While my daughter naps I can hear the sounds around me. The wall clock in the kitchen is ticking, cars outside on the street approach the intersection and usually turn right (especially handy given that it's one-way if you turn left and you'd be against any oncoming cars), and in the flat next to us, I can hear the little boy throwing a tantrum. My guess is that is is a little bit older than K, but I've only had a few quick glimpses of him, so I'm not sure.
June of last year I stopped blogging. Back in January I thought about writing again and even started a post only to not finish it. I wasn't ready. So why now? Well, aside from the simple message from one of my best friends telling me I should blog again, I feel like right now I can process this last year and a half a bit better.
Last I left you, we were getting closer to R finishing his PhD and then having to look for a job. Well, he did finish, and I have to say that at his graduation I was so very proud of him. I met him at the beginning of his Masters, so this had been a long time in the works and I was happy to see him have this moment. After finishing came the job hunt. I can imagine that this is a very common story: a job was elusive. He did an interview in September of last year but it took months to sort everything out. At first, he didn't get job.
Then came reality.
I was at home caring for the baby and he was approaching his last paycheck. With no income aside from some child benefits, we had no choice but to give up our apartment. That was really hard. Sure, we were only renting, but it was our place! We were happy there, even though I dreamed of a bigger place where K could move around more. More than just giving up our home, we did what we had to to make sure we had a roof over our heads: we moved in with the parents.
At first, it was a couple months with his parents. In that time though, the job that he didn't get, contacted him again and explained that their first choice candidate backed out and they wanted to hire him! We were ecstatic! Then reality hit a bit more since there was one tiny detail to consider: the job was in Scotland.
Now, I always prided myself on being an adventurous person. In many ways I still am, but this transition has been far more difficult than I ever imagined.
After a crazy time around Christmas last year gathering all his visa stuff together, R left for the UK at the end of January. Due to a technicality with our finances, I had to wait three months before I could apply for mine and K's visas. He went ahead without us. I moved to my parent's place for a time, and then back to my in-law's. Living with family was both wonderful and very hard and I'll talk about that more another time. Suffice to say, in May, K and I finally arrived in our new home. I was terrified. In fact, I was so nervous the night before I left Canada that I was literally sick to my stomach. It wasn't until the drive to the airport that I finally started to calm down. I realize now that maybe I should have been medicated. Oh well, I survived.
But here I am, 6 months into this crazy new life in a truly beautiful city, Glasgow, and I'm feeling very reflective. Our future after next year is still in limbo but we're starting to get information; there are plans in the works, if no final confirmation.
K turned two last month. I joke with other moms of toddlers that I meet at the play group I go to that I don't remember those first months. That is a lie. I remember them perfectly well. Some of the details may be hazy at points but I very clearly remember the dark slide into depression.
But here, it feels like the physical distance is also a temporal distance; as if the farther away I am in the world from the places where I went through so much, the farther away it seems in my mind. Maybe that's just the passage of time, I'm not sure. All I know is, this is no easier, and it's certainly not the glamourous life people seem to be envisioning. What is also true is that no matter the difficulties, I have my health, a healthy child and a happy and healthy husband. We have food on the table and a roof over our heads.
We are happy. We are lucky.