This blog is no longer being updated, but if you like what you see here, be sure to join me over at Life Pared Down!

Thursday, July 01, 2010

All Good Things...

I've sat down to write this post about a dozen times and each time, I write a few words and then sign out. I kept flip-floping; yes I'm going to, no I'm not, yes I am, no I'm not. But since these words are being written, you can see that I finally came to a decision.

After five years of writing, or reflecting and processing, I am moving on from this blog. Some may say, well, you haven't posted in two months, isn't that pretty much the same? No. Not for me. I need closure, to walk away and say I'm ready to start something new.

(Dammit! I can barely type, I'm teary already)

When I first began this blog, it was simply an exchange of ideas for my friends. When I had my miscarriages it became my solace, my well of grief and my strength. Shortly after the second miscarriage I found the ALI community. I don't think I can adequately express what everyone has done for me. You shone a light on the dark days and rejoiced in the bright ones. I've made many friends as a result and although I haven't kept up recently, you are all often in my thoughts.

Things are such in my life that I fid myself not wanted to blog anymore. I'm writing lots but not here. And I've decided that it's okay. I will no longer make myself feel guilty for it. But before I take my leave of you, I want to tell where I am at these days.

I am happy. That is probably the most important thing for you to know. I still have post-partum depression and have periods of hibernation, but they don't hinder my life as much as they used to. I'm still seeing my psychiatrist occasionally and she is still as wonderful as the day I met her. I'll be on my meds until the New Year and if I'm truly doing well, I can wean off them.

R handed in his PhD dissertation earlier this month and on July 21st will have his defence. So by August 1st, my darling husband will be a Doctor of Philosophy, Sciences (Physics). From there we will (fingers crossed) get a job and we will either be staying here in Vancouver or moving wherever he finds work.

In limbo can be a stressful place to be, but I'm doing the best I can to keep it in check and enjoy each and every day with Bean. She is more wonderful than I ever could have imagined. I always knew I was meant to be a mother, and it has been comfirmed over and over again. She makes me smile and laugh, and at times cry in frustration, but I wouldn't change a single moment of it. Well, I suppose I'd like to go back and enjoy those first months, but they are what they are and I am just glad I made it through and can now be there for my daughter.

In recent days, the full effect of what it means to be a "family" has hit me. My relationship with R is doing better than it has throughout all of the chaos of the last two years and there are moments when we hug each other while holding Bean, that I feel like my heart might explode form happiness.

I've been through many things in my life, and will go through many more, but that is what this journey is about. The Steadfast Warrior shall keep in going. Some of you are friends with me on facebook, some have my email. If you are interested in keeping in touch, email me.

Thank you for lending me your eyes, and you hearts. You are more wonderful than I can express. I shall leave you with one last Photo of the Day. This is Bean in all her 8.5 Month glory. She's going to be walking soon (Fates help us) and keeps me on my toes...


Melis.sa said...

She's adorable.

I wish you well my friend. I'll miss your posts but I understand that blogging comes and goes and that some chapters need to end.

Mrs. Gamgee said...

Bean is adorable!

I know that there are seasons to everything in life, and perhaps your blogging season has passed. But I want you to know that your voice will be missed. Thank you for the support you have given to so many, but especially to me. I can't express how much I value the role you have played in my life, even from the far side of the mountains.

Keep in touch my friend.

areyoukiddingme said...

What a beautiful girl (with a mischievious smile!).

Good luck, Lindsay. I hope life only continues to get better and better for you and your family!

Kristin said...

She is absolutely beautiful. I'll miss your blogging but I completely understand your decision.

Jamie said...

That is the BEST. PICTURE. EVER.

You will be missed here in the blogosphere. I would love to keep up with you either via FB or emails. I think of you often! But I completely understand (and applaud!) that you are ready to move on.

I'll be looking for FB updates . . .

WiseGuy said...

I have missed you. I will miss you.

All the best to R for his thesis. The end for me is not in sight. Rub on that thesis-hurray gene on me, would you?

And I know you have not come to my blog, or I know it for a fact that you would not have left without squealing.

But I know that your wishes are with me.

You have been very expressive, and I know that you have been through a lot. Hope R gets a super job, and you are able to figure out a solid way to continue on the right track. Wishing you and R many many many wonderful years together.

That sparkle in Bean's eye is priceless. Many blessings to her.

Saige said...

I am sorry to see you go. I completely understand the feeling of closing the blog after it has served its purpose. I wish you all the very best going forward. With such a sweet, precious baby girl to love, you will do great.

Best wishes!

Annie said...

Glad to see things have gotten better for you so life is fun and not such a fight anymore. Bean is super cute!

Quiet Dreams said...

I'll miss your voice, but I think it's wonderful that you are honoring yourself by acknowledging the change that needs to happen.

And, of course, what a gorgeous girl.

Another Dreamer said...

I haven't been on as much, but wanted to say I wish you well and I will miss you (*hugs*)

May you find happiness and peace in this life. All the best.

Dora said...

OH! OH! OH! I want to eat her up! She is so delicious.

Glad to hear things are good. You will be missed.

Lavender Luz said...

She's beautiful, Lindsay.

Good luck and congrats to your very smart husband. And also, best wishes to you as you emerge from PPD.

I love knowing that you feel so much happiness that your heart can barely hold it.

Thanks for being part of my life. I wish you the very best.

Baby Smiling In Back Seat said...

Oh, the mischief!

Glad you're doing well. Wishing you all the best.

'Murgdan' said...

All the best to you....

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Will miss you, but understand. Peace of heart and only the best for you, sweetie.

lolcatsdeamon13 said...

I just happened upon your blog. All I have read is this: your last and final post. Already I know that you will be missed in the bloggoverse and that you are a beautiful person (with an adorable little girl! ^_^). I would like to wish you well on your journey to come, and I'd like to commend you on the perseverance that it must have taken to get to where you are. Good luck!