Slowing it down...

I was walking home from the bus this afternoon, enjoying the amazing sight of the the sun brilliantly shining through layers of deep dark grey-black clouds. The sun was almost blinding . It felt warm on a day that has been cold and damp.

Last night, Ryan and I went to Oakridge to see a movie. Watched The Golden Compass and had a wonderful evening. At the bus stop waiting to go home we got into a an interesting debate about metaphysics. The bus came and we continued talking. Got off the bus and chatted till we got back to our block. As we neared the house I steered him past the house and asked if he minded continuing our walk and conversation. It was a beautiful warm star-filled night and so we walked for another half an hour. The discussion was fascinating, and ironic. I mean, here we were, a skeptical scientist and a spiritual metaphysical artist, debating the finer points of proving the unknown and unseen.

What struck me about these two events are how time seemed to stall for awhile and how I managed to simply "be". I'd forgotten how wonderfully fulfilling it is. Maybe it surprises me so much because we just don't allow ourselves to go there often enough. As I sat down to write this I was astonished to think that on Tuesday, the month will be half over already. Where did it go? What have I done? I mean, I know things have happened and I participated in life, but if that's truly true, why does the passage of time surprise me so often?

Maybe it's because I'm at a point in my life where I am thinking beyond my own life to that of the next generation, to being parents sometime in the future. When you put yourself into that perspective, it's hard to separate individual days or weeks with the years that pass you by. I think I'd like to see this year go by a little slower. Not that time itself will change, just my perception of it. How I'll do this, I don't know. Maybe simply getting back into documenting the simply ordinary occurrences will be enough, or maybe it will require more.

Either way, I've set this goal in hopes that all the things I have planned for or hope for this year will not just happen but stick with me and make lasting impressions. In the end I just want to know that I've lived each moment as fully as possible. It's something I think I missed at times last year. Experiencing this idea fully on our wedding day put everything into perspective for me. I mean, that dya, that weekend, even though it was a whirl-wind, I can remember each moment. I look at our photos and I can tell you the story of our wedding.

That's how most days should be. That's how I intend for them to be from now on. Or in the very least, I'll try.