Waiting

Today was a a better day. Especially compared to yesterday. The pain was such that I could barely walk or sit up. I called the Dr's office to sees if my test results were in. There were and I was asked to come in (which confirmed the result for me right there) and that I might need an ultrasound.

So I (slowly) made my way downtown and waited about ten minutes before I saw my doctor. I walked into his office and he told me that my suspicions were correct, I was pregnant (duh). And that the bleeding would indicate I was miscarrying (double duh). But what I didn't know was that my hcg ("pregnancy hormone") levels were normal. I registered at 436 which puts me at 3-4 weeks pregnant. But that was as of Tuesday and I've been miscarrying for probably a week and a half (maybe) and the levels would have been slowly dropping from their peak.

In the end, he didn't send me for the ultrasound. I don't think I could have handled it; it would have put me over the edge. My first ultrasound should only happen when I'm actually pregnant! But he figured that I was too far along in the miscarriage and not far enough in the pregnancy for anything to turn up. Whew! (I think...)

Been off work the rest of the week. Too much pain yesterday and today, while it's lessened, it's not gone. More positive today, but been a little lonely. Normally when I'm stressed or sad, a workout helps, but I'm not even allowed to do that!

My world has momentarily shattered. But I'm putting it back together, one piece and one day at a time.