Yesterday was another interesting day.
For starters, I had one of my crazy blurred vision, near blackout moments. I had this a couple of times before being diagnosed with fibro. It scared the shit out of me then and yesterday was worse because Bean was awake and eating. I kept worrying about passing out with Bean there with me. I desperately wanted her to go to sleep so I didn't have to worry about her. I ate breakfast right away so that blood sugar wouldn't play a part in it (it's not what causes these moments, so no comments about my not eating right away in the morning).
Then my Mom called. Moms have great timing sometimes, don't they?
We talked and she suggested putting Bean in her little chair beside the couch so I could lie down and rest and see if that helped. So I did and yes, I started feeling a little better.
But the event left me drained, so I decided I should keep thing low-key. I had made a list earlier of all that I had to do and was a little sad that I wouldn't get any of it done. But, I really started feeling a lot better by Noon and by the afternoon I had a surge of energy, which I took advantage of.
So I did it- finally: I called the Post-Partum Society.
The nurse who gave me the pamphlet warned me that I may have to leave a messsage. I'm glad she warned me because if I had just gotten the voicemail for the support line, I might have just hung up right there and then. But I didn't and I did leave a message.
Around dinner time, just before R got home, they called me back. A lovely woman, whose name never did register in my brain, walked me through the intake and listened to my story and where I was at. She was wonderful. All of the support line volunteers are Moms who have been through Post-Partum Depression/ Anxiety. They've been there and they know how hard it is. She said she would mail out some info for myself and R and follow-up with me next week to see if 1) I got it and 2) I had any questions and where to go next.
I have no illusion that they can magically fix my issues- that's not what they are they for. But they have a support line I can call and in-person support groups. I'm not sure what I'm going to do but in the meantime, while I wait for my appointment with the hospital to come around, at least I know I have options and resources available to me.
It's funny, I'm still in limbo and I'm still not in the best place, but I think I'd rather go with things not moving at all, because perhaps that might mean that things won't get worse. Crazy? Maybe. In any case, I have options and when your world seems to be collapsing around you, options are like a few good pillars that are going to hold the ceiling up.