TGIF!

Ah, blue sky. If I look across from my office at work and lean back, I can take in the beautiful sight of a bright sunny morning in downtown Vancouver. When I left for work this morning, it was dark and cold. By the time the bus got down to Granville and Broadway, it had changed. As we were coming down the hill towards the Granville Bridge, dawn had just broken and what little light there was, was being reflected off of the glass buildings in the downtown peninsula. Truly breathtaking.

Its been a week since I found out that my grandfather had died. I'm okay now, it just took me so completely by surprise. My dad called his mom and it seems that she understands that he can't leave the camp right now. Since my grandfather will be cremated, there's going to be a memorial in the spring after my dad gets back from Alberta; which works great for me because with any luck it'll be after exams and I can take a few days off. Maybe Ryan and I will drive up to Nelson. Who knows…

This last week has seen me reflecting quite a bit. For one, I told Claire that our new motto isn't working for me. I really need a new one. So we talked about resurrecting an old favourite (I momentarily considered "To hell with it" but somehow it isn't positive enough), but I still felt the need to find something refreshing and strong. As we talked I made a statement in exasperation, which Claire decided would be the perfect motto, and I agreed. Therefore our new motto is…

"I don't want to be a drama queen!" Because let's face it, drama and I are pretty tight these days.

Work and school are going pretty well. I decided yesterday to cut off a couple of hours from work because I've been having a really difficult time working a full day. By 3pm, I'm exhausted! Trying to keep it together until 4:30 every Thursday is such a struggle. So I decided to make the day a couple of hours shorter. That way, I can still go for my workout with my trainer and then go home and still have energy to do important things like make dinner, and oh, I don't know… study perhaps?

My workouts are going well. 5 sessions and three weeks later, I already feel stronger, and let's face it, much happier. I'm still struggling to recognize my boundaries and limitations before I cross them, but that will take more time.

At least time is something I do have.

And January was going so well...

So on Friday afternoon before class I had written the really long blog entry only to have the computer screw up and erase it. Lovely. So here is roughly what I wrote:

So all week we had been having problems with our telephone line because Telus was adjusting our service. Suffice to say that some idiot at their head office in Calgary didn't flick the switch so had no line whatsoever.

So my Mom calls my cell phone on Friday morning. I was at work and I heard it ring in my purse, which was in my filing cabinet. Surprised to hear it (I had forgotten to turn it off the night before), I picked it up and saw that it was my Mom.

She had been trying to get a hold of me all morning at home and decided to try my cell. Turns out that she had gotten a call from my Grandma in Nelson telling her that my Grandfather (my dad's dad) had died.

He had gone in for hip surgery on Tuesday and it went pretty well. But later he went into cardiac arrest and then after stabilizing him, moved him to the ICU. I guess sometime late on Thursday, he went into arrest again and they couldn't do anything more. They are going to do an autopsy to confirm cause of death and then I guess we'll know what happened.

When I talked to my Mom that morning, she hadn't been able to get a hold of my Dad to let him know. But later that day, she finally did connect with him. He called his Mom, who was very understanding of the fact that he isn't able to leave the camp right now. But everything is okay. They are having my grandpa cremated and then there will be a memorial service in the spring when my Dad gets back. Which means that we'll all be able to go.

On Friday when I was writing out my blog I was so full of confusion and I think even anger. I mean, things had been going so well these last weeks and I was feeling content with the world. It would be nice for a change if I could go more than a couple of months without there being some big dramatic event or crisis.

I guess I never really considered how hard it is to be an optimist. It involves getting back up whenever you're knocked on your ass. But when your constantly knocked down, sometimes you don't even have a chance to get halfway back up before the next blow comes.

I guess in this recent case,according to the new motto, it was okay to be an optimist because I did get to cry later. But where does that leave a person the day after that?

Anyway, in other news, I am coming over to the island next weekend. I'm on the 9am ferry on Saturday and I go home Monday. If anyone is free and liked to get together, let me know.

Here's hoping these next days are better...

It's a beautiful day...

in the neighbourhood... well at least it is in mine, I don't know about yours.

The sun is bright and warm, the snow is glistening on the ground (along with the crazy amounts of super slippery ice) and everyone seems to be in fairly high spirits. That is, if you ignore the fact that it's 0 degrees out but feels like -5 or colder. It was warmer and rather pleasant around noon but now is's just bloody cold. Even our house can't quite seem to warm up. If you walk past a bus stop, you'll notice everyone pressing their arms against their bodies and bouncing from one foot to another, or just plain pacing. I should know, that was me earlier.

But despite how cold it feels, I know it's far worse where my Dad is. He left on Wednesday to work at one of the larger oil rig camps as a kitchen manager. It's between Edmonton and Grande Prarie, about 40 clicks north of a place called Rainbow Lake. The place he's at has no name save that the camp is designated as "Camp 160". Anyway, last I heard, it was -18 there, which felt like -38.

I think I'm quite happy here in Vancouver, where I at least don't have to cover every bit of skin to prevent things falling off. I did that when I was in Ontario thank you very much and I'm really not interested in a repeat performance.

New Year, New Start

Good bye 2006 and good riddance!

January 1st heralded a much anticipated event for me... a chance at a new start. I don't think anyone will disagree that last year wasn't one of the best for me; in fact it was quite the opposite for me.

But that is all behind me now.

On January 9th I had my first workout with my new personal trainer, Andy. All I can say about Andy is that he is fantastic! Not only does he really listen to me but he actually did some research on Fibromyalgia before creating a program for me.

Ryan's mom gave me a Pilates DVD set with a workout circle and a yoga mat for Christmas. I tested them out on Thursday and boy, was that interesting. Good workout, still feeling it this morning. My walking a lot more probably contributed just a bit to my slight stiffness

So with the fitness part well under control, I've also been working on eating better. Ryan and I are trying to cook a lot more from new recipes. I was getting really bored with the food we were eating out of well, laziness I guess.

I've been trying to also cut back on the amount of coffee I drink, but alas, I think it might be too much change too soon. I am after all a coffee addict. However, a plus is that I discovered that caffeine only contributed a small portion to the addiction, since I learned how much I like decaf.

So with a new year and many changes on the way I have some really good news...

I saw my doctor last week to get a refill on my prescription and get a check-up. We went through the whole pressing all my points bit and for the first time since I became ill, I didn't tear up in pain. Some of my points still are pretty tender, but far fewer than before. AND...

My doctor approved my dropping the dosage of medication I've been taking! 10 mg down, 20 more to go!!!

There is light at the end of the tunnel after all.

And to start this year off right, Claire and I have a yearly motto figured out:

"It doesn't hurt to be optimistic, you can always cry tomorrow" ~Unknown