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Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Lessons: Part 2

I started this post on Friday. It's occurred to me that I really need to write in short snippets if I ever want to complete a darn post. So this is a collection of snippets...

Friday, October 31st, 2009:
I am perfecting the "new mommy one-handed type" as Bean sleeps curled up on my chest, head resting on my collarbone.

I am so glad I waited till today to write this post. Yesterday was one of a few bad "baby blues" days. I was irritable, emotional, exhausted beyond belief and feeling on the edge of my ability to cope. But I am so much better today. Still tired but at least I'm functioning and coping with her cluster feeding. Saw her pediatrician this morning. She was not impressed because the timing meant that we were an hour and a half late for her feeding. She was hungry and let everybody know it! (She's found her "voice" in the last couple of days)

The good news is that she has finally reached her birth weight. Which means we don't have to wake her up to feed and can wiat for her to let us know when she's hungry. This exhausted Mom was ever so happy to hear that!

And so, in this content state I will continue where I left off about lessons. In this case, these are lessons I learning right now:

Lessons Being Learned:

-Breastfeeding is far more difficult than I ever imagined! After going to a breastfeeding class as part of my prenatal series, I knew things may not be easy but I never anticipated the tears and frustration. Here's this tiny creature who when's she's feeding well fills me with love and contentment; but so quickly things can go downhill and I can be so upset with her. Which of course doesn't help my supply and we continue in a vicious cycle until something breaks it. But I'm determined to make it work! I want her to have the best I can give her. Formula doesn't cut it in my opinion but I've resigned myself to the fact that it's necessary to supplement in order to keep her growing. But I have an appt on Monday with the Lactation Consultants at the hospital where I delivered. Crossing my fingers we can fix some of the problems.

Mon Update: Lactation Consultant discovered that no matter how long she feeds on each side, she gets everything she's going to in the first 10 minutes- which, when it takes 15 minutes to get to the good fatty stuff, it's no wonder we have to supplement. We're working on things still and are going back next week to see where we're at.

-Your best is really good enough. It's so hard as a Mother not to blame yourself when things aren't going well. You have a bad day and are exhausted from lack of sleep. All these negative thoughts go through your head and you think you're doing things wrong when in fact, you're just like every other mother of a newborn who's just trying to figure it all out. In fact, gee, I think we might be human like everyone else. I think I need to dash all dreams of the "Supermom" status. No cape for me. I'd settle for a baby who is happy and knows she's loved. As R tells her, it's our job to give her everything she needs to grow and it's her job to grow. Simple or what?

More later. As I said, we're doing things in bits despite my having lots to say.


Melis.sa said...

i'd definitely say the first 6-8 weeks are the hardest, but once you pass that everything sort of settles down a little. I hope the BF gets better for you :)

areyoukiddingme said...

Formula is not evil, and you are getting her the important stuff whenever she nurses - that's an important thing to keep in mind. It takes a while to get into your groove, and start feeling capable, even though you already are doing a great job. Keep up the good work!

Quiet Dreams said...

Good luck with the breastfeeding. It can be so challenging for a lot of women/babies.

I loved reading this...hope that you can remember what you said--your best is really good enough. Bean will know she's loved--no doubt.

Another Dreamer said...

Sorry for the difficulties with breast feeding, hope that things work out. Glad she's caught up on her weight though, that's awesome.

JamieD said...

I'm proud of you for posting in bits. As much as I loved being one-handed, I was really never very efficient at it.

I'm sorry you are having difficulties breast feeding. But the others above are right - formula is not evil. You should be patting yourself on the back for barreling ahead with breastfeeding and only supplementing wiht formula. You are a great Mom! And I know Bean would agree.