... You Know You're a Sleep Deprived Mother of a Newborn:
10. You don't remember the day or the date.
9. You've worn the same pants 3 or 4 days this week because you still don't fit into anything else and are too tired to do laundry yet again.
8. The 3/4 am feed doesn't seem so odd any more.
7. You are able to fall asleep wihtin minutes of hitting the pillow (where it took you 3o minutes before).
6. The bed is never made until moments before you crawl into it and even then it's a half-hearted attempt. All you really need is covers for warmth.
5. You can change a diaper or give the baby a bottle without turning lights on. Lights would only wake you up completely.
4. A shirt is considered "clean" if the spit-up marks aren't too obvious.
3. Caffeine no longer wakes you up.
2. You've just blanked out for the thousandth time in a 24 hour period.
1. And my favourite... You go to reheat your cup of coffee in the microwave only to find cup in there from 2 or 3 days including a nice pool of old milk. Yum!
Truly though, as funny as all that is (I have a good sense of humour about it), I am loving this new journey. That being said, I am now actually enjoying my little girl. I decided on Friday to finally give up breastfeeding and just do formula. I would love to say that it was a difficult decision, but it wasn't. Bittersweet maybe but definitely not difficult. There have been too many tears, too much pain and too much guilt. Well enough was enough. I had come too close to the edge of post-partum depression. Much longer and I could have easily fallen into a pit. How horrible would that have been? But how simple the solution.
We're all much happier now. And I actually enjoy feeding her. There's just as much bonding- more so since there's no stress anymore. I can gaze into her eyes when she's working on her bottle. We connect. And that my friends is the priceless moment I've been waiting for.
So as we approach the end of our first month, we've figured out a few things and are still learning other things. But this I do know, no matter what, it is so worth it. More than I ever knew.
Now only if my milk will dry up and go away. The leaking is more than a little annoying...