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Sunday, January 10, 2010

Holding the Pieces

I was bitchy (as I pretty much am ALL the time). I said things. He got angry and sulked.

We talked. I cried. We're better now.

I hate being like this. Depression affects not only the person it's tormenting but also the people around them. Is it any wonder I have to force myself to be social? I don't want to inflict this on anyone. But then I remember that the people who care about me are strong and can take it. Because they care.

Time for a shower and groceries. And then we're going to a park for a walk with our baby. This time, I told R to make sure I bring my camera (we'll see how that goes).

I know I'm supposed to give it time but 10 days in and I really think the Lyrica is not enough. I can handle the fibro without it. I can't handle the depression even when on it- that's not what it's for.

A few more days, that's all I think I can spare of what little sanity I have. Then we need to take more action. Somehow, that's a comforting thought.


Dave said...

It has taken a lot of strength for the two of you to get this far in life... you will both make it through this.

Just keep on hanging in there. I am being very crafty and working on a gift for the little one.

I know, me being crafty, eh?

Quiet Dreams said...

Depression DOES suck...for everyone. Thinking of you and hope you can remember (at least PART of the time), that this will not be forever.

areyoukiddingme said...

If you need more than the Lyrica, seek it out. Pretty soon, you'll be in a groove with the baby, and that worry will decrease. And then she'll start teething and it will start all over. The first year is very hard. It's also very fun, but it's very hard. So, just be aware that it will get easier, and it will get harder, and you need to take care of yourself so you're able to handle the hard, and enjoy the easy. Good luck.

MrsSpock said...

If you need more, you need more. Lyrica really hasn't been studied for depression. Prozac, Cymbalta, and amitriptyline are all also indicated for fibro, and it may be worth asking to add one of those to your Lyrica regimen.

Kristin said...

Mrs. Spock knows what she is talking about.

I am glad the thought of action makes you feel a bit better.

Kristin said...

Mrs. Spock knows what she is talking about.

I am glad the thought of action makes you feel a bit better.

JamieD said...

I am glad the Lyrica is helping the fibro, but you are right - that is only part of it. I hope your doc can recommend something to help with the other part of your struggle.

Your picture is beautiful! I love the view from the tree branches, slightly out of focus. Does it help to get out of the house for a bit?

Steggie said...

If you haven't already look at getting some different meds like Mrs. Spock mentioned. I suffered 6 months and once i got what i really needed we stopped talking about divorce - yes that's how bad the ppd got!

What an amazing difference one little pill made - when the "blues" were gone the sun shone and the world looked a whole lot brighter!

IF Optimist, then... said...

Just sending a message of love and peace your way. Hoping you get the right balance of meds to help you get to a better place that feels like YOU.