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Saturday, March 14, 2009

Like a Tonne of Bricks

It was like being thrown against a wall. A very hard wall.

Got a phone call last night. R was out. I answered as it wasn't a strange 800 or 888 number. I should have left it.

Some lady called me from Heritage RESPs to talk to me about governement grants and bonds for my baby's education. Huh. Which baby is she talking about. I of course understood that she was talking about Kenneth. My breath caught in my throat.

She asked me if I have had my baby yet.

I told her no. She asked me when I'm due. I say mid-October. Confused silence ensues...

"But I have April 5th down".

"Well that's wrong since we had a loss".

"Oh. I'm so sorry."

I proceed to tell her that we're newly pregnant and not even close to being ready to deal with something like this. She was very sweet and said she understood and that she'd call closer to October.

I just hope by then there's still a baby to plan an edcuation for.

Kenneth's due date was supposed to be March 27th. It's coming up so fast. If she hadn't called, it would have snuck up on me. I guess I'm prepared for it now.

After she hung up, I cried. Not a lot, but the overwhelming sadness caught me so hard I could barely breathe. It passed after a minute and then I was fine.

I realized that being pregnant again doesn't change anything. They're still gone. These dates will always be there.

7 comments:

Another Dreamer said...

Oh, hun, big (*HUGS*)

Melissa said...

((HUGS))

mine passed a month ago and just today I was thinking about about loss never leaving you.

JamieD said...

I'm so sorry - when something like that sneaks up on you it almost knocks the wind out of you.

My first's first birthday will be in April and my second's due date will be in May. I'm afraid I will be so wrapped up in this pregnancy I'll forget and let the dates pass. It may seem silly but I still want to make sure they are remembered and honored.

Mrs. Gamgee said...

It's amazing how it really can hit you hard. You know I had a moment a week ago along these lines... and it still hasn't left my thoughts. I'm not sure what we'll do, but I know that I want to commemorate those days somehow. (hugs) Be strong when you can... and when you can't cling to your beloved.

WiseGuy said...

Footsteps everywhere...

Hugs.

Eileen said...

I am so sorry you are going through this :-(. I am dreading my approaching due date (before my m/c) in August and can only hope that being pregnant will help ease a little of the pain. I will keep you and your baby in my prayers when I pray for my bean ;-).

Kim said...

I hate it when it comes in a sneak attack. Big Hug.