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Thursday, February 04, 2010

Depression Intervention, Take Two...

I woke up this morning feeling much like I did a year ago. Rather than being morning sickness, it's a side effect of my new medication.

I'm still trying to digest my last minute appointment yesterday, so bear with me while I try and work through it.

Reproductive Mental Health. It sounds so, so, serious! Which is what I think I needed; for someone to take this seriously and find a way to push through the wall that has been hindering my efforts to get better. I got the phone call at 11:30 in the morning. I was just about to make myself some lunch before packing up Bean to go to our weekly drop-in. As soon as I saw the hospital's name on the Caller ID, my heart started racing. They said that they had a cancellation and could get me in that day. The appointment was at 1pm. Yikes! We have no car, so I rely on transit and the hospital is a bit of a trek.

I'm running around the apartment, gathering a bottle, throwing things in the diaper bag, wolfing down a hard boiled egg and trying to get Bean ready to go. The anxiety kicks in. Thoughts are racing in my head. What if I'm late and I can't have the appointment? What if I can't find the place since she said almost everyone gets lost the first time? I get to the hospital grounds and aim for the coffee shop, feeling famished since a hard boiled egg does not make for a proper lunch. I grabbed a muffin and a latte.

By the time I found the building (it was across from the building where our prenatal classes were held), checked in, filled out the paper work and sat down to wait for the doctor, my anxiety had reached an all-time high. I could taste the bile in my throat and was on the verge of throwing up.

My anxiety stemmed from the fact that I really had no idea what to expect. I have never seen a psychiatrist before, counsellors yes, but never someone with the ability to prescribe meds. She was, in a word, AWESOME! She asked me lots of questions, trying to get my background story. She learned about the miscarriages, fibro, the bullying at school, my brother's illness and death. All the episodes of depression in my life were discussed. I think I had somehow forgotten how many times I had gone through depression. We had an hour appointment. I think she really needed about three hours to just to get through the basics. My life has been anything but simple. Everytime I tried to simplify and shorten a story, I found I couldn`t. There were too many important details.

At one point, she asked me what I thought I needed. I told her that I need to sleep! The insomnia has been pretty awful the last couple of weeks. I also told here that I needed to tame the anxiety. That, coupled with the insomnia, is what is keeping me from doing what I know I need to do. The fibro kicks in now and again to remind me that it's all linked.

We start talking medication. She asked me if I had heard of a certain one, which I had. She said it's a WONDERFUL antidepressant. She said it almost lovingly, which amuses me to no end. It's good for depresssion AND pain and is indicated for fibro. Two for one! My kinda drug. She gave me 4 weeks worth. I'm on a graduated schedule. Week 1, 30 mg. Weeks 2 & 3, 60 mg. Week 4, 120mg. I'll see her again in Week 4 and we'll see where we are at.

The side effects of this medication are nausea, sleepiness and dizziness. So far the nausea has been the predominate one and I've only had my first dose. It's a delayed release medication, so it'll stay longer in my system and I won't get highs and lows on it. Since I'm obviously sensitive to medication, she said that if I can put up with the side effects (which should get better as my body adapts), it could really help me.

Meanwhile, I'm signed up the PPD/Anxiety Therapy group that starts on the 23rd of this month. Dr. R and a nurse clinician run it. Hopefully, my anxiety will be under control by then so I can actually participate freely in a group. For now, I keep doing what I'm doing, aided by my new buddy. As I was leaving her office, she did remind me that they weren't "happy pills". They may not make me happy, but if these blue and white capsules can help me remember what happiness felt like, that my friends, would be an amazing thing.

Here we go...

12 comments:

areyoukiddingme said...

Hurray for the cancellation list. I know it caused extra stress, but I hope you came away feeling better (or at least like you have a plan). I hope the drugs will help, or that they can find something else that will. Good luck, Lindsay. Keep up the good work!

Melis.sa said...

I'm glad to hear that the appointment went so well! I hope you adjust to the new medication and the nausea subsides. Hopefully your pain is eased and you can get some solid sleep. ((HUGS))

AnnaMarie said...

Best of luck adjusting to the new meds! Wishing you sweet dreams too.

The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) said...

Oh, yay! I'm so glad they got you in! And it sounds like the psychiatrist did a really good and thorough job. That's great! I remember the side effects when I started my meds (ugh!), but I did adjust and then when they fully kicked in--wow--it was just like bliss to not be living with all that anxiety and depression. Hope you have the same experience. And so glad to hear about the support group. I found my support group really helpful.

Quiet Dreams said...

I'm so, so, so glad that you were finally able to see someone. I feel such relief for you. I hope that the medication starts to be effective for you soon.

Quiet Dreams said...

I'm so, so, so glad that you were finally able to see someone. I feel such relief for you. I hope that the medication starts to be effective for you soon.

IF Optimist, then... said...

Super glad that they were able to get you in and give you a few tools to help get yourself into a place of healing, health and happiness. You were very brave and just keep on going there kiddo. You'll make it. We all believe in you.

Mrs. Gamgee said...

I am so glad that you are able to take a step or two forward! Hang in there and know that there are a bunch of us out here cheering you on and holding you in our thoughts and prayers.

Clerk said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kristin said...

I am so very glad they had a cancellation and got you in earlier. I hope you adjust to the meds quickly and it really helps.

MrsSpock said...

Awesome that you got fit in sooner! This doc sounds like a good match.

Jamie said...

What great news about the cancellation! Of course it does no good for your anxiety to get an appointment ~about~ your anxiety then rush around trying to find the place and get there on time. Life is full of ironies.

I hate, hate, hate the side effects for you. I hope your body adjusts quickly and you get some much deserved SLEEP. Restful, blissful, pain-free sleep.