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Friday, March 13, 2009

Old Fears

I'm feeling slightly panicky. I should stop reading the forum I'm on for awhile. It's making me freak out.

It's all statistics. 20-25% of the ladies in my Birth Club will experience a miscarriage. I know and can accept it. It's just that a missed miscarriage is my greatest fear. I hear about women who had a heartbeat one week and then the baby dies. There have been several women in the last few days who have had miscarriages. Many around the same place I am right now.

I'm so scared for Bean. I just want to continue being happy. I'm almost in tears right now (damn hormones)!

In my heart I know Bean is fine.

I just don't know how to turn off my mind.

I just need to make it to Tuesday. We have our first prenatal appointment with my OB. Hopefully she can do a quick ultrasound to check on Bean. I may have to get hormonal and demanding if she says no. :) But she's pretty great so hopefully she can ease my fears.

9 comments:

Melissa said...

Yeah, i had to step away from babymed for a while after i got a bfp. It can be so heartbreaking...and you're stressed enough. I don't know.

I hope the next few days pass by quickly and that your OB does an u/s!! :)

areyoukiddingme said...

Take a deep breath and listen to your heart...

Another Dreamer said...

Deep breaths. I hope the days fly by, and they better give you an u/s if you want one. I bet they will if you ask and explain your fears. (*hugs*) You're doing well so far. That is excellent. Try not to stress out to much (Easier said than done, I know.)

I'm thinking of you hun.

Mrs. Gamgee said...

I can't tell you to just not think about it, because I know you will. But what I can tell you is that there is a whole crew of us out here in internet-land who are praying and sending good thoughts your way. We are here when you need to talk about the fear... and to cheer you on as you pass each milestone.

WiseGuy said...

I am rooting for you. You are alright and the Bean is doing good.

I know that there is no escaping the mind. Find yourself something to turn away your attention - books, movies, meditation, sewing, painting....

JamieD said...

I find myself reading about someone's loss and then counting down the days until I've passed that week. With everyday that passes, I feel like I've 'made it'.

Of course the good thing about the nausea and exhaustion is you know it is all being caused by a healthy bean!

My nausea started to subside around weeks 9-10. I will be 12 weeks on Sunday and last night was the first night I slept seven hours uninteruppted. I am so excited! I usually only make it 2-3 hours before a full bladder and/or crazy dreams wake me up. I'm finally starting to feel like I have a little more energy.

Kim said...

Unfortunately, I don't think there is a way to turn it off. But, you will get through it. Bean is growing and making you tired and nauseous to give you proof. He is already a great baby for a great momma.

I just caught up on your week. The mac and cheese looks outstanding and right up The D's alley.

Rosalind said...

I know what that is like.. I have those thoughts and fears all the time and as much as you want to think positive it is very hard sometimes not to give into the other side of things ...Hang in there

Meg said...

Thinking of all of what can happen is my hardest things about this pregnancy. You are almost to Tuesday and soon enough you will be many weeks in and hopefully feeling a little better.