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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Random thoughts...

Often a new year brings resolutions... things people commit themselves(however seriously) to doing or being. A resolution can be very beneficial. Beneficial, that is, if you possess a great deal of will power and the ability to follow through with everything you set your mind to. I suppose this is why I make lots of plans but am not always disappointed when they don't pan out. Life has taught me again and again that although I may in control of my choices, I am not in control of the outcomes. It doesn't mean that I don't get hung up on planning things. I seem to put a great deal of time and energy in figuring out the logistics of how things will work. In hindsight I often find out that I could have not planned anything and things would still have worked themselves out. So I guess I'm asking myself whether or not I'm wasting my time.

After a little pondering I've concluded (and you would probably too) that I'd likely go nuts if I didn't plan something, anything. It's in my nature to want a say in how things may go, even if that's not the reality. I don't put all my hopes on those plans either. At least not anymore. Years of things blowing up in your face all the time teaches you not to hold on too tightly to the little things; they fall through your fingers so easily.

So, you're probably asking what the hell I'm on that's making my mind go in this direction. Honestly? Nothing. Maybe that's just the problem. I feel a little restless and lost at the moment. There are things I can work on and new things I could pursue, but I just can't seem to get anything going. I guess I'm not sure where my motivation has gone. And I know I can't blame it on the rainy gross weather. Believe it or not, I haven't had to worry about being affected by SAD this year.

I guess now that I thing about it, I can trace these weird random thoughts and feelings back to a couple of conversations i had with someone I'm close with. I've known this person long enough to know when somethings wrong but they won't tell me about it. I haven't come out and asked about it sensing that I might not be a topic for the phone. So, I wrote a letter. Now I've left it in their hands to let me in or not. But what do I do if they decide they can't let me in? I'm worried about them. It distresses me to know someone is really upset but holding it all in. And whatever it is, its serious. You know I sometimes have intuitive perceptions about things? Well, this is just another example. I've known since the first conversation after Christmas that things were not alright. I even have a suspicion about wat it may be. But I can't voice that suspicion for fear of making it come true. If it is what I think it is, I'm not sure I can deal with it.

Am I just over thinking things like normal or do I have a genuine reason to be concerned? A friend called me one night to give me a head's up that I should call this person,because they're weren't doing okay. But if the person won't tell me, what the hell do I do? Bide my time and be there, I guess. Like I always do.

Life is so crazy sometimes. It's amazing to me that I've gotten this far. I know I will carry on as always, and so will everyone else.

For now... to use Mine and Claire's new motto for the year... TO Hell With It!

Friday, January 13, 2006

Thanks Claire for leading me to this site...

In a Past Life...
You Were: A Friendly Beekeeper.
Where You Lived: China.
How You Died: Decapitation.
Who Were You In a Past Life?

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

It's a new year...

where the heck did the last one go? It's all a blur to me.

So much has happened since my last post that it would be pointless to try and go through it all. But Christmas was great. Spent it in Victoria with my family and then went to Kelowna to spend New Year's with Ryan's family.

Here are some holiday highlights: (I'll post pics as soon as I get them developed)

-Boxing Day: the best ever "Stairgang" get-together at Buchart Gardens. This has to be one of my favorite holiday traditions. This year was even better than before... I'd chalk it up to cozy cocktails by a fire and skating on an outdoor ice rink. How cool is that?!!!!!

-Cross-country skiing: Ryan, his parents and I went up to the Nordic trails a little past Big White and I had my first cross-country lesson. I picked it up pretty quick but took a tumble in spectacular fashion when I hit a root in the tracks, wobbled, lost my balance and slid down a hill (which I didn't know how to deal with) on my back. The fun part? I was wearing jeans.. stupid, stupid, stupid. Suffice to say I was a little wet by the end of it having fallen a few times (twice on my left knee- earned a few bruises for those ones). But it was a lot of fun and I enjoyed myself. I also had a moment of peacefulness when we had stopped for a moment. It was amazing, so incredibly quiet excet for a slight whisper from the wind. Also took some photos... hope they turn out.

The biggest news of all: Actually, this was before Christmas (December 1st to be exact), and pretty much everyone knows already, but it is still exciting... I'm getting married. We've been talking about the things we would like for the wedding and we've figured out our budget for the most part. In a little while we'll actually start to plan. But it's Bridal season right now and we're going to our first Bridal show this coming weekend (Ryan actually wanted to go, cool eh?). Should be fun.


Tomorrow I go back to work since being off for 10 days. Today was nice. I ran some errands, did laundry and just relaxed at home. We also took down all our Christmas stuff. Our apartment seems so much bigger now.

Oh! and we got some exciting news... we have new neighbors!!! The jerk next door moved out!!! And in his place is a coupl who doesn't smoke! Yes!!!!!!!!!!!! My lungs are very grateful right now because they haven't been great as of late.

Well, time to go. Ryan and are going to watch some TV ... yes, I realize I don't have cable (or a VCR to watch Claire's tapes) but we got the 1st season of Star Trek: DS9 on DVD and are quite enjoying oursleves.

Looking forward to going back to work except for one thing... waking up at 6:15am. *sigh*