Sometimes you just need a pick me up...

... so I got my hair done while I could. I call it "sun-dried tomatoes". :) Oh, and this is 37 Weeks. I'm term and hoping to make it a couple of more weeks (fingers crossed), so my Dad can make it home in time. She is however "engaged. Woke up this morning, and yes, I could tell! Ouch! not sure if this means anything since she could stay that way till my due date. Hmmm, a question for my OB.

Had my appt on Mon. Blood work came back. Everything was normal except my uric acid was a little above normal. Between that and the blood pressure, we're keeping close tabs on things to make sure it doesn't turn into pre-eclampsia. Trying to just go with things and stay clam and relaxed. If things get significantly worse, there'll be talk of induction but I'm hoping it won't go that way.

Meanwhile, I'm actually getting things done around the apartment. It's helping keep me focused right now. The more I accomplish, the more I want to keep going. :)

2 Years and Counting

2 Years ago I married my best friend and soul mate. When I think of everything we've been through in those two years alone, I know without a doubt that we have something that endures. November will be 6 years since we met and if you include what has happened since then, well, I think you'd agree that we've got what it takes to make it through pretty much anything. Afterall, we've faced chronic illness and loss together. It's given us a reserve of strength that we can call on whenever we need it.

So today I raise a glass (it's regular orange juice this morning) to my Love. Here's to another year and many, many more to come.

36 Weeks

So with 4 weeks (give or take) to go, I'm trying to get everything together. One thing on the list was to buy a small digital camera. I'm a SLR girl. I like my big honking camera. I can feel the weight of it, feel the steadiness of it. These little tiny cameras usually annoy me.

But... I wasn't about to bring my big camera into the delivery room or throw it in my diaper bag, so I gave in and decided to buy one of the new pretty things.

I went in to a local drug store that has an awesome photography department and had a great chat with the sales clerk. He was awesome. He totally understood what I was looking for and my comfort with my old camera (he's a Pen.tax fan too). In the end I got a Ni.kon Cool.pix in an amethyst purple colour. It's a fun little camera with video to boot!

Now if I can only figure out how to take steady pictures up close. Farther away seems fine but when I zoom in, it starts to blur. Guess I'll just have to play over the next weeks.

Anyway, had my weekly OB appointment today. Everything went well except that my blood pressure is a little high. Nothing crazy but since it was a little over last week as well, she sent me for blood work to rule out early pre-eclampsia. I see her on Monday again, so I'll find out then. She's pretty confident that it'll be negative but she'd rather be safe than sorry. I love her. Have I mentioned that?

My hip/muscle pain is doing a bit better. Had a massage on Tuesday. It was painful. Anyone who has seen an RMT for real treatment knows that this kind of massage isn't the peaceful massage you get at a spa. I feel bruised. But I also know he did real work in there. A previous RMT equated this kind of massage with weight lifting at the gym. I go back on Tuesday for another one. I can walk a bit again now. Maybe by next week I will actually be able to go for a walk with out any pain.

Okay, I've rambled enough now. Here's some pics. :)

P.S. Note I'm still wearing my rings. Trying really hard to keep them all the way through but they do get really snug some days. That's when I know to guzzle the water. Works every time.

Day One of So-Called Freedom

A day with endless possibilities. Whatever will I do? There are lists of things that need to be accomplished and yet, I feel like savouring the idea that I can choose to do it in my own time.

So this is what this is like...

No she's not here yet...

...in case my absence had you wondering.

5 weeks to go! Sorry to have been AWOL, but work has been nuts this last week and I've been having really bad pain in my left hip. Hoping to see a RMT this week and have it taken care of. Walking, sitting and sleeping has been incredibly difficult and painful.

But on happier news, I'm finally on mat leave!! I cannot tell you how happy this makes me. The only that would have made it better would be if I could have walked out yesterday and not still had things to do. I ended up emailing myself stuff that I needed to explain in emails or else I'd worry all the time or end up expecting phone calls at home (which I really don't want unless absolutely necessary). I also stayed late. So late that my friend and I were the last ones there and we had to set the alarm. My last day and I couldn't even keep it to business hours. Go figure.

Today is a beautiful warm fall day, with a touch of crispness, just the way I like it. Off to see what I'm up to doing (not much I think) and then to dinner at our friend's place.

Promise not to disappear for too long unless I'm going into labour in which case I may or may not be able to give you a head's up. :)

Enjoy your Saturday everyone.

34 Weeks!

This is from today. 34w, 1d. 6 or less weeks to go! See how I've dropped? That was Tuesday night. It hurts to walk now. Compared to most of the other women in my childbirth class, I'm feeling small even though I'm still measuring over 2 weeks ahead. Go figure!

Reflections on a Year

I was sent home from work early today. A perk when your birthday lands on a Friday. "Go, get out of here!" Okay then, don't have to ask me twice!

I was reflecting on this day on my train ride into work this morning. In fact, I was composing this blog post in my head. It was thoughtful and eloquent.

Then I got to work and well, it was nuts.

So here I am, finally taking a moment to truly reflect on where I was a year ago and where I am now. If you have no idea about last year's b-day, click HERE for a re-cap. Re-reading my entry, I sound so calm about it, even though I wrote the Sept.4th entry mere days after the fact. I sound distant, cut-off. Probably a self-defensive mechanism.

Today wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. Bittersweet for sure though. When I look back, I am surprised by how strong I am now. I have come so far and grown in so many ways. I am truly a different person than I used to be. I am more mellow. I am learning better ways of taking things in stride.

I had been through difficult times but I don't think anything could have prepared me for the back-to-back heartbreak both R and I endured this last year. Life is so fleeting and fragile. I have understood this well before from going through fibro and watching my brother battle cancer but until losing my babies I never truly comprehended how something so natural, so basic to the human race, could go so wrong. It's a reality that puts life into perspective.

But a year later, our journey has gone places I never would have dreamed. A marriage hit the rocks and bounced back stronger than ever, a wounded mother found her strength tested in the appearance once again of a second line and that same couple now is bracing themselves for the most wonderful, joyful and frightening experience they have yet to encounter thus far. It's the end of a life chapter and the beginning of so many more. Our last childbirth class last night helped us see just how emotional the birth of our little girl really will be for us. How we'll be tested. What is to come cannot be known and I am okay with that because at the end of the day, nothing is set in stone. For better or for worse, this is our path; we shall walk it together and accept whatever comes our way.

That is simply life.

Show and Tell: My B-Day Gift

So, in anticipation of my b-day on Friday, I got my b-day gift early. Last week actually. I had seen it when I was visiting my Mom the weekend before and HAD to have it. But I had to wait for money to come in.

It's my hubby's gift to me... that I bought myself. lol. I thanked him for it. He laughed. It worked for him, he didn't have to guess and he was glad I got something I wanted and needed.

I've been needing a new wallet for awhile as mine is bulky and falling apart. I wanted something easy to organize and well, was pretty. I like colour. It's buttery soft leather. Here's what I got:

Here's to things that are practical AND stylish!!!

Now pop over to Mel's and see what others are flaunting...

Early Morning Ramblings

I'm sitting here on my couch eating a small bowl of cereal. What's wrong with this picture?

It's 2:35 in the morning and I should be asleep. I woke up at 2 am for my early morning pee break and haven't been able to go back to sleep. Maybe it's the random thoughts going through my head that I can't seem to ignore. And I was hungry- like growling stomach hungry. That's what I get for eating weird all day yesterday. And when my work colleagues threw me a late afternoon shower, I wasn't up for dinner until around 8pm, at which point all I could manage was toast with peanut butter and pear butter (jelly).

Oh, and Bean woke up when I did and decided it was playtime. So I'm here instead of in bed. Go figure.

I have a list of things we need to buy before this baby comes. That will probably happen this weekend, which if course is conveniently a Long Weekend. Which means my last week at work next week will be a short one. Hopefully one involving a lot of wrap up and office cleaning. I'd like my poor replacement not to inherit the choas that is the tornado dump I've been working in lately. Well, all this year, really.

Friday is my 26th b-day. It also happens to be my Mom's b-day as well. Did you know that? I was born on my Mom's b-day. :)

It's also the day I was rushed to the hospital from massive bleeding and complications from my induced miscarriage of Kenneth last year. Days on one hand, I'd like to forget, but ones I otherwise cling to as reminders of the second life we created that couldn't stay with us.

I was talking with a friend at work a few hours before the shower. She knows all about our losses. I made a comment that still hovers around me like a shroud.

"We're parents to three children, not just one. Most people don't get that. But it's how we both feel."

Maybe it's what we cling to. Afterall, to just forget about Alex and Kenneth in the wake of our dear Bean's approaching appearance is to erase a year of joy, heartache and personal growth and learnings.

Today, I am not the woman I was before our losses. I am glad for that. It seems that fate gave me a second warning about choosing priorities in life and knowing when to declare your boundaries. It was a hard lesson the first time when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. It broke my heart the second time last year.

But the heart is mending, ever still, as it beats strong inside me beside along with my own.