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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

It's almost Chirstmas!

So I was going to talk about my weekend in Victoria but already it's after the following weekend. So, I guess I'll just keep it brief.

The weekend was great. I got to spend some quality time with my Dad, in anticipation that he might not be around at Christmas.

However, plans have changed a little. The weather at the oil rig camps in Northern Alberta isn't cooperating and the ground isn't as frozen as they'd like. A lot of the guys are no going home for Christmas, so the date we're now looking at is Dec.28... fingers crossed. Meanwhile, my Dad has been covering at a couple of the retirement places and my parents are getting by. Since my Dad and brother are working Christmas Day, my parents are going to my brother's work for dinner. We're going to have a family dinner when Ryan and I get into town, on one of my brother's days off.

We have a busy couple of weeks ahead of us. We fly to Kelowna from Vancouver on the 22nd and then Kelowna to Victoria on the 27th, then take the ferry home on the 1st. Well, Ryan for sure is going back on the 1st but I will likely stay a couple of extra days. For some well- deserved (in my opinion) relaxation and socialization.

I booked Dec.22-Jan.8 off work. Am I ever looking forward to the vacation! I have been so tired lately. Work has been stressful, which in turn put me into a period known as "flare". Basically, my body goes berzerk and is hypersensitive to everything and just hurts all the time. There were moments when I wondered if this was how my life would always be... feeling fine one moment and then in agony the next. Sometimes, I don't know how to deal with it. It's so frustrating to feel so helpless.

But, in those moments, I am reminded that I am surrounded by good people in my life and somehow, it makes everything seem doable. At least I'm out of my recent depression phase. I finally feel ready to tackle the things wrong with my body. I'm finally ready to make the necessary changes that will help me go into remission. The changes are absolutely necessary to my well being. I have no choice. Well, I do have a choice but the other option is a place I despise being in. I can't stand the depressed, pessimistic person I become when I am in flare. That's not me, that's not the Lindsay everyone knows.

But I guess I'm in a bit of a search right now. At 23 years of age, I'm having an identity crisis. I don't know who I am anymore. I mean, to a point I'm not all that different than I was before this past summer, but on the other hand, the Summer of 2006 has changed me profoundly. At school, I have disability status. Sometimes, I'm not sure what that means in my case. For the most part, I function just as well as the average person. Other times, I'm a mess: I can't focus, I can't write or type too much because of the pain, and I'm my prone to anxiety and depression. Besides the physical manifestation of my pain, most people don't even know there's something wrong with me.

This non-visible state of disability is difficult to work with. Sometimes it's like I need to validate my problems with people so that they don't think I'm just slacking off. This definitely comes into play at work where I'm working my ass off trying to meet my deadlines but people still feel the need to remind me that I have deadlines to meet. I mean, just leave me alone already! (Sigh)

So where does this leave the eternal optimist? I haven't a clue to tell you the truth. I guess this is a part of the process I'm going through. I know I'll figure it out in time but time flies by me so quickly these days that I feel a bit impatient.

But...I am so happy that this year is almost over! Good bye and good riddance! 2007 is a big year for Ryan and I and I'm looking forward to getting started on it. So, if anyone knows of any interesting ways to ring in the new year, do let me know.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Bad Weather Camaraderie...

I'll tell you about my weekend later but I just wanted to make a quick comment...

I'm not sure if it's a Canadian thing or just a basic human need but there's something about enduring bad weather together that makes complete strangers strike up random conversation and share stories and commiserate over their collective fate.

Today's instance? A moderately bad ferry ride (70 km/h wind gusts can sure rock even a Superferry) from Swartz Bay to Tsawassen that left 15 minutes late and made it in on time for me to catch my bus. Met a couple nice people and shared some pleasant conversation.

It is events like that which enforce my purely optimist viewpoint that people are inherently good.