERMA-LINK (the link to your actual post, not the main link to your blog).
3. Share your thoughts about my photo and others on the list by leaving a comment. This is our chance to discuss the theme and how each of us thought to document it. Hopefully, this will be more than just "Nice photo".
While I would LOVE everyone to take a moment to take a photo, I realize that it may not always be possible. So, it is perfectly fine to post a photo you have taken previously, as long as it is representative of the theme and how you want to define it.
Oh, and don’t forget one very important thing… HAVE FUN!
_______________________________________________
This week's theme: VARIETY
It's a simpler and probably more lighthearted than last week and I think, fun. I was cooking (what else is new?) and my photo is both symbolic and literal. Symbolic, in that I was shaking things up and trying something new; literal, in that you can't get more variety than in 15-Bean Soup Mix.
__________________________________________
The Photo Challenge aims to allow creative ways to explore a weekly theme through photography.
Follow these steps and join the fun:
1. Post your photo on your site. You are free to leave an explanation or none at all.
2. Leave your name and the link on this Challenge Post. Please use the PERMA-LINK (the link to your actual post, not the main link to your blog).
3. Share your thoughts about my photo and others on the list by leaving a comment. This is our chance to discuss the theme and how each of us thought to document it. Hopefully, this will be more than just "Nice photo".
While I would LOVE everyone to take a moment to take a photo, I realize that it may not always be possible. So, it is perfectly fine to post a photo you have taken previously, as long as it is representative of the theme and how you want to define it.
Oh, and don’t forget one very important thing… HAVE FUN!
_______________________________________________
This week's theme: VARIETY
It's a simpler and probably more lighthearted than last week and I think, fun. I was cooking (what else is new?) and my photo is both symbolic and literal. Symbolic, in that I was shaking things up and trying something new; literal, in that you can't get more variety than in 15-Bean Soup Mix.
Next Theme (Feb. 12, 2010): CELEBRATIONS
In honour of the Opening Ceremonies for the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Games, lets take a moment to show off the different ways we celebrate. Whether it is a personal and private celebration, or one giant public party, we tend to celebrate the big and the small. All I know is, there is a wonderful energy building in this city of mine and I'm hoping to be able to capture it somehow.
Photo Challenge- Technical Difficulties
Bear with me while I wait for the auto-link form site to sort itself out. The post will still hopefully go up today, hopefully soon...
Guess Who's Going to BlogHer '10?
I don't think I can possibly say how excited I am about this! I can't believe I get to go to the BlogHer Conference in August. The logistics of whether it's just going to be me, or a family vacation have yet to be decided. Much depends on money and where we're living (wherever R finds work after his thesis is done), but I get to go regardless- I've already registered.
So if you're going, give a shout out and we can plan to meet up.
New York City, here I come!
So if you're going, give a shout out and we can plan to meet up.
New York City, here I come!
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Depression Intervention, Take Two...
I woke up this morning feeling much like I did a year ago. Rather than being morning sickness, it's a side effect of my new medication.
I'm still trying to digest my last minute appointment yesterday, so bear with me while I try and work through it.
Reproductive Mental Health. It sounds so, so, serious! Which is what I think I needed; for someone to take this seriously and find a way to push through the wall that has been hindering my efforts to get better. I got the phone call at 11:30 in the morning. I was just about to make myself some lunch before packing up Bean to go to our weekly drop-in. As soon as I saw the hospital's name on the Caller ID, my heart started racing. They said that they had a cancellation and could get me in that day. The appointment was at 1pm. Yikes! We have no car, so I rely on transit and the hospital is a bit of a trek.
I'm running around the apartment, gathering a bottle, throwing things in the diaper bag, wolfing down a hard boiled egg and trying to get Bean ready to go. The anxiety kicks in. Thoughts are racing in my head. What if I'm late and I can't have the appointment? What if I can't find the place since she said almost everyone gets lost the first time? I get to the hospital grounds and aim for the coffee shop, feeling famished since a hard boiled egg does not make for a proper lunch. I grabbed a muffin and a latte.
By the time I found the building (it was across from the building where our prenatal classes were held), checked in, filled out the paper work and sat down to wait for the doctor, my anxiety had reached an all-time high. I could taste the bile in my throat and was on the verge of throwing up.
My anxiety stemmed from the fact that I really had no idea what to expect. I have never seen a psychiatrist before, counsellors yes, but never someone with the ability to prescribe meds. She was, in a word, AWESOME! She asked me lots of questions, trying to get my background story. She learned about the miscarriages, fibro, the bullying at school, my brother's illness and death. All the episodes of depression in my life were discussed. I think I had somehow forgotten how many times I had gone through depression. We had an hour appointment. I think she really needed about three hours to just to get through the basics. My life has been anything but simple. Everytime I tried to simplify and shorten a story, I found I couldn`t. There were too many important details.
At one point, she asked me what I thought I needed. I told her that I need to sleep! The insomnia has been pretty awful the last couple of weeks. I also told here that I needed to tame the anxiety. That, coupled with the insomnia, is what is keeping me from doing what I know I need to do. The fibro kicks in now and again to remind me that it's all linked.
We start talking medication. She asked me if I had heard of a certain one, which I had. She said it's a WONDERFUL antidepressant. She said it almost lovingly, which amuses me to no end. It's good for depresssion AND pain and is indicated for fibro. Two for one! My kinda drug. She gave me 4 weeks worth. I'm on a graduated schedule. Week 1, 30 mg. Weeks 2 & 3, 60 mg. Week 4, 120mg. I'll see her again in Week 4 and we'll see where we are at.
The side effects of this medication are nausea, sleepiness and dizziness. So far the nausea has been the predominate one and I've only had my first dose. It's a delayed release medication, so it'll stay longer in my system and I won't get highs and lows on it. Since I'm obviously sensitive to medication, she said that if I can put up with the side effects (which should get better as my body adapts), it could really help me.
Meanwhile, I'm signed up the PPD/Anxiety Therapy group that starts on the 23rd of this month. Dr. R and a nurse clinician run it. Hopefully, my anxiety will be under control by then so I can actually participate freely in a group. For now, I keep doing what I'm doing, aided by my new buddy. As I was leaving her office, she did remind me that they weren't "happy pills". They may not make me happy, but if these blue and white capsules can help me remember what happiness felt like, that my friends, would be an amazing thing.
Here we go...
I'm still trying to digest my last minute appointment yesterday, so bear with me while I try and work through it.
Reproductive Mental Health. It sounds so, so, serious! Which is what I think I needed; for someone to take this seriously and find a way to push through the wall that has been hindering my efforts to get better. I got the phone call at 11:30 in the morning. I was just about to make myself some lunch before packing up Bean to go to our weekly drop-in. As soon as I saw the hospital's name on the Caller ID, my heart started racing. They said that they had a cancellation and could get me in that day. The appointment was at 1pm. Yikes! We have no car, so I rely on transit and the hospital is a bit of a trek.
I'm running around the apartment, gathering a bottle, throwing things in the diaper bag, wolfing down a hard boiled egg and trying to get Bean ready to go. The anxiety kicks in. Thoughts are racing in my head. What if I'm late and I can't have the appointment? What if I can't find the place since she said almost everyone gets lost the first time? I get to the hospital grounds and aim for the coffee shop, feeling famished since a hard boiled egg does not make for a proper lunch. I grabbed a muffin and a latte.
By the time I found the building (it was across from the building where our prenatal classes were held), checked in, filled out the paper work and sat down to wait for the doctor, my anxiety had reached an all-time high. I could taste the bile in my throat and was on the verge of throwing up.
My anxiety stemmed from the fact that I really had no idea what to expect. I have never seen a psychiatrist before, counsellors yes, but never someone with the ability to prescribe meds. She was, in a word, AWESOME! She asked me lots of questions, trying to get my background story. She learned about the miscarriages, fibro, the bullying at school, my brother's illness and death. All the episodes of depression in my life were discussed. I think I had somehow forgotten how many times I had gone through depression. We had an hour appointment. I think she really needed about three hours to just to get through the basics. My life has been anything but simple. Everytime I tried to simplify and shorten a story, I found I couldn`t. There were too many important details.
At one point, she asked me what I thought I needed. I told her that I need to sleep! The insomnia has been pretty awful the last couple of weeks. I also told here that I needed to tame the anxiety. That, coupled with the insomnia, is what is keeping me from doing what I know I need to do. The fibro kicks in now and again to remind me that it's all linked.
We start talking medication. She asked me if I had heard of a certain one, which I had. She said it's a WONDERFUL antidepressant. She said it almost lovingly, which amuses me to no end. It's good for depresssion AND pain and is indicated for fibro. Two for one! My kinda drug. She gave me 4 weeks worth. I'm on a graduated schedule. Week 1, 30 mg. Weeks 2 & 3, 60 mg. Week 4, 120mg. I'll see her again in Week 4 and we'll see where we are at.
The side effects of this medication are nausea, sleepiness and dizziness. So far the nausea has been the predominate one and I've only had my first dose. It's a delayed release medication, so it'll stay longer in my system and I won't get highs and lows on it. Since I'm obviously sensitive to medication, she said that if I can put up with the side effects (which should get better as my body adapts), it could really help me.
Meanwhile, I'm signed up the PPD/Anxiety Therapy group that starts on the 23rd of this month. Dr. R and a nurse clinician run it. Hopefully, my anxiety will be under control by then so I can actually participate freely in a group. For now, I keep doing what I'm doing, aided by my new buddy. As I was leaving her office, she did remind me that they weren't "happy pills". They may not make me happy, but if these blue and white capsules can help me remember what happiness felt like, that my friends, would be an amazing thing.
Here we go...
Show and Tell: A Guessing Game
I was going to do another food post but I'm going to save that for next week.
Here's the photo:
Now what is it? Throw in your guess and I reveal the answer next week...
Don't forget to check out what the rest of the class is showing HERE!
Here's the photo:
Now what is it? Throw in your guess and I reveal the answer next week...
Don't forget to check out what the rest of the class is showing HERE!
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
With Each Stroke
She drops the old sheet on the floor,
stained, smeared with colour.
Carefully ripping off the plastic wrapping,
it is laid bare- clean and untouched.
She runs her hand across it’s surface,
the texture of the primed canvas,
an invitation to attempt something;
the act more often important than the outcome.
Beside it lays the piece of glass that is her pallet,
with it’s long edges covered in
electrical tape that has
obviously seen better days.
She works the paint on the glass with her pallet knife,
carefully mixing colours,
ultramarine blue, mars black, titanium white-
their names a lullaby she sings to herself.
Pallet knife and brush in hand
She dips them into the paint.
Holding the endless possibilities in front of her,
she touches the stark white canvas,
and waits for the magic to begin.
stained, smeared with colour.
Carefully ripping off the plastic wrapping,
it is laid bare- clean and untouched.
She runs her hand across it’s surface,
the texture of the primed canvas,
an invitation to attempt something;
the act more often important than the outcome.
Beside it lays the piece of glass that is her pallet,
with it’s long edges covered in
electrical tape that has
obviously seen better days.
She works the paint on the glass with her pallet knife,
carefully mixing colours,
ultramarine blue, mars black, titanium white-
their names a lullaby she sings to herself.
Pallet knife and brush in hand
She dips them into the paint.
Holding the endless possibilities in front of her,
she touches the stark white canvas,
and waits for the magic to begin.
Looking back...
... through my posts from last year, it’s occurred to me that I was in serious need of a spell-check, or proof-reading, or both. I’m re-reading to try and gain some perspective on my current situation. I’m always aiming forward but looking back and evaluating things from before help me to see thing a little clearer.
One thing is for certain, I shall be reading my posts very carefully to make sure that when I look back on them later, I’m not so embarrassed by the very obvious typos.
People obviously forgave me for them, because I still have readers. Have I mentioned lately how lovely you all are? You are, and more.
I’m thinking that I should write my posts in Word first and then copy and paste. Hmm, considerations…
One thing is for certain, I shall be reading my posts very carefully to make sure that when I look back on them later, I’m not so embarrassed by the very obvious typos.
People obviously forgave me for them, because I still have readers. Have I mentioned lately how lovely you all are? You are, and more.
I’m thinking that I should write my posts in Word first and then copy and paste. Hmm, considerations…
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
A Year Ago...
... I found out I was pregnant with this crazy kid. My pregnancy wasn't what I dreamed of, simply because history got in the way, as did fear. But she moved early (I felt her clearly at 15 weeks) and showed up just in time.
I had no real expectations of what Motherhood would be like. Even if I did, it wouldn't have come close to my reality.
I love her more than I ever knew was possible. Today she made a funny little gesture that made me laugh wholeheartedly and in turn she started giggling. I keep telling myself that these moments are what make it worthwhile, but the truth is, that these moments keep me focused on what I want more than anything: to ENJOY her. Not just moments, but the whole crazy journey.
Today has been a mix of up, down and sideways. I managed to step out for a quick jaunt up to the store for a couple items. I'm seeing my friend K tomorrow, which I'm really looking forward to. She asked if I wanted her to go over to my place. I said I may go there but that we'd leave it till to tomorrow to decide since a lot depended on whether or not I got out today. As I joked, if I didn't, I would need to stop myself from developing a nervous twitch.
Twitch avoided- temporarily. Now only if I can shake the cloud that's been hovering...
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