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Tuesday, February 02, 2010

A Year Ago...















... I found out I was pregnant with this crazy kid. My pregnancy wasn't what I dreamed of, simply because history got in the way, as did fear. But she moved early (I felt her clearly at 15 weeks) and showed up just in time.

I had no real expectations of what Motherhood would be like. Even if I did, it wouldn't have come close to my reality.

I love her more than I ever knew was possible. Today she made a funny little gesture that made me laugh wholeheartedly and in turn she started giggling. I keep telling myself that these moments are what make it worthwhile, but the truth is, that these moments keep me focused on what I want more than anything: to ENJOY her. Not just moments, but the whole crazy journey.

Today has been a mix of up, down and sideways. I managed to step out for a quick jaunt up to the store for a couple items. I'm seeing my friend K tomorrow, which I'm really looking forward to. She asked if I wanted her to go over to my place. I said I may go there but that we'd leave it till to tomorrow to decide since a lot depended on whether or not I got out today. As I joked, if I didn't, I would need to stop myself from developing a nervous twitch.

Twitch avoided- temporarily. Now only if I can shake the cloud that's been hovering...

11 comments:

Melis.sa said...

((HUGS))

she is SOOO cute!!!


i would go to the grocery store for an hour sometimes just to get out of the house. or i'd clean, just to have alone time...

areyoukiddingme said...

Pretty sure you can only enjoy the whole journey in retrospect. :) Savor the moments - they get you through those other moments that aren't so enjoyable.

What a beautiful girl you have!

Getting out is vital! Staying home all the time does make you twitch - and probably makes Bean twitch too.

Saige said...

Your daughter is ADORABLE. Isn't it amazing to think back to a year ago today? One year ago today, my little girl was born. We've come a long way to get where we are today. I am glad to see you are enjoying motherhood as much as I am. :)

Good luck with the outing. I hope it proves to be just what the doctor ordered. Each little step will make a big difference.

Andrea said...

Oh my word she is BEAUTIFUL! Isn't it crazy he way time flies. I can't believe it was a year ago already! As I've said before, you are such an inspiration, your strength and patience astounds me. Your story is amazing.

AnnaMarie said...

Oh goodness, what a gorgeous, joyous smile! Your daughter is lovely :)

Quiet Dreams said...

First of all, she's gorgeous. I hope she gives you more and more of those smiles.

Second, DEFINITELY get out of the house as much as you can. Do whatever you need to do (within reason, of course) to take care of yourself. It's another way of being a good mom.

The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) said...

I remember having fleeting moments of joy and getting a glimpse of how great motherhood can be...and then having to live with so much depression and disappointment. But with treatment ppd definitely goes away, and the enjoyment just grows and grows and grows! You will definitely have more and more good moments, and then days, and then months, and then years! Keep taking care of yourself...it really does get better!

S.I.F. said...

She is... Absolutely perfect! UGGG. I so want to be able to do a "A Year Ago" post.

Someday. Hopefully someday soon.

WiseGuy said...

Wow...I kind of remember it....not the date 'when you knew'..but I think I had raised a virtual toast to you some time around then...

Bean is beautiful....

And hey, I hope you have fun with K....take care!

Jamie said...

Don't you just want to eat her up?!?!

Getting out of the house is SUCH a big deal. Something I definitely took for granted before Skeeter got here.

I hope you have a great afternoon with your friend!

Another Dreamer said...

So beautiful!!! Hope you have a great time with your friend.