In a way I saw it coming but I missed the point where I hit the bottom. Now I'm sitting there wondering what the hell to do. I'm seeing my Dr this week for Bean's 2 month checkup and vaccinations. I also need to get my seasonal flu vaccine having already gotten the H1.N1 shot.
And having had depression before, I know he'll agree that I have PPD- Post-Partum Depression. I found the Edinburgh Post-Natal Depression Scale. It's out of 30. Anything over 10 is likely depression of some degree. I scored 20.
Well, there you go. I kinda figured.
We'll see what my GP has to say about it. I really don't want to go on medication unless I absolutely have to. I stocked up on vitamins. Hoping keeping my immune system healthy will help my fibro. I've felt painful aches in my hands and wrists and my left knee- usually when I'm really tired... which is often. The early morning feed is usually okay but it's been difficult these last couple of days.
Last night was particularly bad. She had been fussy all evening and was taking forever to finish her bottle. I'd take it away thinking she was done but then she'd get all upset. I woke up at 2am. I was still feeding her at 3:30 when someone knocked on our door. I thought it was next door but then it got louder. I went to the door, baby in my arms, and the person tried opening it. It was locked of course. Freaked out I asked who it was. A guy in a red coat said "Gunner". *Note: Who calls himself "Gunner"? Really?* I said I didn't know who he was. He said " of course you do". I said that I didn't know who the hell he was and that I didn't ring him up- that he had the wrong apartment. I went to go get R to deal with it and by the time we got back to the door "Gunner" was gone.
I went back to the couch to continue feeding my daughter. I started shaking. R sat with me until I was better and then went back to bed. The next feeding was his.
Tomorrow I'll be talking to our rental office to let them know what happened. Had I had our security number handy (the company has changed a couple times since we moved in), I would have called last night. I also lock my door at all times. I hate being paranoid but I have a baby to think about.
So I'm locked in my apartment and emotionally not quite stable. There's a good combo.
Lucky for me, the weather has been sunny and dry this last week and for the new few (I think). That means I can get out for walks. Fresh air and exercise helps.
All is not lost. I may have PPD but at least I know it. That means I can do something about it. Just need to have a place to start...