So I was going to talk about my weekend in Victoria but already it's after the following weekend. So, I guess I'll just keep it brief.
The weekend was great. I got to spend some quality time with my Dad, in anticipation that he might not be around at Christmas.
However, plans have changed a little. The weather at the oil rig camps in Northern Alberta isn't cooperating and the ground isn't as frozen as they'd like. A lot of the guys are no going home for Christmas, so the date we're now looking at is Dec.28... fingers crossed. Meanwhile, my Dad has been covering at a couple of the retirement places and my parents are getting by. Since my Dad and brother are working Christmas Day, my parents are going to my brother's work for dinner. We're going to have a family dinner when Ryan and I get into town, on one of my brother's days off.
We have a busy couple of weeks ahead of us. We fly to Kelowna from Vancouver on the 22nd and then Kelowna to Victoria on the 27th, then take the ferry home on the 1st. Well, Ryan for sure is going back on the 1st but I will likely stay a couple of extra days. For some well- deserved (in my opinion) relaxation and socialization.
I booked Dec.22-Jan.8 off work. Am I ever looking forward to the vacation! I have been so tired lately. Work has been stressful, which in turn put me into a period known as "flare". Basically, my body goes berzerk and is hypersensitive to everything and just hurts all the time. There were moments when I wondered if this was how my life would always be... feeling fine one moment and then in agony the next. Sometimes, I don't know how to deal with it. It's so frustrating to feel so helpless.
But, in those moments, I am reminded that I am surrounded by good people in my life and somehow, it makes everything seem doable. At least I'm out of my recent depression phase. I finally feel ready to tackle the things wrong with my body. I'm finally ready to make the necessary changes that will help me go into remission. The changes are absolutely necessary to my well being. I have no choice. Well, I do have a choice but the other option is a place I despise being in. I can't stand the depressed, pessimistic person I become when I am in flare. That's not me, that's not the Lindsay everyone knows.
But I guess I'm in a bit of a search right now. At 23 years of age, I'm having an identity crisis. I don't know who I am anymore. I mean, to a point I'm not all that different than I was before this past summer, but on the other hand, the Summer of 2006 has changed me profoundly. At school, I have disability status. Sometimes, I'm not sure what that means in my case. For the most part, I function just as well as the average person. Other times, I'm a mess: I can't focus, I can't write or type too much because of the pain, and I'm my prone to anxiety and depression. Besides the physical manifestation of my pain, most people don't even know there's something wrong with me.
This non-visible state of disability is difficult to work with. Sometimes it's like I need to validate my problems with people so that they don't think I'm just slacking off. This definitely comes into play at work where I'm working my ass off trying to meet my deadlines but people still feel the need to remind me that I have deadlines to meet. I mean, just leave me alone already! (Sigh)
So where does this leave the eternal optimist? I haven't a clue to tell you the truth. I guess this is a part of the process I'm going through. I know I'll figure it out in time but time flies by me so quickly these days that I feel a bit impatient.
But...I am so happy that this year is almost over! Good bye and good riddance! 2007 is a big year for Ryan and I and I'm looking forward to getting started on it. So, if anyone knows of any interesting ways to ring in the new year, do let me know.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Bad Weather Camaraderie...
I'll tell you about my weekend later but I just wanted to make a quick comment...
I'm not sure if it's a Canadian thing or just a basic human need but there's something about enduring bad weather together that makes complete strangers strike up random conversation and share stories and commiserate over their collective fate.
Today's instance? A moderately bad ferry ride (70 km/h wind gusts can sure rock even a Superferry) from Swartz Bay to Tsawassen that left 15 minutes late and made it in on time for me to catch my bus. Met a couple nice people and shared some pleasant conversation.
It is events like that which enforce my purely optimist viewpoint that people are inherently good.
I'm not sure if it's a Canadian thing or just a basic human need but there's something about enduring bad weather together that makes complete strangers strike up random conversation and share stories and commiserate over their collective fate.
Today's instance? A moderately bad ferry ride (70 km/h wind gusts can sure rock even a Superferry) from Swartz Bay to Tsawassen that left 15 minutes late and made it in on time for me to catch my bus. Met a couple nice people and shared some pleasant conversation.
It is events like that which enforce my purely optimist viewpoint that people are inherently good.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Are you sure this is Vancouver and it's November?
Well, I'm sitting in my cozy and very warm office in my cozy and warm house wondering where the heck I am.
First we get torrential rains that come close to breaking the November rain record (didn't we do that in January?). Then came the wind storms whose gusts tore shingles off of houses in West Vancouver. Said wind blew all kinds of debris and silt into our water reservoirs making our drinking water unsafe to drink for two weeks. Here at my place, we toughed it out by boiling our water and then putting it through our Brita filter. The filter (which was nearly done already) bit the bullet fairly quickly and then we resorted to buying jugs of spring water from Safeway. We were also very careful to limit the amount of water we used. It certainly was interesting having to premeditate brushing your teeth!
The weather calmed down briefly before drastically dropping in temperature and dumping a foot of snow. Just in time for our boil water advisory to be lifted on Monday. Overnight it was -11 C with a wind chill of -18. Today it was -6 with a wind chill of -19. Can someone please confirm that I'm still in Vancouver? I mean, the last time I felt weather like this, was the 2 years I lived in Ontario, and I was more than happy to leave those days behind me.
So today I compensated by making Shrimp Enchiladas Verde and pretending I was on some beautiful beach in some warm tropical place. A co-worker and her husband are flying to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic tomorrow. Can we say envy?
(sigh)
Since I can't fly off to somewhere with better weather, I think I'll compensate some more by making frozen strawberry margaritas for girl's night on Saturday. That is of course, that the friend coming over can actually make it here and be relatively sure she can get home, seeing as starting tomorrow afternoon, they're forecasting another 10-15 cm of snow.
I might have my down parka, warm gloves and winter boots at my beck and call, but alas, I am still a mild weather west coast girl at heart. Basically, I'm a wimp. :)
First we get torrential rains that come close to breaking the November rain record (didn't we do that in January?). Then came the wind storms whose gusts tore shingles off of houses in West Vancouver. Said wind blew all kinds of debris and silt into our water reservoirs making our drinking water unsafe to drink for two weeks. Here at my place, we toughed it out by boiling our water and then putting it through our Brita filter. The filter (which was nearly done already) bit the bullet fairly quickly and then we resorted to buying jugs of spring water from Safeway. We were also very careful to limit the amount of water we used. It certainly was interesting having to premeditate brushing your teeth!
The weather calmed down briefly before drastically dropping in temperature and dumping a foot of snow. Just in time for our boil water advisory to be lifted on Monday. Overnight it was -11 C with a wind chill of -18. Today it was -6 with a wind chill of -19. Can someone please confirm that I'm still in Vancouver? I mean, the last time I felt weather like this, was the 2 years I lived in Ontario, and I was more than happy to leave those days behind me.
So today I compensated by making Shrimp Enchiladas Verde and pretending I was on some beautiful beach in some warm tropical place. A co-worker and her husband are flying to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic tomorrow. Can we say envy?
(sigh)
Since I can't fly off to somewhere with better weather, I think I'll compensate some more by making frozen strawberry margaritas for girl's night on Saturday. That is of course, that the friend coming over can actually make it here and be relatively sure she can get home, seeing as starting tomorrow afternoon, they're forecasting another 10-15 cm of snow.
I might have my down parka, warm gloves and winter boots at my beck and call, but alas, I am still a mild weather west coast girl at heart. Basically, I'm a wimp. :)
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
A thought and some pics...
Came across the perfect quote for my life (well, another one...):
"Life is drawing without an eraser" (Unknown)
______________________________________________
Sammy!
My Grandfather and I at my cousin Danny's wedding...
"Life is drawing without an eraser" (Unknown)
______________________________________________
Sammy!
My Grandfather and I at my cousin Danny's wedding...
Friday, October 27, 2006
A couple of weeks ago I watched an Oprah episode that has forever changed my life...
And before you laugh, ask yourself this... have you ever had the overwhelming desire to help make the world a better place? Not just think about it and talk about it, but really do something? Have you ever felt so incredible angry and sad at all the poverty and war and unhappiness in this world of ours and desperatley wanted to do something about it?
Well here's your chance! All you have to do is make one small change the next time you go looking to buy a t-shirt, a new cell phone, an iPod.
All you have to do is go RED... as in (Product) RED. This incredible program was started by U2's Bono and an old friend of his. By buying (RED) items you can directly help women and children suffering from AIDS in Africa.
To hear about it directly from Bono, go to this link:
http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200610/20061013/slide_20061013_350_102.jhtml
Click on the video link in the middle of the page. This will bring you to the video's section on Oprah's website. Click the second video down on the left hand side (With the picture of Bono).
"(RED)™ is a revolutionary program designed to eliminate AIDS in Africa. "Lots of people here in the United States have been trying to deal with the problems of Africa in a very serious way," Bono says. "But not everybody has the time to be an activist or put on their marching boots. So we said, 'How are we going to get the shopping malls involved? How are we going to get to where people live and shop…?'"
By buying a (RED) brand T-shirt, a pair of jeans or even a cell phone, you can help save lives. Part of your purchase will be donated to The Global Fund to help those who need it most. Just the T-shirts that the audience is wearing today will provide enough medication to prevent transmission of HIV from mother to child for over 14,000 pregnant women. (www.oprah.com)"
To learn more about this amazing idea and what items are "RED" go to this link:
http://www.joinred.com/home.asp
I can't express how deeply moved I was. I actually spent most of the show on the couch crying because I was so overwhelmed. Overwhelemed enough to email The Oprah Show. Overwhelemed enough that the next chance I have, there is a very special shirt at The GAP with my name on it... I personally want the one that says "inspi(RED)".
Do this and you too can be "empowe(red)"- there's a t-shirt with that one too!
On that same show Alicia Keys talked about the work she is doing in Africa...
"In 2004, Oprah's Angel Network surprised Alicia with a $250,000 check to help her continue her life-saving work in Africa, and her organization put the grant to good use!
Alicia traveled to South Africa to visit the Ithembalabantu Clinic, which means "people's hope." This clinic provides free, life-saving drugs to parents and children with HIV and AIDS. "So many more patients are getting the medications they need to survive because of Keep A Child Alive and Oprah's Angel Network," Alicia says. Donations from Oprah's viewers also made it possible for the clinic to hire its first pediatrician, Dr. Thompson.
Dr. Thompson says that after a year of treatment at the clinic, most people can't tell an HIV-infected child from a healthy child. "Seeing a child coming in being absolutely a waste, literally a walking skeleton, and then a few months later just seeing the improvement…it's a feeling you can't replace ever," she says.
Alicia thanks Oprah and her viewers for their generosity, and she urges people to continue caring about this global issue. "AIDS is 25 years old. I'm 25 years old. There are 25 million [people] already dead," she says. "There is no reason why we can't join together and realize that this is something we have to do. … On behalf of them, let me be their voice and say that there's so much more to do."
For the first time on the same stage, Alicia and Bono perform their duet, "Don't Give Up (Africa)."
Bono and Alicia Keys's duet can be downloaded at www.keepachildalive.org. The song costs $1.49, and all proceeds go to the Keep A Child Alive organization. (www.oprah.com)"
__________________________________________________
Well here's your chance! All you have to do is make one small change the next time you go looking to buy a t-shirt, a new cell phone, an iPod.
All you have to do is go RED... as in (Product) RED. This incredible program was started by U2's Bono and an old friend of his. By buying (RED) items you can directly help women and children suffering from AIDS in Africa.
To hear about it directly from Bono, go to this link:
http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200610/20061013/slide_20061013_350_102.jhtml
Click on the video link in the middle of the page. This will bring you to the video's section on Oprah's website. Click the second video down on the left hand side (With the picture of Bono).
"(RED)™ is a revolutionary program designed to eliminate AIDS in Africa. "Lots of people here in the United States have been trying to deal with the problems of Africa in a very serious way," Bono says. "But not everybody has the time to be an activist or put on their marching boots. So we said, 'How are we going to get the shopping malls involved? How are we going to get to where people live and shop…?'"
By buying a (RED) brand T-shirt, a pair of jeans or even a cell phone, you can help save lives. Part of your purchase will be donated to The Global Fund to help those who need it most. Just the T-shirts that the audience is wearing today will provide enough medication to prevent transmission of HIV from mother to child for over 14,000 pregnant women. (www.oprah.com)"
To learn more about this amazing idea and what items are "RED" go to this link:
http://www.joinred.com/home.asp
I can't express how deeply moved I was. I actually spent most of the show on the couch crying because I was so overwhelmed. Overwhelemed enough to email The Oprah Show. Overwhelemed enough that the next chance I have, there is a very special shirt at The GAP with my name on it... I personally want the one that says "inspi(RED)".
Do this and you too can be "empowe(red)"- there's a t-shirt with that one too!
On that same show Alicia Keys talked about the work she is doing in Africa...
"In 2004, Oprah's Angel Network surprised Alicia with a $250,000 check to help her continue her life-saving work in Africa, and her organization put the grant to good use!
Alicia traveled to South Africa to visit the Ithembalabantu Clinic, which means "people's hope." This clinic provides free, life-saving drugs to parents and children with HIV and AIDS. "So many more patients are getting the medications they need to survive because of Keep A Child Alive and Oprah's Angel Network," Alicia says. Donations from Oprah's viewers also made it possible for the clinic to hire its first pediatrician, Dr. Thompson.
Dr. Thompson says that after a year of treatment at the clinic, most people can't tell an HIV-infected child from a healthy child. "Seeing a child coming in being absolutely a waste, literally a walking skeleton, and then a few months later just seeing the improvement…it's a feeling you can't replace ever," she says.
Alicia thanks Oprah and her viewers for their generosity, and she urges people to continue caring about this global issue. "AIDS is 25 years old. I'm 25 years old. There are 25 million [people] already dead," she says. "There is no reason why we can't join together and realize that this is something we have to do. … On behalf of them, let me be their voice and say that there's so much more to do."
For the first time on the same stage, Alicia and Bono perform their duet, "Don't Give Up (Africa)."
Bono and Alicia Keys's duet can be downloaded at www.keepachildalive.org. The song costs $1.49, and all proceeds go to the Keep A Child Alive organization. (www.oprah.com)"
__________________________________________________
"The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination."Tommy Lasorda
Saturday, October 21, 2006
TGIF!!!
I am so glad that this week is over! More temp receptionist problems at work which culminated in me working all day at Reception yesterday. Started at 8, didn't leave until 5. Let's just say that my body wasn't too happy with me.
But there are things to look forward to. Ryan joined a barbershop chorus a few weeks back and we're going to see them perform on Saturday night (he's not in this one). And my parents are coming over on Sunday. We're going to Ikea that afternoon to pick up vases and candle stuff for the wedding and then on Monday night we have tickets to see Andre Rieu perform at GM Place. I am so excited about that!
Anyway, Ryan's home now and I'm starving so we're going for all-you-can-eat sushi (Robson Sushi is awesome).
Thought I'd include some more photos for your perusal:
(Feeding Sammy the Seal at Fisherman's wharf in James Bay)
But there are things to look forward to. Ryan joined a barbershop chorus a few weeks back and we're going to see them perform on Saturday night (he's not in this one). And my parents are coming over on Sunday. We're going to Ikea that afternoon to pick up vases and candle stuff for the wedding and then on Monday night we have tickets to see Andre Rieu perform at GM Place. I am so excited about that!
Anyway, Ryan's home now and I'm starving so we're going for all-you-can-eat sushi (Robson Sushi is awesome).
Thought I'd include some more photos for your perusal:
(Feeding Sammy the Seal at Fisherman's wharf in James Bay)
Friday, October 13, 2006
13 rolls of film later...
I shot 13 rolls of film between May and September this year. Over the next while I'm going to put up some of the best... here's a glimpse:
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Is it really mid-October already???
It just astounds me how time goes by with out me even noticing! I figured I'd better post now before too much more happens and I can't keep up.
Where to start? Somehow, I've made it this far and am actually doing well. Really well. Which is novel and strange and well, wonderful. My doctor and I have been working on trying to find the right dosage of my medication. It's tricky because it takes awhile to know if it's working and frankly I'm kinda tired of being patient. I want it to work now dammit! LOL! Such is life, eh? But we seem to have got it right this time and even I can tell the difference.
Fibromyalgia is a strange and confusing syndrome. Every time you think you understand what's going on in your body, it throws you for a loop. I'm still too early in the treatment phase to have anything really figured out. It's a process. A really long one that will likely last my whole life. And I'm starting to be okay with that... which is weird (an ultimately good for me). I think it's that freakishly optimistic part of me gone crazy, but hey, stranger things have been known to happen. But at least I do it with drama! (right Claire?)
But as I said before, things are going well. I'm now quite settled in school and am loving every minute of it. I honestly think that I am more prepared and mature this time around. It also helps that I am only doing 3 classes. This allows me to focus more as well as work part-time and not go entirely insane. Right now I am taking Design, Into Painting 1 and the first half of Intro Psychology. All of it is fascinating and all of it really makes me think. It also doesn't hurt that I get to spend Friday mornings immersed in my acrylic paints, which is incredibly therapeutic.
Work is good, and it's getting better.I reverted from full-time to part-time when I went back to school. I had essentially been doing two jobs and am now just focusing on one (which is way less crazy). That meant that they had to hire someone to replace me at Reception. Which they did, and then recently let go since she ended up being a disaster. Weeks of damage control (and reassuming most of the admin duties for Reception) later and I now have things mostly under control and taken care of. Oh, how I can't wait for them to hire someone. The sooner, the better! I only work 16 hours a week and haven't had any real time to devote to my own projects lately. But that is changing and I should hopefully get things back on track soon.
Where to start? Somehow, I've made it this far and am actually doing well. Really well. Which is novel and strange and well, wonderful. My doctor and I have been working on trying to find the right dosage of my medication. It's tricky because it takes awhile to know if it's working and frankly I'm kinda tired of being patient. I want it to work now dammit! LOL! Such is life, eh? But we seem to have got it right this time and even I can tell the difference.
Fibromyalgia is a strange and confusing syndrome. Every time you think you understand what's going on in your body, it throws you for a loop. I'm still too early in the treatment phase to have anything really figured out. It's a process. A really long one that will likely last my whole life. And I'm starting to be okay with that... which is weird (an ultimately good for me). I think it's that freakishly optimistic part of me gone crazy, but hey, stranger things have been known to happen. But at least I do it with drama! (right Claire?)
But as I said before, things are going well. I'm now quite settled in school and am loving every minute of it. I honestly think that I am more prepared and mature this time around. It also helps that I am only doing 3 classes. This allows me to focus more as well as work part-time and not go entirely insane. Right now I am taking Design, Into Painting 1 and the first half of Intro Psychology. All of it is fascinating and all of it really makes me think. It also doesn't hurt that I get to spend Friday mornings immersed in my acrylic paints, which is incredibly therapeutic.
Work is good, and it's getting better.I reverted from full-time to part-time when I went back to school. I had essentially been doing two jobs and am now just focusing on one (which is way less crazy). That meant that they had to hire someone to replace me at Reception. Which they did, and then recently let go since she ended up being a disaster. Weeks of damage control (and reassuming most of the admin duties for Reception) later and I now have things mostly under control and taken care of. Oh, how I can't wait for them to hire someone. The sooner, the better! I only work 16 hours a week and haven't had any real time to devote to my own projects lately. But that is changing and I should hopefully get things back on track soon.
Monday, July 10, 2006
The latest news...
Sometimes I can’t believe how fast time flies. Thought I’d update everyone on my results…
My head CT came back clean which means that if I feel like I’m going crazy, it’s just me, not my brain… :) On Thursday I had an appointment with a Rheumatologist who confirmed that I have Fibromyalgia Syndrome (FMS). I surprised myself by feeling okay with this outcome. It could’ve been a lot worse, so I am grateful that I have something that can be managed but I’m still trying to comprehend that I’ll have this for my entire life. If you’re interested in learning more, here a couple of good links:
http://www.mefm.bc.ca/bcfm/pages/whatisfm.html
http://www.arthritis.ca/types%20of%20arthritis/fibromyalgia/default.asp?s=1
Both pages have solid info except that the Arthritis.ca page is incorrect in saying that it is more common in those over 50 years of age. In fact numerous sources have stated that in usually occurs between the ages of 20 and 50.
Right now I’m in the process of setting up a plan for managing my symptoms. Ideally, I’d like to do this without being on meds, but until I get things under control I have to take a t least one. The specialist changed my one crucial medication to one that is non-habit forming. It takes longer for my body to adjust so I felt so groggy this morning. Nothing better than waking up at 6am on a Monday and not being to move very much. So wish I could sleep till 7 every morning, but that’s not likely to happen very often.
Meanwhile, I have some good news… I am taking some time off work soon and will be in Victoria from July 28th to August 4th (going back to Vancouver on the 5th). So I’ll be around lots if anyone wants to get together. I’d love to see as many people as I can (without overdoing it of course), so please let me know.
Until then, I’m just trying to get through work each week. I’ve been feeling a lot better these days which is a good sign the meds are working.
But I am so looking forward to some serious downtime… :)
My head CT came back clean which means that if I feel like I’m going crazy, it’s just me, not my brain… :) On Thursday I had an appointment with a Rheumatologist who confirmed that I have Fibromyalgia Syndrome (FMS). I surprised myself by feeling okay with this outcome. It could’ve been a lot worse, so I am grateful that I have something that can be managed but I’m still trying to comprehend that I’ll have this for my entire life. If you’re interested in learning more, here a couple of good links:
http://www.mefm.bc.ca/bcfm/pages/whatisfm.html
http://www.arthritis.ca/types%20of%20arthritis/fibromyalgia/default.asp?s=1
Both pages have solid info except that the Arthritis.ca page is incorrect in saying that it is more common in those over 50 years of age. In fact numerous sources have stated that in usually occurs between the ages of 20 and 50.
Right now I’m in the process of setting up a plan for managing my symptoms. Ideally, I’d like to do this without being on meds, but until I get things under control I have to take a t least one. The specialist changed my one crucial medication to one that is non-habit forming. It takes longer for my body to adjust so I felt so groggy this morning. Nothing better than waking up at 6am on a Monday and not being to move very much. So wish I could sleep till 7 every morning, but that’s not likely to happen very often.
Meanwhile, I have some good news… I am taking some time off work soon and will be in Victoria from July 28th to August 4th (going back to Vancouver on the 5th). So I’ll be around lots if anyone wants to get together. I’d love to see as many people as I can (without overdoing it of course), so please let me know.
Until then, I’m just trying to get through work each week. I’ve been feeling a lot better these days which is a good sign the meds are working.
But I am so looking forward to some serious downtime… :)
Friday, June 23, 2006
Lessons to learn, trials to tackle and life goes on...
Today is a pretty good day. Considering the last week, that’s saying something. I’m attributing this slight feeling of well-being to the meds. Ah, yes, drugs can be a person’s best friend at times. I’m on three different ones that are all working to help my body recover and ease the excruciating pain I’ve been in.
All the muscles weakness I’ve had is pretty much gone. My energy levels and strength seem to be dependant on how well I sleep… hence a muscle relaxant to help knock me out each night.
I’m also on an anti-inflammatory and a pain-killer because the other two don’t help with the pain. All together they sound like a funny little song… meloxicam, clonazepam and tramadol, oh my!
But at least we’ve taken a step in doing something about whatever it is that is wrong with me. The current theory is that I may have fibromyalgia. A 22 year-old with a chronic pain condition… seems a little twisted to me.
But I went for a head CT this morning to rule out any effect of my mild concussion back in April. Should hopefully have the results before I see the internal medicine specialist on Tuesday. With any luck we’ll have all the pieces to the puzzle and be able to get a diagnosis and then go from there.
Meanwhile, I’m trying to cope. I take it one day at a time because my body doesn’t give me much of a choice right now. If I do too much, I can’t function afterwards and this pain I’m in affects everything I do.
For now, I’m just focusing on looking forward to school in September. It’s about as far ahead as I can look right now.
I think the biggest thing that has occurred since I’ve been on the meds is that I feel like me again. I can laugh and joke with people and interact like the overly social person I am. It might not last long and it comes and goes but at least I feel connected to the world around me.
Something else that has happened is that I’ve slowed down. I mean really slowed down. When your body moves at a snail’s pace, your mind and spirit also slow down. It’s amazing how fast we move each day. We don’t realize how truly crazy and stressed we all are until you are forced to stop and enjoy the world around you. Little things like the sun on my skin, the smell of salt water, or a beautiful flower just make me stop and smile. How do we go through life forgetting these things?
I in no way would wish for to be in this pain and be going through what I am but at the same time, maybe it’s another wake-up call for me to enjoy what I have.
I’ve been listening to the radio at work and Trooper came on with my favourite song. The chorus are words to live by and right now they are my motto for the summer. Sing a long if you know the words! :)
A very good friend of mine
Told me something the other day
I'd like to pass it on to you
Cause I believe what he said to be true
He said
We're here for a good time
Not a long time (not a long time)
So have a good time
The sun can't shine every day
And the sun is shinin'
In this rainy city
And the sun is shinin'
Oooooh, isn't it a pity
And every year, has it's share of tears
And every now and then it's gotta rain
We're here for a good time
Not a long time
So have a good time
The sun can't shine every day
And the sun is shinin'
In this rainy city
And the sun is shinin'
Oooooh, isn't it a pity
That every year, has it's share of tears
Every now and then it's gotta rain
We're here for a good time
Not a long time
So have a good time
The sun can't shine every day
_________________________________
Enjoy the beautiful weekend to come! Savour the little things.
All the muscles weakness I’ve had is pretty much gone. My energy levels and strength seem to be dependant on how well I sleep… hence a muscle relaxant to help knock me out each night.
I’m also on an anti-inflammatory and a pain-killer because the other two don’t help with the pain. All together they sound like a funny little song… meloxicam, clonazepam and tramadol, oh my!
But at least we’ve taken a step in doing something about whatever it is that is wrong with me. The current theory is that I may have fibromyalgia. A 22 year-old with a chronic pain condition… seems a little twisted to me.
But I went for a head CT this morning to rule out any effect of my mild concussion back in April. Should hopefully have the results before I see the internal medicine specialist on Tuesday. With any luck we’ll have all the pieces to the puzzle and be able to get a diagnosis and then go from there.
Meanwhile, I’m trying to cope. I take it one day at a time because my body doesn’t give me much of a choice right now. If I do too much, I can’t function afterwards and this pain I’m in affects everything I do.
For now, I’m just focusing on looking forward to school in September. It’s about as far ahead as I can look right now.
I think the biggest thing that has occurred since I’ve been on the meds is that I feel like me again. I can laugh and joke with people and interact like the overly social person I am. It might not last long and it comes and goes but at least I feel connected to the world around me.
Something else that has happened is that I’ve slowed down. I mean really slowed down. When your body moves at a snail’s pace, your mind and spirit also slow down. It’s amazing how fast we move each day. We don’t realize how truly crazy and stressed we all are until you are forced to stop and enjoy the world around you. Little things like the sun on my skin, the smell of salt water, or a beautiful flower just make me stop and smile. How do we go through life forgetting these things?
I in no way would wish for to be in this pain and be going through what I am but at the same time, maybe it’s another wake-up call for me to enjoy what I have.
I’ve been listening to the radio at work and Trooper came on with my favourite song. The chorus are words to live by and right now they are my motto for the summer. Sing a long if you know the words! :)
A very good friend of mine
Told me something the other day
I'd like to pass it on to you
Cause I believe what he said to be true
He said
We're here for a good time
Not a long time (not a long time)
So have a good time
The sun can't shine every day
And the sun is shinin'
In this rainy city
And the sun is shinin'
Oooooh, isn't it a pity
And every year, has it's share of tears
And every now and then it's gotta rain
We're here for a good time
Not a long time
So have a good time
The sun can't shine every day
And the sun is shinin'
In this rainy city
And the sun is shinin'
Oooooh, isn't it a pity
That every year, has it's share of tears
Every now and then it's gotta rain
We're here for a good time
Not a long time
So have a good time
The sun can't shine every day
_________________________________
Enjoy the beautiful weekend to come! Savour the little things.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Must have hit my head harder than I thought...
after all, I'm not one to deny lacking the occasionally brain cell but this is getting ridiculous. I can barely spit out words at times and I know this is typical but if I don't write stuff down, I won't remember it, and I mean anything.
So I called my doctor's office to tell him one very huge incident I forgot about... my mild concussion back in April. Hmmm... I think that would be a good thing for him to know, especially since he still isn't sure what's wrong with me.
So now they are working on getting an appointment fairly soon to get a CT scan of my head. Fun. Also, until we find something, I'm still supposed to go to the internal medicine specialist. Somewhere amongst all these tests, I hope we figure this out before I lose my mind completely.
But on a seriously good note.. I have good news (finally-it's about time)...
I GOT ACCEPTED TO LANGARA COLLEGE! So, I'll be starting in September. I am soooo excited!!!! Finally something tangible and positive to focus on.
So I called my doctor's office to tell him one very huge incident I forgot about... my mild concussion back in April. Hmmm... I think that would be a good thing for him to know, especially since he still isn't sure what's wrong with me.
So now they are working on getting an appointment fairly soon to get a CT scan of my head. Fun. Also, until we find something, I'm still supposed to go to the internal medicine specialist. Somewhere amongst all these tests, I hope we figure this out before I lose my mind completely.
But on a seriously good note.. I have good news (finally-it's about time)...
I GOT ACCEPTED TO LANGARA COLLEGE! So, I'll be starting in September. I am soooo excited!!!! Finally something tangible and positive to focus on.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
The little things in life...
There's something about the feel of the sun beating down on your skin that is soothing. You just soak it all in and let it warm you entirely. That's what I did yesterday afternoon while sitting on my newly fixed stairs. Just soaked it all up. And reflected... and cried a little. Ryan and I had a pretty good fight. This weird condition of mine has been hard on both of us. It just took a little venting to help eachother see where we're both coming from.He's frustrated because he wants to do something and would rather I do something about how I feel than just accept it. But I have tried to force my way past it, and I just can't. I'm not strong enough to will myself well.
So we take it one day at a time. and wait. It looks like I might get an appointment with an internal medicine specialist the week of the 19th. So I just have to be very careful and hold out until then.
Meanwhile, I am so looking forward to coming to the Island. I miss my family. It's been hard on my Mom to not be near me and not able to help. I really can't wait to see everyone. Will help me feel not so lonely out here.
On one last exciting note... I applied to Langara College on Friday. So here we go...
So we take it one day at a time. and wait. It looks like I might get an appointment with an internal medicine specialist the week of the 19th. So I just have to be very careful and hold out until then.
Meanwhile, I am so looking forward to coming to the Island. I miss my family. It's been hard on my Mom to not be near me and not able to help. I really can't wait to see everyone. Will help me feel not so lonely out here.
On one last exciting note... I applied to Langara College on Friday. So here we go...
Saturday, May 27, 2006
OK, so all I know is we don't know anything...
Went to my doctor yesterday after work to see if we could figure out what's wrong with me. After my ER escapade, I'm more than a little afraid of going through that again, so I'd really like to know what's going on.
I told him all my symptoms and I pretty much baffled him. We've ruled out an iron deficiency because I had blood work done a while ago and it came back clean. So much for that theory. We're also working on the premises that my two episodes are related because I had the same symptoms. That of course could be wrong but nothing else makes sense.
So, he's making an appointment with a specialist (what kind I have no idea) and we'll go from there. The only issue I'm having right now is that I've used up almost all of my sick days and I only 2 1/2 days left and then I'd have to start using the remainder of my vacation days so that I still get paid. But I guess we'll deal with that bridge when we get to it.
But today, I'm not going to worry about. I'm going to go out and get some fresh air but take it easy because I still don't feel all that strong.
Does someone know where my silver linings have gotten too? Because this optimist is struggling.
I told him all my symptoms and I pretty much baffled him. We've ruled out an iron deficiency because I had blood work done a while ago and it came back clean. So much for that theory. We're also working on the premises that my two episodes are related because I had the same symptoms. That of course could be wrong but nothing else makes sense.
So, he's making an appointment with a specialist (what kind I have no idea) and we'll go from there. The only issue I'm having right now is that I've used up almost all of my sick days and I only 2 1/2 days left and then I'd have to start using the remainder of my vacation days so that I still get paid. But I guess we'll deal with that bridge when we get to it.
But today, I'm not going to worry about. I'm going to go out and get some fresh air but take it easy because I still don't feel all that strong.
Does someone know where my silver linings have gotten too? Because this optimist is struggling.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Can I just have a normal uneventful week?
You'd think that going on vacation would give me a chance to de-stress and not worry about things but that doesn't seem to be the case with me.
First off, Calgary was great. Couldn't for the life of us find a car-rental company that had a car available for rent but we really enjoyed ourselves.So instead of going to Banff and Lake Louise like planned, we just hung around Calgary. Spent 6 great and very hot and sunny hours at the Calgary Zoo on Saturday and spent a couple of hours at Fish Creek Provincial Park on Sunday. I basically had a fabulous time, got some great photography and soaked up the sun (perhaps a little more than I should have-I'm about 3 shades darker than I was the weekend before).
Things seem to be going somewhere with our house. Our landlord has brought a second contractor to look at our place because it seems the first one can't do it soon enough. That seems like good progress to me. At least he's concerned with getting it done soon.
But the best part of this week so far has to be hands down my visit to the emergency room at St.Paul's Hospital. Late yesterday morning I started getting really dizzy and my vision went all spotty, just like when I had the stomach flu. But despite my stomach feeling a little nauseous, I didn't have any normal flu symptoms. After getting a hold of Ryan, I had a co-worker drive me to the hospital. My body felt like a dead weight and my feet and hands were all tingle and cold as if I had no circulation. Not to mention that I couldn't walk in a straight line.
I waited about 10 minutes to see the triage nurse who then took my vitals while we waited for them to admit me. At this point I'm sitting in a chair right in the middle of where all the paramedics are coming and going. It was so busy that they couldn't get me a bed and I spent the rest of the five hour visit on a gurney in the hallway next to Emerg. Admitting. They ran a battery of tests including bloodwork and an ECG (very interesting experience I must say). The nurses were great considering the circumstances. They did their best to give me some privacy as the hooked me up to the ECG machine (I had all the patches on my body- very sticky and difficult to remove. After ruling out something wrong with my brain, the doctor treating me (who had the best bedside manners of most doctors I've ever met) got me started on an IV right away in hopes that hydrating me would help. They also added Gravol which knocked me out pretty quickly.
Oh and some other fun... I learned I have IV veins in my left arm. 2 Burst as the nurse (coincidentally named Lindsay, too)tried to get me hooked up. I have some lovely instant bruising which surprised her. So, basically, I was just a mess. Yay for me...
Felt so much better this morning. Sleeping in probably helped since I took today off. But I was starting to feel dizzy again before dinner but I'm feeling better now that I've eaten. My Mom suggested it might be Anemia. Something wrong with my iron makes sense for a lot of reasons and also could be fairly simple to fix.
But I just need to know what's wrong with me. This is the second time with these symptoms and it's really freaking me out. I really don't want to do the hospital thing again. To that effect, I have a doctor's appointment with my GP in hopes to figure this out. I'm planning to go to work tomorrow as long as I keep feeling better.
So we'll see...
Ah, never a dull moment with me, eh?
First off, Calgary was great. Couldn't for the life of us find a car-rental company that had a car available for rent but we really enjoyed ourselves.So instead of going to Banff and Lake Louise like planned, we just hung around Calgary. Spent 6 great and very hot and sunny hours at the Calgary Zoo on Saturday and spent a couple of hours at Fish Creek Provincial Park on Sunday. I basically had a fabulous time, got some great photography and soaked up the sun (perhaps a little more than I should have-I'm about 3 shades darker than I was the weekend before).
Things seem to be going somewhere with our house. Our landlord has brought a second contractor to look at our place because it seems the first one can't do it soon enough. That seems like good progress to me. At least he's concerned with getting it done soon.
But the best part of this week so far has to be hands down my visit to the emergency room at St.Paul's Hospital. Late yesterday morning I started getting really dizzy and my vision went all spotty, just like when I had the stomach flu. But despite my stomach feeling a little nauseous, I didn't have any normal flu symptoms. After getting a hold of Ryan, I had a co-worker drive me to the hospital. My body felt like a dead weight and my feet and hands were all tingle and cold as if I had no circulation. Not to mention that I couldn't walk in a straight line.
I waited about 10 minutes to see the triage nurse who then took my vitals while we waited for them to admit me. At this point I'm sitting in a chair right in the middle of where all the paramedics are coming and going. It was so busy that they couldn't get me a bed and I spent the rest of the five hour visit on a gurney in the hallway next to Emerg. Admitting. They ran a battery of tests including bloodwork and an ECG (very interesting experience I must say). The nurses were great considering the circumstances. They did their best to give me some privacy as the hooked me up to the ECG machine (I had all the patches on my body- very sticky and difficult to remove. After ruling out something wrong with my brain, the doctor treating me (who had the best bedside manners of most doctors I've ever met) got me started on an IV right away in hopes that hydrating me would help. They also added Gravol which knocked me out pretty quickly.
Oh and some other fun... I learned I have IV veins in my left arm. 2 Burst as the nurse (coincidentally named Lindsay, too)tried to get me hooked up. I have some lovely instant bruising which surprised her. So, basically, I was just a mess. Yay for me...
Felt so much better this morning. Sleeping in probably helped since I took today off. But I was starting to feel dizzy again before dinner but I'm feeling better now that I've eaten. My Mom suggested it might be Anemia. Something wrong with my iron makes sense for a lot of reasons and also could be fairly simple to fix.
But I just need to know what's wrong with me. This is the second time with these symptoms and it's really freaking me out. I really don't want to do the hospital thing again. To that effect, I have a doctor's appointment with my GP in hopes to figure this out. I'm planning to go to work tomorrow as long as I keep feeling better.
So we'll see...
Ah, never a dull moment with me, eh?
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Gotta love vacation!!!!
Well, I am here in sunny (well, cloudy at the moment) and warm Calgary, Alberta. I'm staying with one of my oldest friends and we're having a great time. A little dissapointed that we couldn't find a single car rental company that had a car available, but we've figured out alternative plans. We were supposed to go to Banff and Lake Louise so I could do some photography there but since we can't, my friend is taking me to the Calgary Zoo and a place called Fish Creek which she says is a lot like Banff (without the mountains). So I'd better go, breakfast is calling me.
Later...
Later...
Sunday, May 14, 2006
My stairs tried to eat me!
I'm not sure what it is about me that makes it that way, but I am guaranteed to live a constantly melodramatic life. I seem to attract bizarre circumstances. In a way, it's like living in the middle of some twisted soap opera. But that being said, my life is never dull and I wouldn't change a thing.
DAY 13: I have now been living in my new place for almost two weeks. I have decided to lovingly give it a nickname... "My death trap". See, one of the steps on the outside stairs gave way underneath me and one leg fell all the way through. I was so lucky that only half the step broke, because otherwise I would have fallen about 15 feet all the while bouncing off of various hard objects... paints an interesting image, doesn't it?
But as a friend reminded me, staying positive is the only way to make the situation work. Hence the lovely nickname. It's really the only way I can laugh at the situation, because otherwise, I'd cry.
So just one more thing for my landlord to fix...
On a happy note, I am planning to go back to school to be an art therapist. I think I'll first take some night classes while I'm able, so I can still work full time. Later I'll get a part-time job and take 3 classes. I'm going to start at Langara College first (which is very handy as it is so close to home) and then I'll transfer to UBC. I am so excited about this. And Ryan is being extremely supportive.
Now we just have to make the logistics work...
Oooo, and I think our first piece of furniture is finished being put together. Ryan kindly put together our dresser so we can unpack some of clothes, seeing as we are still living in boxes...
Ah, the joys...
:)
DAY 13: I have now been living in my new place for almost two weeks. I have decided to lovingly give it a nickname... "My death trap". See, one of the steps on the outside stairs gave way underneath me and one leg fell all the way through. I was so lucky that only half the step broke, because otherwise I would have fallen about 15 feet all the while bouncing off of various hard objects... paints an interesting image, doesn't it?
But as a friend reminded me, staying positive is the only way to make the situation work. Hence the lovely nickname. It's really the only way I can laugh at the situation, because otherwise, I'd cry.
So just one more thing for my landlord to fix...
On a happy note, I am planning to go back to school to be an art therapist. I think I'll first take some night classes while I'm able, so I can still work full time. Later I'll get a part-time job and take 3 classes. I'm going to start at Langara College first (which is very handy as it is so close to home) and then I'll transfer to UBC. I am so excited about this. And Ryan is being extremely supportive.
Now we just have to make the logistics work...
Oooo, and I think our first piece of furniture is finished being put together. Ryan kindly put together our dresser so we can unpack some of clothes, seeing as we are still living in boxes...
Ah, the joys...
:)
Sunday, May 07, 2006
I don't believe this...
It is now one week since we moved in and our roof is still not fixed. The problem... it's raining... we're leaking again...
I want to scream but until the roof contractor finishes his other job, we have to wait.
Ryan and I are planning to talk to someone at the Residential Tenancy Board (which happens to be a block from my work) to find out if there is anything we can do about our situation.
For now, we're sleeping in the spare room and really can't unpack too much.
Can I cry yet?
I can't wait to go to Calgary! Only 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to scream but until the roof contractor finishes his other job, we have to wait.
Ryan and I are planning to talk to someone at the Residential Tenancy Board (which happens to be a block from my work) to find out if there is anything we can do about our situation.
For now, we're sleeping in the spare room and really can't unpack too much.
Can I cry yet?
I can't wait to go to Calgary! Only 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Bouncing back nicely...
I'm mostly feeling like my old self again. And I've got my energy back... just in time for another trip over to the Island. Had some tests done after I got back to work and they all turned out great, which is a huge relief.
These days, I am soaking up the sun every day on my way to and from work. Even the freezing cold can't wipe the smile the warm sun brings...
These days, I am soaking up the sun every day on my way to and from work. Even the freezing cold can't wipe the smile the warm sun brings...
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Never did make it to work today...
I felt pretty exhausted Thursday afternoon, so my Manager and I agreed that I should take Friday and the weekend to fully recooperate before I come back to work. Which means I will have been off work for a full week.
Having been stuck in my apartment alone for four days, this morning I decided to go for a walk and get a breath of fresh air before I went crazy. Made it home before it started raining again.
I'm feeling a lot better today. I even had a real dinner! Mmmmmm, 7 cheese veggie lasagna, garlic bread and veggie sticks! Food is sitting well with me but my stomach seems to be a little suspicious when I give it real food (ie. not toast, gingerale, plain rice/pasta or saltine crackers).
Oh, and water tastes good again...
So nice not to be the living dead any more!
Having been stuck in my apartment alone for four days, this morning I decided to go for a walk and get a breath of fresh air before I went crazy. Made it home before it started raining again.
I'm feeling a lot better today. I even had a real dinner! Mmmmmm, 7 cheese veggie lasagna, garlic bread and veggie sticks! Food is sitting well with me but my stomach seems to be a little suspicious when I give it real food (ie. not toast, gingerale, plain rice/pasta or saltine crackers).
Oh, and water tastes good again...
So nice not to be the living dead any more!
Thursday, February 02, 2006
One adventure after another...
So here I am Day 4 of being sick at home. Now I've been fighting something for about a week and I've been very careful not to pass it to anyone. That unfortunatley didn't stop me form getting it in the first place (thank you Ryan, I love you too). But what was fairly minor for him he's the one with the great immune system) turned into a full blown stomach flu. Now, had we known it was the stomach flu, we could have taken proper precautions, but since we didn't, I pretty much stuck to water, toast and eggs. Apparently water is not what you should be drinking. After 2 days of feeling like crap and slowly eating more food, I figured I'd be fine to go to work on Wednesday.
Wrong!
I has having my shower and rinsing out my conditioner when all of a sudden I'm so dizzy I feel like I'm going to black out. My eyes were all fuzzy and I couldn't see anything and my muscles felt very weak.. I tried calling for Ryan but between the shower and the bathroom fan, he couldn't hear me. So I sat in the tub, turned off the water and kept calling for Ryan. He came pretty quick and kinda half dragged/ half walked me to the bedroom, laid me on the bed, got a towel for my wet hair and covered me with a blanket. The dizziness passed within a few minutes and then I seemed okay. More than a little freaked out but okay. I had some toast (at that point Ryan figured it was a combo of the heat of the shower and not eating a lot in the last couple of days) and then convinced him to take me to the clinic on Davie Street.
Made it to the clinic fine; it was bright and beautiful yesterday morning. However, I have another dizzy spell while waiting for the doctor, although not as bad. After 45 minutes, saw the doctor who told us it was the beginning (read: not the end)of the stomach flu, gave me a list of good and bad foods and told me to drink as much ginger ale or Gatorade (yuck) as I could. She said the problem with the dizziness and near-fainting was that my electrolyte levels were extremely low. Water wouldn't cut it. She told me to drink 2 litres of ginger ale if I could yesterday to help my body replace what it lost due to being physically ill earlier in the week and other stuff you probably don't want to know about. What's amazing was that I almost managed it. And to my surprise, didn't have to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes. Cool, huh? Well maybe not to you, but to me it was nice not to have to get up from my cozy blankets on the couch too often.
My body started doing better almost immediately after getting home... although I almost didn't make it home from the clinic. I had one last dizzy spell that was so bad I had to sit down on the sidewalk on Davie and wait for it to pass, meanwhile I was so thirsty I had Ryan feed me gingerale out of the bottle right there on the sidewalk. Now that I've made it to today and I feel loads better, I can laugh at that, but in that moment, I was more freaked out than I've ever been.
Well, now that that drama is over, I'm feeling much better. Just going to relax and putter in the apartment today. I'm hoping to go back to work tomorrow so I can not worry about all the things that haven't been done and really need to be done this week. I'm really hoping it's nice this weekend so I can enjoy some fresh air... that would be novel.
Oh, and in case anyone is interested... as of Wednesday morning, Vancouver was 14mm away from finally breaking the rain record... and it rained all evening and night... so there!
Wrong!
I has having my shower and rinsing out my conditioner when all of a sudden I'm so dizzy I feel like I'm going to black out. My eyes were all fuzzy and I couldn't see anything and my muscles felt very weak.. I tried calling for Ryan but between the shower and the bathroom fan, he couldn't hear me. So I sat in the tub, turned off the water and kept calling for Ryan. He came pretty quick and kinda half dragged/ half walked me to the bedroom, laid me on the bed, got a towel for my wet hair and covered me with a blanket. The dizziness passed within a few minutes and then I seemed okay. More than a little freaked out but okay. I had some toast (at that point Ryan figured it was a combo of the heat of the shower and not eating a lot in the last couple of days) and then convinced him to take me to the clinic on Davie Street.
Made it to the clinic fine; it was bright and beautiful yesterday morning. However, I have another dizzy spell while waiting for the doctor, although not as bad. After 45 minutes, saw the doctor who told us it was the beginning (read: not the end)of the stomach flu, gave me a list of good and bad foods and told me to drink as much ginger ale or Gatorade (yuck) as I could. She said the problem with the dizziness and near-fainting was that my electrolyte levels were extremely low. Water wouldn't cut it. She told me to drink 2 litres of ginger ale if I could yesterday to help my body replace what it lost due to being physically ill earlier in the week and other stuff you probably don't want to know about. What's amazing was that I almost managed it. And to my surprise, didn't have to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes. Cool, huh? Well maybe not to you, but to me it was nice not to have to get up from my cozy blankets on the couch too often.
My body started doing better almost immediately after getting home... although I almost didn't make it home from the clinic. I had one last dizzy spell that was so bad I had to sit down on the sidewalk on Davie and wait for it to pass, meanwhile I was so thirsty I had Ryan feed me gingerale out of the bottle right there on the sidewalk. Now that I've made it to today and I feel loads better, I can laugh at that, but in that moment, I was more freaked out than I've ever been.
Well, now that that drama is over, I'm feeling much better. Just going to relax and putter in the apartment today. I'm hoping to go back to work tomorrow so I can not worry about all the things that haven't been done and really need to be done this week. I'm really hoping it's nice this weekend so I can enjoy some fresh air... that would be novel.
Oh, and in case anyone is interested... as of Wednesday morning, Vancouver was 14mm away from finally breaking the rain record... and it rained all evening and night... so there!
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Random thoughts...
Often a new year brings resolutions... things people commit themselves(however seriously) to doing or being. A resolution can be very beneficial. Beneficial, that is, if you possess a great deal of will power and the ability to follow through with everything you set your mind to. I suppose this is why I make lots of plans but am not always disappointed when they don't pan out. Life has taught me again and again that although I may in control of my choices, I am not in control of the outcomes. It doesn't mean that I don't get hung up on planning things. I seem to put a great deal of time and energy in figuring out the logistics of how things will work. In hindsight I often find out that I could have not planned anything and things would still have worked themselves out. So I guess I'm asking myself whether or not I'm wasting my time.
After a little pondering I've concluded (and you would probably too) that I'd likely go nuts if I didn't plan something, anything. It's in my nature to want a say in how things may go, even if that's not the reality. I don't put all my hopes on those plans either. At least not anymore. Years of things blowing up in your face all the time teaches you not to hold on too tightly to the little things; they fall through your fingers so easily.
So, you're probably asking what the hell I'm on that's making my mind go in this direction. Honestly? Nothing. Maybe that's just the problem. I feel a little restless and lost at the moment. There are things I can work on and new things I could pursue, but I just can't seem to get anything going. I guess I'm not sure where my motivation has gone. And I know I can't blame it on the rainy gross weather. Believe it or not, I haven't had to worry about being affected by SAD this year.
I guess now that I thing about it, I can trace these weird random thoughts and feelings back to a couple of conversations i had with someone I'm close with. I've known this person long enough to know when somethings wrong but they won't tell me about it. I haven't come out and asked about it sensing that I might not be a topic for the phone. So, I wrote a letter. Now I've left it in their hands to let me in or not. But what do I do if they decide they can't let me in? I'm worried about them. It distresses me to know someone is really upset but holding it all in. And whatever it is, its serious. You know I sometimes have intuitive perceptions about things? Well, this is just another example. I've known since the first conversation after Christmas that things were not alright. I even have a suspicion about wat it may be. But I can't voice that suspicion for fear of making it come true. If it is what I think it is, I'm not sure I can deal with it.
Am I just over thinking things like normal or do I have a genuine reason to be concerned? A friend called me one night to give me a head's up that I should call this person,because they're weren't doing okay. But if the person won't tell me, what the hell do I do? Bide my time and be there, I guess. Like I always do.
Life is so crazy sometimes. It's amazing to me that I've gotten this far. I know I will carry on as always, and so will everyone else.
For now... to use Mine and Claire's new motto for the year... TO Hell With It!
After a little pondering I've concluded (and you would probably too) that I'd likely go nuts if I didn't plan something, anything. It's in my nature to want a say in how things may go, even if that's not the reality. I don't put all my hopes on those plans either. At least not anymore. Years of things blowing up in your face all the time teaches you not to hold on too tightly to the little things; they fall through your fingers so easily.
So, you're probably asking what the hell I'm on that's making my mind go in this direction. Honestly? Nothing. Maybe that's just the problem. I feel a little restless and lost at the moment. There are things I can work on and new things I could pursue, but I just can't seem to get anything going. I guess I'm not sure where my motivation has gone. And I know I can't blame it on the rainy gross weather. Believe it or not, I haven't had to worry about being affected by SAD this year.
I guess now that I thing about it, I can trace these weird random thoughts and feelings back to a couple of conversations i had with someone I'm close with. I've known this person long enough to know when somethings wrong but they won't tell me about it. I haven't come out and asked about it sensing that I might not be a topic for the phone. So, I wrote a letter. Now I've left it in their hands to let me in or not. But what do I do if they decide they can't let me in? I'm worried about them. It distresses me to know someone is really upset but holding it all in. And whatever it is, its serious. You know I sometimes have intuitive perceptions about things? Well, this is just another example. I've known since the first conversation after Christmas that things were not alright. I even have a suspicion about wat it may be. But I can't voice that suspicion for fear of making it come true. If it is what I think it is, I'm not sure I can deal with it.
Am I just over thinking things like normal or do I have a genuine reason to be concerned? A friend called me one night to give me a head's up that I should call this person,because they're weren't doing okay. But if the person won't tell me, what the hell do I do? Bide my time and be there, I guess. Like I always do.
Life is so crazy sometimes. It's amazing to me that I've gotten this far. I know I will carry on as always, and so will everyone else.
For now... to use Mine and Claire's new motto for the year... TO Hell With It!
Friday, January 13, 2006
Thanks Claire for leading me to this site...
| In a Past Life... |
 Where You Lived: China. How You Died: Decapitation. |
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Wednesday, January 04, 2006
It's a new year...
where the heck did the last one go? It's all a blur to me.
So much has happened since my last post that it would be pointless to try and go through it all. But Christmas was great. Spent it in Victoria with my family and then went to Kelowna to spend New Year's with Ryan's family.
Here are some holiday highlights: (I'll post pics as soon as I get them developed)
-Boxing Day: the best ever "Stairgang" get-together at Buchart Gardens. This has to be one of my favorite holiday traditions. This year was even better than before... I'd chalk it up to cozy cocktails by a fire and skating on an outdoor ice rink. How cool is that?!!!!!
-Cross-country skiing: Ryan, his parents and I went up to the Nordic trails a little past Big White and I had my first cross-country lesson. I picked it up pretty quick but took a tumble in spectacular fashion when I hit a root in the tracks, wobbled, lost my balance and slid down a hill (which I didn't know how to deal with) on my back. The fun part? I was wearing jeans.. stupid, stupid, stupid. Suffice to say I was a little wet by the end of it having fallen a few times (twice on my left knee- earned a few bruises for those ones). But it was a lot of fun and I enjoyed myself. I also had a moment of peacefulness when we had stopped for a moment. It was amazing, so incredibly quiet excet for a slight whisper from the wind. Also took some photos... hope they turn out.
The biggest news of all: Actually, this was before Christmas (December 1st to be exact), and pretty much everyone knows already, but it is still exciting... I'm getting married. We've been talking about the things we would like for the wedding and we've figured out our budget for the most part. In a little while we'll actually start to plan. But it's Bridal season right now and we're going to our first Bridal show this coming weekend (Ryan actually wanted to go, cool eh?). Should be fun.
_______
Tomorrow I go back to work since being off for 10 days. Today was nice. I ran some errands, did laundry and just relaxed at home. We also took down all our Christmas stuff. Our apartment seems so much bigger now.
Oh! and we got some exciting news... we have new neighbors!!! The jerk next door moved out!!! And in his place is a coupl who doesn't smoke! Yes!!!!!!!!!!!! My lungs are very grateful right now because they haven't been great as of late.
Well, time to go. Ryan and are going to watch some TV ... yes, I realize I don't have cable (or a VCR to watch Claire's tapes) but we got the 1st season of Star Trek: DS9 on DVD and are quite enjoying oursleves.
Looking forward to going back to work except for one thing... waking up at 6:15am. *sigh*
So much has happened since my last post that it would be pointless to try and go through it all. But Christmas was great. Spent it in Victoria with my family and then went to Kelowna to spend New Year's with Ryan's family.
Here are some holiday highlights: (I'll post pics as soon as I get them developed)
-Boxing Day: the best ever "Stairgang" get-together at Buchart Gardens. This has to be one of my favorite holiday traditions. This year was even better than before... I'd chalk it up to cozy cocktails by a fire and skating on an outdoor ice rink. How cool is that?!!!!!
-Cross-country skiing: Ryan, his parents and I went up to the Nordic trails a little past Big White and I had my first cross-country lesson. I picked it up pretty quick but took a tumble in spectacular fashion when I hit a root in the tracks, wobbled, lost my balance and slid down a hill (which I didn't know how to deal with) on my back. The fun part? I was wearing jeans.. stupid, stupid, stupid. Suffice to say I was a little wet by the end of it having fallen a few times (twice on my left knee- earned a few bruises for those ones). But it was a lot of fun and I enjoyed myself. I also had a moment of peacefulness when we had stopped for a moment. It was amazing, so incredibly quiet excet for a slight whisper from the wind. Also took some photos... hope they turn out.
The biggest news of all: Actually, this was before Christmas (December 1st to be exact), and pretty much everyone knows already, but it is still exciting... I'm getting married. We've been talking about the things we would like for the wedding and we've figured out our budget for the most part. In a little while we'll actually start to plan. But it's Bridal season right now and we're going to our first Bridal show this coming weekend (Ryan actually wanted to go, cool eh?). Should be fun.
_______
Tomorrow I go back to work since being off for 10 days. Today was nice. I ran some errands, did laundry and just relaxed at home. We also took down all our Christmas stuff. Our apartment seems so much bigger now.
Oh! and we got some exciting news... we have new neighbors!!! The jerk next door moved out!!! And in his place is a coupl who doesn't smoke! Yes!!!!!!!!!!!! My lungs are very grateful right now because they haven't been great as of late.
Well, time to go. Ryan and are going to watch some TV ... yes, I realize I don't have cable (or a VCR to watch Claire's tapes) but we got the 1st season of Star Trek: DS9 on DVD and are quite enjoying oursleves.
Looking forward to going back to work except for one thing... waking up at 6:15am. *sigh*
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